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Forums - General - Saving sex for marriage... Avoiding Lust

JinxRake said:
Zappykins said:
 

I am sorry, but I think this is one of the most immoral conditions people put on young people.  I am not saying be a slut, but sex is part of growing up, knowing who you are, and maturity.  Unless both partners are not interested in not having sex EVER, then by all means they need to know if they are sexually compatible before marriage.


A million times THAT! Bad sex can and will be a relationship killer. It's lead to a lot of very unhappy people over time and will lead to a lot more. But hey...long as you're pure, why should anyone care that you're miserable and frustrated, no?

You absolutely have no idea what a marriage killer is. Give me one study where 'bad sex' has contributed to the death of marriage. Heck just by your rationale, if two virgins meet and get married how would they know what bad sex even is? The fact of th ematter is money, differing value systems, lack of trust, addictions, PAST RELATIONSHIPS and lack of physical intimacy (not bad sex they are different) or infidelity are all the top reasons marriages fail.

I underlined and bolded past relationships as people who have premartial sex and relationships that are a so-called right of passage are a major issue for many people.  Which you so eloquently tried to claim is somehow the way to better relationships. Sorry but you are misguided.

I am far from some bible thumping zealot I haven't been to church since I was a kid. But I do know that there are many positives associated with many of the so-called fuddy duddy stuff associated with many religious practices such as waiting for marriage to have sex. Heck just the fact that you avoid unwanted pregnancy and STDs ought to be enough for anyone to steer clear.



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-CraZed- said:
crissindahouse said:

i would rather feel enslaved if i wouldn't have sex with the chance to have it just because i'm not married. that would be a really bad situation. enslaved to the idea that i can't because i'm not married.

i also don't think that our society would be better. the society was also not better in my opinion when almost everyone was married compared o nowadays. and that which was better doesn't have anything to do with people who are married or not.

The problem with your thoguth process is that when you give in to your temptations despite your knowing better you then have become enslaved. Enslaved by your desires. You have to willfully choose to not have sex. It is much harder to say no when it is dropped in front of you than it is to just do it.

Not too mention many times young people are given the impression that its cool to be having sex and are under the false pretense that everyone else is doing it etc. So when they give in to that or use that as an excuse to engage oin sex or any behavior that has major consequences to them for that matter they have indeed become enslaved. Enslaved by the masses and the perceptions they are under. Saying no is soooo much harder, and is the higher road and the way away from enslavement.

no, i'm not enslaved if i do something which is pretty normal for creatures on this planet. it's pretty much the opposite.

i would be enslaved to the idea that i have to be married to have sex if i would really wait for the marriage.



Wright said:
-CraZed- said:
Wright said:

Dolphins don't need marriage to enjoy sex. Why should humans?

Do dolphins design and build cities? DO they read and write liteature or create works of art? Do dolphins fly airplanes or shuttles to the moon? More over do you as a human lick your own behind as a dog or a cat does?


Dolphins also kill for enjoyement. Guess which other animal in the world present this exact behaviour.

Dolphins also breathe air. Guess how many other animals share that trait? The point sir is not about base functions or insticts. We are very much sperated from any other animal on the planet because of our very special spatial reasoning and or capacity for true emotion. Not to mention our much more advanced ability to reason and question not only the unviverse but our own existance. You equate humans with dolphins but yet I doubt very much you have ever swam the PAcific ocean with a pod of dolphins nor do we see Dolphins driving cars and going to work on a daily basis.

Humans have many capacities shared with the animal kingdom such as scavaging, foraging, hunting, etc. etc. but we are unique in very substantial ways and to debase yourself the way animal would shows an ignorance not befit of even the lowest of creaures.



-CraZed- said:
...

You absolutely have no idea what a marriage killer is. Give me one study where 'bad sex' has contributed to the death of marriage. Heck just by your rationale, if two virgins meet and get married how would they know what bad sex even is? The fact of th ematter is money, differing value systems, lack of trust, addictions, PAST RELATIONSHIPS and lack of physical intimacy (not bad sex they are different) or infidelity are all the top reasons marriages fail.

Premises: 1. Love is emotional and physical. 2. Sex is emotional and physical. All of the emotional problems you listed can affect the emotional part of sex. The lack of fulfilling sex can affect the physical part of love. You just can't seperate sex from a relationship like that.

I underlined and bolded past relationships as people who have premartial sex and relationships that are a so-called right of passage are a major issue for many people.  Which you so eloquently tried to claim is somehow the way to better relationships. Sorry but you are misguided.

People need practice of every other social skill to become proficient. Why is love/sex something that would be automatic with the first time? Pre-marriage relationships are great preparation. Primarily they teach you that you're dealing with a complex human being and not an object of fulfillment. Do you really want the first time someone does something to be after they've made a lifelong commitment? What if they're not compatible?

I am far from some bible thumping zealot I haven't been to church since I was a kid. But I do know that there are many positives associated with many of the so-called fuddy duddy stuff associated with many religious practices such as waiting for marriage to have sex. Heck just the fact that you avoid unwanted pregnancy and STDs ought to be enough for anyone to steer clear.

Abstitence-only sex education has a worse success rate than one that includes contraception. This is because, sure, while ideally zero sexual contact is zero transmission, people make mistakes. Even very well intentioned people. Unless you demand that people are perfect all of the time, moral teachings that only emphasise the religious principles are not effective enough.





RenCutypoison said:


-Rape, as a practice of men (and women) who demonizes themselves
-Sexual restraint, that leads directly to rape
-A-Sexualizing kids (because they need to be pure) wich lead to teen pregnancy, more demonization of sex, and eventually pedofilia.


I don't know where you're getting that from. Rape is an act of sadistical domination who has more to do with violence and anger than lust. I've worked as trainee on a criminal court and had the displeasure of talking to two rapists myself. None of them did it because they felt horny and inhibited.

Also, from a-sexualizing kids to teen pregnancy is quite a jump don't you think. Quite the slippery slope you found right there. Not to mention pedophilia somehow being a consequence of it, which sounds as absurd and ridiculous as saying, I don't know, people turn to homosexuality because they aren't allowed to masturbate.



 

 

 

 

 

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-CraZed- said:
Wright said:
-CraZed- said:
Wright said:

Dolphins don't need marriage to enjoy sex. Why should humans?

Do dolphins design and build cities? DO they read and write liteature or create works of art? Do dolphins fly airplanes or shuttles to the moon? More over do you as a human lick your own behind as a dog or a cat does?


Dolphins also kill for enjoyement. Guess which other animal in the world present this exact behaviour.

Dolphins also breathe air. Guess how many other animals share that trait? The point sir is not about base functions or insticts. We are very much sperated from any other animal on the planet because of our very special spatial reasoning and or capacity for true emotion. Not to mention our much more advanced ability to reason and question not only the unviverse but our own existance. You equate humans with dolphins but yet I doubt very much you have ever swam the PAcific ocean with a pod of dolphins nor do we see Dolphins driving cars and going to work on a daily basis.

Humans have many capacities shared with the animal kingdom such as scavaging, foraging, hunting, etc. etc. but we are unique in very substantial ways and to debase yourself the way animal would shows an ignorance not befit of even the lowest of creaures.

As far as I know there is no capability a human has displayed which has not been seen in an animal. Tool use, verbal communication, spatial reasoning, and anything else you can think of have been observed in animals.

"Debase" "lowest of creatures" - biologically, there is nothing debasing against sex, and a hierarchy of animals does not exist. If you wish to argue on a scientific basis, refrain from using such outdated ideas.

You're arguing from the incorrect assumption humans are different or superior.



-CraZed- said:

Humans have many capacities shared with the animal kingdom such as scavaging, foraging, hunting, etc. etc. but we are unique in very substantial ways and to debase yourself the way animal would shows an ignorance not befit of even the lowest of creaures.


I can't "debase myself", because humans are the lowest of creatures. The only ones who possess the ability to destroy themselves and others for plain ignorance or hate. (You're right, we are unique because of this). We haven't learned with our "superior intelect" and "true emotions". For every step we make forward into technological, social and economical progress, we make two backwards. History can prove this.

 

So my comparison is fair. I am comparing humans with better creatures: dolphins. If dolphins can have, and enjoy, sex without matrimony, and they're a far better being than humans, why shouldn't we follow example?



crissindahouse said:
-CraZed- said:
crissindahouse said:

i would rather feel enslaved if i wouldn't have sex with the chance to have it just because i'm not married. that would be a really bad situation. enslaved to the idea that i can't because i'm not married.

i also don't think that our society would be better. the society was also not better in my opinion when almost everyone was married compared o nowadays. and that which was better doesn't have anything to do with people who are married or not.

The problem with your thoguth process is that when you give in to your temptations despite your knowing better you then have become enslaved. Enslaved by your desires. You have to willfully choose to not have sex. It is much harder to say no when it is dropped in front of you than it is to just do it.

Not too mention many times young people are given the impression that its cool to be having sex and are under the false pretense that everyone else is doing it etc. So when they give in to that or use that as an excuse to engage oin sex or any behavior that has major consequences to them for that matter they have indeed become enslaved. Enslaved by the masses and the perceptions they are under. Saying no is soooo much harder, and is the higher road and the way away from enslavement.

no, i'm not enslaved if i do something which is pretty normal for creatures on this planet. it's pretty much the opposite.

i

 

No one says sex in itself unnatural. That isn't the debate here. Sex is VERY natural and should be enjoyed by every mature adult. Though, its really hard to truely enjoy something when you have no real grasp on it's consequences and ramifications. Which when I was a younger man I had no effing clue to be straight forward. I thought nothing of the child I produced before hand. I was being selfish and my son had to pay the price of a life of his mother and father not being together. He also grew up with less in terms of stability and rescources. Not to mention the burden it put on my family and society at large.

Because I couldn't keep it in my pants I became a slave to my circumstances. No way could I walk away from my child. That might sound heroic to some but its not its just something that I had to do and it held back my career and kept me from having real fun in my 20s. Things are working out but man if only...

Don't fool yourself friend. There is much to lose and little to gain when you let your little head get ahead of your big head.

 



-CraZed- said:
JinxRake said:
Zappykins said:
 

I am sorry, but I think this is one of the most immoral conditions people put on young people.  I am not saying be a slut, but sex is part of growing up, knowing who you are, and maturity.  Unless both partners are not interested in not having sex EVER, then by all means they need to know if they are sexually compatible before marriage.

 


A million times THAT! Bad sex can and will be a relationship killer. It's lead to a lot of very unhappy people over time and will lead to a lot more. But hey...long as you're pure, why should anyone care that you're miserable and frustrated, no?

You absolutely have no idea what a marriage killer is. Give me one study where 'bad sex' has contributed to the death of marriage. Heck just by your rationale, if two virgins meet and get married how would they know what bad sex even is? The fact of th ematter is money, differing value systems, lack of trust, addictions, PAST RELATIONSHIPS and lack of physical intimacy (not bad sex they are different) or infidelity are all the top reasons marriages fail.

I underlined and bolded past relationships as people who have premartial sex and relationships that are a so-called right of passage are a major issue for many people.  Which you so eloquently tried to claim is somehow the way to better relationships. Sorry but you are misguided.

I am far from some bible thumping zealot I haven't been to church since I was a kid. But I do know that there are many positives associated with many of the so-called fuddy duddy stuff associated with many religious practices such as waiting for marriage to have sex. Heck just the fact that you avoid unwanted pregnancy and STDs ought to be enough for anyone to steer clear.


+

+


Welcome to the 21st century. If it's not yet clear, allow me to clarify: education + protection + planning are very much a part of today's world, and all of them help lead to a much more secure and enjoyable intimate life than an abstinent society every managed.

http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/04/when-is-a-bad-sex-life-cause-for-divorce/

http://community.babycenter.com/post/a37809658/do_you_think_lack_of_a_sex_life_is_grounds_for_divorce

http://www.china.org.cn/english/Life/163953.htm

http://thewomanformerlyknownasbeautiful.com/2012/12/is-bad-sex-a-good-enough-reason-to-divorce.html

And I can find many others where bad sex or lack of sex has been the reason for divorce between two people. If you don't find sex to be an important part of your relationship with your significant other, it doesn't mean other people will think the same. That's a terribly narrow way of viewing things.

A relationship in which both partners cannot come to the same conclusions regarding their sexual activity will not thrive happily. There are plenty of women out there that are just miserable with their life partners as they can't achieve satisfaction from their partner. I don't see how that is HEALTHY in any way for a relationship.

Again, if it does not apply to you, it does not mean it doesn't apply to anyone else.

 

Also...to what can bad sex lead?

Hmmm...let's ponder...

Could it lead to the partners seeking sexual gratification somewhere else than in their conjugal bed? It could. Infidelity.

Could it lead to both partners not wanting to have sex since it's not pleasurable? It could. Lack of physical intimacy.

Could bad sex lead to comparisons with past relationships where things were better and thus spur argumetns? It could. Is the pattern clear?

You kind've made my points for me. After all...nobody dies by drinking too much water...they die of whatever drinking that much water causes, which in most cases is called drowning, which is caused by water. But the headline won't read "Man killed by water!" but "Man drowned!". I really can't believe that that was to be considered a thought out argument.

 

Also, bad relationships are part of growing up. You may strike gold on your first try, you may never do, but a bad relationship is indeed a gateway to a better one, to one in which you know better what you want and need, what you should expect, what you shouldn't.

 

I wish to boil everything down to just this: never assume that if something does not apply to your point of view, then it will not apply to anyone.

Also, I agree that there are some advantages to that religious way of life.

There are also advantages to a more open minded way of life.

Every person will decide what exactly is good for them and WHY. Not every way is right for everybody. If anyone believes there is an universal way, a right way that is undisputable...that person is an idiot.

 


Edit:
Regarding your later posts.

You seem to be viewing things throught your own narrow perspective. It's not a bad thing, we all have a narrow perspective on life based on our own experiences.

But I cannot agree to the conclusion that it's better to just hide your head in the sand for fear of making mistakes. THose sort of msitakes you will make if you abstain from sex or not. Education is much more important than abstinence, a social conscience instilled from young age is more important, a very clear view on what sex is and what it does is MUCH more important. Abstinence is hiding from a problem. Educating a generation and introducing them to the tools of enjoying their adult lives responsably...now that is progress, that is evolution, that is actually fixing a problem.



haxxiy said:

RenCutypoison said:


-Rape, as a practice of men (and women) who demonizes themselves
-Sexual restraint, that leads directly to rape
-A-Sexualizing kids (because they need to be pure) wich lead to teen pregnancy, more demonization of sex, and eventually pedofilia.


I don't know where you're getting that from. Rape is an act of sadistical domination who has more to do with violence and anger than lust. I've worked as trainee on a criminal court and had the displeasure of talking to two rapists myself. None of them did it because they felt horny and inhibited.

Also, from a-sexualizing kids to teen pregnancy is quite a jump don't you think. Quite the slippery slope you found right there. Not to mention pedophilia somehow being a consequence of it, which sounds as absurd and ridiculous as saying, I don't know, people turn to homosexuality because they aren't allowed to masturbate.

Rape -> Violence and anger comes from self demonization. By saying "sex is the demon's thing", you induce rape.

 

A-sexualization of kids -> Keeping kids away from sex means they are not educated well enough about it. Wich leads to teen pregnancy.

Pedofilia -> It's about abusing the one that is away from sex, the pure one. It's like an extreme version of the nun fantasy.