Forums - General Discussion - Ever struggled with suicide?

I've dealt with depression as young man but never put serious thought into suicide.

I feel like the best advice I could give is pursue things that actually make you happy and perhaps really talk to someone about it that can help.

Lets be honest, if you're willing to talk about on a forum then maybe you don't really wanna die. I've always had the perspective I will inevitably die eventually, so might as well do some living.

I suggest getting out your head and pursuing interests. I work, exercise, intermittent fasting which has made me feel and look better, and have suddenly taken a big interest in world religions (lots of reading). I am even trying meditation. Hence, if your life isn't working for you then maybe try making changes first. I never thought I'd be doing some of this shit I am doing now.



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Tbh, I'm struggling quite badly not to relapse into self-harm recently. On top of everything that's happening, all the stress, the anxiety, the misery, the boredom, coronavirus, isolation, loneliness, having no games to look forward to for the foreseeable future, small and silly and trivial as it sounds, is like the straw that broke the camel's back and makes the life feel almost unbearable right now.

There's just no respite, no relief, so small joy to alleviate the overwhelming darkness. 

What services are available to you where you live Leynos? Make use of them; whatever you do, don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help in real life as you've done here. Call a hotline and vent for hours if it will help.

Last edited by curl-6 - on 27 August 2020

Bet with Liquidlaser: I say PS5 and Xbox Series will sell more than 56 million combined by the end of 2023.

I have attempted suicide few times this year in public places. But I'm on meds now for 42 days and its getting better.



I was severely depressed and suicidal in my teens and again severely depressed in my early 20s. Once I learned how selfish suicide is, I put it off. But still in my college days, I would materialize a gun in my mind every single day and shooting my brains out. At the time I thought it was just a thing that happened while studying, but later on when those visions stopped, I realized just how depressed I was.

I never did take meds or therapy, and I never told anyone about it until after the fact. But these things can help.

I enjoy life a lot now, but I am always working on enjoying it more.



JWeinCom said:
You can talk to us here and we'll listen... but to my knowledge none of us are really trained to handle this. So, that's the number for the suicide prevention hotline. They can probably offer better advice.

I have training in handling various aspects of mental health like suicide, psychosis, depression, anxiety and so forth but there is only so much that can be done via text from half a planet away, plus there are cultural differences that puts a unique spin on things.

But just being that confidential trusted outlet for someone to send a few messages can make a big difference to their well-being.

The_Yoda said:
When I was young from 6 to about 16 my attempts got better and better until I found my self under a bridge with a shotgun. Thankfully I didn't pull the trigger and in retrospect my troubles were not that big. I didn't much like myself and still don't all that much. Even at 6 when I thought I could strangle myself to death ( spoiler you just pass out) there was a part of me that knew how much I would hurt those around me if I succeeded. In the end that was what caused me to turn the corner, the selfishness of the act, that the pain I would cause was much deeper and would affect way more people than any amount of pain or hate I felt for myself. I don't know if this helps, and as someone else said we are all individuals so what worked for me may not work for you. If you don't want to be hospitalized at least try talking to a professional.

You don't ever "fail" or "succeed" at suicide, it puts a negative spin on living life and a positive one on committing suicide, it's counter productive.

You (or anyone for that matter) aren't being selfish either, when you are at that low point you have a significant amount of emotions generally being driven by biological/mental/physical (Or a combination of all of them) influences... In short, professional help is needed and should be encouraged by all parties whenever possible.

Talking, opening up and just listening can make all the difference in the world... Depression and Suicidal thoughts are certainly beatable and there is an entire world to enjoy and explore.

Last edited by Pemalite - on 27 August 2020

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In my past struggles, the right medications, forcing myself to exercise, and giving myself goals like maintaining/reaching a healthy weight or working on my writing all helped. I used to try to look for small "easy wins" that I could use to make myself feel a little better.

Did the dishes? Win. Went for a jog today? Win. Got dressed and left the house? Win. Shaved and showered? Win. Little achievable things like that so I could tell myself that at least I'd accomplished something for the day.



Bet with Liquidlaser: I say PS5 and Xbox Series will sell more than 56 million combined by the end of 2023.

I feel ya man. Can't imagine what you're going through - and it may sound cliche but you really gotta fight, keep your chin up and stay strong. It will get better. You will feel better. And any particular "down" time just think of it like a storm that you will ride out, weather it and treat yourself well in the meantime b/c it will pass. If nothing else, even if it feels pointless or hopeless right now, just think that you're going on for your friends and family. For their happiness and well-being. Start with that and eventually you'll feel it's worth living for *yourself* as well. 

I've never *seriously* considered it but I certainly have my days where I just feel utterly alone and in despair to the point of feeling like just going through the day is pointless. Particularly in this insane, ridiculous year where it seems like just about everything going on is designed to make me nuts, sad, and/or pissed.. It's an ugly feeling but on days or weeks (or sometimes even just hours) like this I just try to lay low, relax, treat myself, maybe put on a movie or show I really enjoy.

I try to take care of my mind and body - I work out (I really feel this is underrated in revitalizing both body and mind not to mention helping self-esteem), eat healthy, listen to an uplifting self-help, motivational, or spiritual audiobook/lecture/speech. Sometimes it's just a matter of going for a walk and taking in nature to clear the mind, listen to some relaxing/uplifting music, or just meditate. It may be watching a hilarious movie/TV/comic that makes me laugh. Sometimes it's a matter of getting in touch with an old friend or spending some time with family. 



 

"We hold these truths t-be self-ful evident. All men and women created by the.. Go-you know the.. you know the thing!" - Joe Biden

curl-6 said:

In my past struggles, the right medications, forcing myself to exercise, and giving myself goals like maintaining/reaching a healthy weight or working on my writing all helped. I used to try to look for small "easy wins" that I could use to make myself feel a little better.

Did the dishes? Win. Went for a jog today? Win. Got dressed and left the house? Win. Shaved and showered? Win. Little achievable things like that so I could tell myself that at least I'd accomplished something for the day.

Sometimes you feel like your head is a checklist of so many things you need to do before you can relax, can be overwhelming.

Sometimes you are so overwhelmed by it that it becomes hard to do anything at all, hello autism i guess :p



Immersiveunreality said:
curl-6 said:

In my past struggles, the right medications, forcing myself to exercise, and giving myself goals like maintaining/reaching a healthy weight or working on my writing all helped. I used to try to look for small "easy wins" that I could use to make myself feel a little better.

Did the dishes? Win. Went for a jog today? Win. Got dressed and left the house? Win. Shaved and showered? Win. Little achievable things like that so I could tell myself that at least I'd accomplished something for the day.

Sometimes you feel like your head is a checklist of so many things you need to do before you can relax, can be overwhelming.

Sometimes you are so overwhelmed by it that it becomes hard to do anything at all, hello autism i guess :p

Yeah I'm very familiar with that feeling. By now I have mostly trained myself to feel like I've earn the right to relax for a bit if I just tick one thing off my list. I try to break things down into more easily achievable chunks and rest in between each step.



Bet with Liquidlaser: I say PS5 and Xbox Series will sell more than 56 million combined by the end of 2023.

Leynos said:

Curious who here has attempted it or had serious thoughts? How are you dealing with 2020? Any stories to share?

I have been treated many times in the past. I have attempted on a number of occasions in past years, been a thing since I was a kid. Suffice to say I suck at it. I'm in a place now where once again I am considering it. No mods I am not joking since I got in trouble for mocking my own pain in another topic. But hey people rarely listen to cries for help. In a pretty shit place atm. Dark humor is one way I try to deal with it. Always have.

I was doing ok most of 2020 but I think it finally caught up to me about 2 weeks ago. It just gets worse by the day as not just the outside world of 2020 but how things have been going for me. It's been a few years since I been hospitalized and later sent to a mental ward. That thought now freaks me out more with Corona. I'm talking with some people to convince me not to jump out of my apartment window. I figured 100 feet is good enough to kill me. It's getting tempting tho. I know other people struggled with it and legit want to hear people who have flirted with it. Struggled and hear how they are doing and experiences.

I'm sorry to hear you struggle with these thoughts. I'm with you though, I like to cope with things with humor (even dark humor).
All I can offer you is this: Please don't do it, life is so precious. I don't know you, but I after reading your post, I can empathize and can care from afar. I love this community, seeing the regular posters, not knowing any personally, but feel like its a little family where we can share our love of video games. 

I have never actually tried to kill myself. But I do have the thoughts of "maybe it would be better if I were just dead". I have anxiety that has taken away my social life. I'm on disability (which has been such a blessing because I don't know where I'd be without it)   The only reason why I haven't thought seriously about it is because I am so afraid of death. But I am also so afraid that I am not living. My body has been dependent on Ativan for 7 years. Was at 6-8mg per day at one point. I've gotten down to 3mg but holy cow its been rough.  

It is strange, because I grew up so blessed. I grew up with a great family, my parents just celebrated their 30th year together. I have a beautiful wife (who actually turns 30 on the day of this post) who has blessed me with 2 beautiful daughters. I have a handful of great friends. I mean, my life has been full of everything that is truly meaningful. So I don't know the reasons why I am so destroyed by my anxiety.  

It has gotten worse since the pandemic, as I haven't seen any friends and many family since the end of February (I was paralyzed worrying about this damn virus since beginning of January). It definitely has taken its toll. My 2 month old daughter has yet to be seen by so many family members, godparents and friends. Its been rough.... But part of me keeps holding on to hope that one day life will be better. 


Sorry for the rant. But please, try to find one thing in your life that is positive, and hold on to that. Please hold on to hope. I know its hard to.



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