| Leynos said: Curious who here has attempted it or had serious thoughts? How are you dealing with 2020? Any stories to share? I have been treated many times in the past. I have attempted on a number of occasions in past years, been a thing since I was a kid. Suffice to say I suck at it. I'm in a place now where once again I am considering it. No mods I am not joking since I got in trouble for mocking my own pain in another topic. But hey people rarely listen to cries for help. In a pretty shit place atm. Dark humor is one way I try to deal with it. Always have. I was doing ok most of 2020 but I think it finally caught up to me about 2 weeks ago. It just gets worse by the day as not just the outside world of 2020 but how things have been going for me. It's been a few years since I been hospitalized and later sent to a mental ward. That thought now freaks me out more with Corona. I'm talking with some people to convince me not to jump out of my apartment window. I figured 100 feet is good enough to kill me. It's getting tempting tho. I know other people struggled with it and legit want to hear people who have flirted with it. Struggled and hear how they are doing and experiences. |
I'm sorry to hear you struggle with these thoughts. I'm with you though, I like to cope with things with humor (even dark humor).
All I can offer you is this: Please don't do it, life is so precious. I don't know you, but I after reading your post, I can empathize and can care from afar. I love this community, seeing the regular posters, not knowing any personally, but feel like its a little family where we can share our love of video games.
I have never actually tried to kill myself. But I do have the thoughts of "maybe it would be better if I were just dead". I have anxiety that has taken away my social life. I'm on disability (which has been such a blessing because I don't know where I'd be without it) The only reason why I haven't thought seriously about it is because I am so afraid of death. But I am also so afraid that I am not living. My body has been dependent on Ativan for 7 years. Was at 6-8mg per day at one point. I've gotten down to 3mg but holy cow its been rough.
It is strange, because I grew up so blessed. I grew up with a great family, my parents just celebrated their 30th year together. I have a beautiful wife (who actually turns 30 on the day of this post) who has blessed me with 2 beautiful daughters. I have a handful of great friends. I mean, my life has been full of everything that is truly meaningful. So I don't know the reasons why I am so destroyed by my anxiety.
It has gotten worse since the pandemic, as I haven't seen any friends and many family since the end of February (I was paralyzed worrying about this damn virus since beginning of January). It definitely has taken its toll. My 2 month old daughter has yet to be seen by so many family members, godparents and friends. Its been rough.... But part of me keeps holding on to hope that one day life will be better.
Sorry for the rant. But please, try to find one thing in your life that is positive, and hold on to that. Please hold on to hope. I know its hard to.
1doesnotsimply
