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Forums - NSFW Discussion - How to satiate sexual desires while maintaining respect for women?



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o_O.Q said:
VGPolyglot said:

So, this is a topic that has profoundly troubled me for a while. I do have sexual desires, which I currently relieve through masturbation. However, it's hard to do that through thoughts alone, so I tend to use pornographic material too while doing that. Now, this is where the problem lies. The pornographic industry is not the happiest place at all, far from it in fact. Porn stars have a pretty high suicide rate and lower life-expectancy. This highlights the general unhappiness that porn stars have, and it makes it very hard to consciously watch porn without thinking of the working conditions and relationships, how dehumanizing it must be to have a job like that and the normalization of sex that makes it hard to fully enjoy it.

So, what I tend to do frequently is use fictional media instead, mainly hentai (in the forms of anime and doujinshi), as since they're fictional characters it is impossible for them to be truly hurt/exploited. However, I can understand that for others it's hard to do it, and even for me I tend to shuffle things up in order to be able to stay aroused and avoid desensitization. So, there has to be a happy medium. I myself try very hard to not have pornography affect my views and treatment of women, and I hope that I have maintained that. But I was also curious on your guys' thoughts and perspectives on the matter.

"So, what I tend to do frequently is use fictional media instead, mainly hentai (in the forms of anime and doujinshi), as since they're fictional characters it is impossible for them to be truly hurt/exploited. "

this is still not on man

the real problem with porn is its commodification of women's bodies to be used at any time by a man

this obviously occurs directly with sex workers but also indirectly through fiction

have you watched anita sarkeesians videos on the sexualisation of video game charaters for example?


I don't ever want to see that video again for as long as I live. 

#BringBackLaraCroftBootyShorts



Twitter: @d21lewis

Should probably try amateur porn then.



BraLoD said:
Knew the thread would be yours

Haha, same thing here. I was just like "My god, this thread has to be..." and yep.



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VGPolyglot said:

So, this is a topic that has profoundly troubled me for a while. I do have sexual desires, which I currently relieve through masturbation. However, it's hard to do that through thoughts alone, so I tend to use pornographic material too while doing that. Now, this is where the problem lies. The pornographic industry is not the happiest place at all, far from it in fact. Porn stars have a pretty high suicide rate and lower life-expectancy. This highlights the general unhappiness that porn stars have, and it makes it very hard to consciously watch porn without thinking of the working conditions and relationships, how dehumanizing it must be to have a job like that and the normalization of sex that makes it hard to fully enjoy it.

So, what I tend to do frequently is use fictional media instead, mainly hentai (in the forms of anime and doujinshi), as since they're fictional characters it is impossible for them to be truly hurt/exploited. However, I can understand that for others it's hard to do it, and even for me I tend to shuffle things up in order to be able to stay aroused and avoid desensitization. So, there has to be a happy medium. I myself try very hard to not have pornography affect my views and treatment of women, and I hope that I have maintained that. But I was also curious on your guys' thoughts and perspectives on the matter.

You really are the master of controversial threads VGPolyglot

But granted that I may be the master of controversial opinions...

But I'll be brief in answering your question: Desiring someone is intrinsically speaking not disrespectful, it's actually very natural. What is purely artificial is the response of our societies to sex. It's ok to satisfy the need for food by eating, it's ok to satisfy the need of sleep by sleeping, it's ok to satisfy the need of liquids in our body by drinking water and such etc... But somehow it's NOT ok to wish to satisfy the need for sex and if you do so you are disrespectful or a pervert or worse?

The answer is pretty simple to me: Desire all you want women and as long as they are consenting you are NOT disrespectful and they are NOT whores for having desires too. Watch porn too if a relationship is too much trouble (and yeah a relationship can be) The women in porn are busting their asses to get you to jizz. I could almost say if you don't then you are disrespectful of their effort to try and make you orgasm.

I said it before and I'll say it again: Sex is purely natural, as natural as any other need we have. Society is VERY slowly but surely evolving and acknowledging that fact. I could swear that if the internet had existed 50 years ago and this forum had been around back in those days and you had even tried to start a thread that speaks of SEX, you would have been perma-banned immediately with some message from the mod that would go something like: Keep your sick mind to yourself pervert, how dare you speak of the unspeakable word that starts with S and ends with X, in this forum? We won't have this filth here!

Now we have evolved and you can speak of it in detail and all and most people are ok with it. And mark my words, in 50 years you'll see stuff you wouldn't think possible now. In 100 years people in forums will just display naked pictures and everybody will think it's normal cause it is. They'll say stuff like: "Wow, 100 years ago they would ban you if you displayed the picture of a dick in a forum? What a bunch of backwards people they were back then, as if there was anything wrong or unnatural with genitals. They could show their hands, their shoulders, their faces, their feet but not their genitals? How arbitrary of those people back then".



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Amateur porn or a happy porn star to watch?

Some love what they do but I wonder how much of a front it is cause when they leave they only have bad things to say (Mia Khalifa)



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ArchangelMadzz said:
Amateur porn or a happy porn star to watch?

Some love what they do but I wonder how much of a front it is cause when they leave they only have bad things to say (Mia Khalifa)

And those bad things are always about how OTHERS treat them or see them. it's not sex that is the problem here, it is the reaction of ignorant people to sex. Mia Khalifa is a perfect example. Her problem is not sex or making it her career, it's other people threatening her over her choices because they are too ignorant to realize that sex is natural so their obvious reaction is violence and threats and THAT is what can push some actresses to depression or unhappiness.



Lawlight said:
Didn’t you decide to have a life of celibacy, TC?

I did?



So my input has been directly requested on the grounds that I am female. After reading a few pages of the replies, honestly I think I can understand why. However, it should be said that I'm just one person, and hardly an expert in curing addictions of any kind. I find it a very daunting, indeed impossible, task to try and represent all women with my one voice, my one lived experience, and even more impossible to try and posit a definite, viable path out of any kind of addiction. Therefore I will simply voice my own opinions.

The truth is that I can't really relate to the problem that VGPolygot relays in the OP. There are many reasons why. First of all, I'm a lesbian, and by that I mean properly lesbian, not bisexual. The general contents of online pornography have never been especially relatable or appealing to me hence for obvious reasons. Secondly, I'm also a product of a different time. I grew up mostly before the average person had an Internet connection of any kind, let alone the convenience of smart devices and cable-based download speeds. (You can probably tell as much by the fact that I still reflexively capitalize the I in the word Internet. :P)

When I was a teenager, "porn" most often meant the kind of material one found in Playboy magazine, which was just models and prominent women posing nude (and duly airbrushed) astride various pieces of furniture, and most men didn't spend a lot of time consuming it. As recently as 2002, a Kinsey Institute survey found, for example, that just 25% of the male population in the United States reported having digested pornographic material within the preceding month. In my observation, men who felt that they needed visual aid to masturbate generally turned to only semi-pornographic material, such as the annual Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue or the general contents of MTV, and even that was considered somewhat controversial. Seems quaint now, doesn't it? But I think it's worth adding that I never related much to that world either. I think women who are attracted to women often have different criteria for what constitutes beauty. I know I did.

My own teen years were lonely, both romantically and sexually. I discovered my orientation gradually, through experience, and lived (and live) in an area that is very conservative, where practically nobody who is gay is out as gay, myself included. I tended to believe that there was something wrong with me. Sometimes I found fronts to avoid scaring my parents, like fake-dating the one gay guy I knew of as cover so I'd pass as straight. Masturbation? I used my imagination. So that's where I'm coming from.

Anyway, I was asked specifically "how you feel pornography has affected people's views on women". Personally, I feel that stories like this and this illustrate where the potential lies. More commonly, I think the fact that a recent survey found that 53% of male teenagers and 39% of female teens believed that the typical material in online pornography was "realistic" shows that it is affecting what kind of sexual relationships men and women have more and more often, starting at a young age. I mean basically I think what men learn from digesting the kind of material that is readily available today is a sense of not just entitlement, but obligation to always be sexually dominant, perhaps to the point of abuse, and what women learn is that we're supposed to feign enjoyment of pain and suffering and never think of getting off ourselves. I think it may also be worth taking in that many of those "rough" videos one can find online are not faked. Many of those are recordings of actual rape, to judge by the testimonies of women who survive them.

I guess if you feel that you cannot successfully masturbate without aid, then the route I would most recommend might be something like what Farsala suggested on page 3. But also bear in mind that what Contestgamer said shortly thereafter has some key truth to it: one should not kid themselves; there is no "respectful" form of pornography (real or animated). There are no such things as legitimate amateur sites that I'm aware of (they're all paid actors too). "Lesbian" porn is also clearly made with a male target audience in mind, to judge by the fact that 100% of them are the perfectly "femme" kind that men prefer to look at and tend to act more like men would act. But I will say that it's no coincidence that the most common porn-related search term even among heterosexual women is "lesbian". That's because so-called lesbian porn is the only kind out there that focuses on clitoral stimulation instead of penile stimulation.

The most important thing though is simply that one realize that pornography isn't realistic in its conveyance of what pleases people (especially women) in real life. Very few women enjoy things like anal sex or delivering oral sex or being hit in any form of fashion, for example (and I would question the self-esteem of those who purport to, for that matter), and the women who pretend to in online porn videos themselves are rarely exceptions to these rules. Simply realizing that is the most important thing really, I believe.



d21lewis said:
o_O.Q said:

"So, what I tend to do frequently is use fictional media instead, mainly hentai (in the forms of anime and doujinshi), as since they're fictional characters it is impossible for them to be truly hurt/exploited. "

this is still not on man

the real problem with porn is its commodification of women's bodies to be used at any time by a man

this obviously occurs directly with sex workers but also indirectly through fiction

have you watched anita sarkeesians videos on the sexualisation of video game charaters for example?


I don't ever want to see that video again for as long as I live. 

#BringBackLaraCroftBootyShorts

Would you leave your wife for a proper VR lara croft that you could touch aswell?



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