So my input has been directly requested on the grounds that I am female. After reading a few pages of the replies, honestly I think I can understand why. However, it should be said that I'm just one person, and hardly an expert in curing addictions of any kind. I find it a very daunting, indeed impossible, task to try and represent all women with my one voice, my one lived experience, and even more impossible to try and posit a definite, viable path out of any kind of addiction. Therefore I will simply voice my own opinions.
The truth is that I can't really relate to the problem that VGPolygot relays in the OP. There are many reasons why. First of all, I'm a lesbian, and by that I mean properly lesbian, not bisexual. The general contents of online pornography have never been especially relatable or appealing to me hence for obvious reasons. Secondly, I'm also a product of a different time. I grew up mostly before the average person had an Internet connection of any kind, let alone the convenience of smart devices and cable-based download speeds. (You can probably tell as much by the fact that I still reflexively capitalize the I in the word Internet. :P)
When I was a teenager, "porn" most often meant the kind of material one found in Playboy magazine, which was just models and prominent women posing nude (and duly airbrushed) astride various pieces of furniture, and most men didn't spend a lot of time consuming it. As recently as 2002, a Kinsey Institute survey found, for example, that just 25% of the male population in the United States reported having digested pornographic material within the preceding month. In my observation, men who felt that they needed visual aid to masturbate generally turned to only semi-pornographic material, such as the annual Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue or the general contents of MTV, and even that was considered somewhat controversial. Seems quaint now, doesn't it? But I think it's worth adding that I never related much to that world either. I think women who are attracted to women often have different criteria for what constitutes beauty. I know I did.
My own teen years were lonely, both romantically and sexually. I discovered my orientation gradually, through experience, and lived (and live) in an area that is very conservative, where practically nobody who is gay is out as gay, myself included. I tended to believe that there was something wrong with me. Sometimes I found fronts to avoid scaring my parents, like fake-dating the one gay guy I knew of as cover so I'd pass as straight. Masturbation? I used my imagination. So that's where I'm coming from.
Anyway, I was asked specifically "how you feel pornography has affected people's views on women". Personally, I feel that stories like this and this illustrate where the potential lies. More commonly, I think the fact that a recent survey found that 53% of male teenagers and 39% of female teens believed that the typical material in online pornography was "realistic" shows that it is affecting what kind of sexual relationships men and women have more and more often, starting at a young age. I mean basically I think what men learn from digesting the kind of material that is readily available today is a sense of not just entitlement, but obligation to always be sexually dominant, perhaps to the point of abuse, and what women learn is that we're supposed to feign enjoyment of pain and suffering and never think of getting off ourselves. I think it may also be worth taking in that many of those "rough" videos one can find online are not faked. Many of those are recordings of actual rape, to judge by the testimonies of women who survive them.
I guess if you feel that you cannot successfully masturbate without aid, then the route I would most recommend might be something like what Farsala suggested on page 3. But also bear in mind that what Contestgamer said shortly thereafter has some key truth to it: one should not kid themselves; there is no "respectful" form of pornography (real or animated). There are no such things as legitimate amateur sites that I'm aware of (they're all paid actors too). "Lesbian" porn is also clearly made with a male target audience in mind, to judge by the fact that 100% of them are the perfectly "femme" kind that men prefer to look at and tend to act more like men would act. But I will say that it's no coincidence that the most common porn-related search term even among heterosexual women is "lesbian". That's because so-called lesbian porn is the only kind out there that focuses on clitoral stimulation instead of penile stimulation.
The most important thing though is simply that one realize that pornography isn't realistic in its conveyance of what pleases people (especially women) in real life. Very few women enjoy things like anal sex or delivering oral sex or being hit in any form of fashion, for example (and I would question the self-esteem of those who purport to, for that matter), and the women who pretend to in online porn videos themselves are rarely exceptions to these rules. Simply realizing that is the most important thing really, I believe.
