talk lots of shit

While drunk I'm awesome at stumbling, falling down, slurring my speech, making inappropriate sexual advances and blacking out. I also vomit like a world champion (think Team America: World Police). While high, I'm incredible at eating, spacing out and laughing my ass off. I also focus on video games like a laser, to the point at which I can perform really well.

I used to be really good at eating burritos bigger than my head when I was drunk, but those days are over.

Now I'm going to watch some really old Doctor Who with William Hartnell while sober.

The Doctor Who discussion warms my heart. May i recommend The Dead Planet, an absolutely marvelous serial that has no missing episodes :D

I actually just started watching them all from the beginning and am shocked at how good Hartnell's Who really was.  I'm a Tom Baker guy, but Hartnell was pretty darned good (especially since he was the first).  Next up... The Romans.  

I have lots of crazy ideas which spring into my mind, and I make my friends do them with me

I don't feel pain when I'm drunk, so I usually end up hurting myself.

You'd think getting drunk would make you better at getting laid, but my penis goes completely limp.

While drunk I smile at stupid shit.

While high I smile at stupid shit.

I can't get high...I'm the first in a long line of superhumans who are immune to marijuana...seriously! I have smoked 3 full joints one time and I still didn't get high, and it was real weed because my friends all got high. I have also hot boxed a car and everyone in the car got really high except me..

Have a great time, both when I'm drunk and high.