Awright, weel some fowks huv bin askin me tae teach em scots fur a wee while noo so ah thocht ah'd make up this wee hing tae help hings along eh.
alright, well some folks have been asking me to teach them scots for a wee while now, so i thought i'd make up this wee thing to help things along.

ah ken thur urnae mony scots fowk oan here, thur wiz free (includin masel) at mah last coont.
i know there aren't many scots folk on here, there were three (including myself) at my last count.

Scots isnae, like, considered a "real" lingo, bit we speak it an its oor langwij an at's at. so aye.
scots isn't, like, considered a "real" language, but we speak it and its our language and that's that. so yeah.

mah next post wull hae the start ae aw that learnin pish in it, eh. this hing's jist a wee intro hing tae git ye intae it an that, ken.
my nextpost will have the beginnings of all the learning material in it. this post's just a wee intro post to get you into it, you know.

an' if ye've goat ony questions, ah dinnae gie a rat's arse. naw really, ye kin ask me anyhin an' if ah cannae answer it sharpish, ah'll ask the google.
and if you've got any questions.. you can ask me anything and if i can't answer it promptly, i'll ask google.

edit: GOT A VIDEO UP OAN THE YOUTUBE! HAE A SWATCH AE IT HERE

m nawt scotttish bet Iull try to di a accint!

Scottish people speak gibberish?

Even if I could speak Scots, it would be too difficult to type it.

I can do a pretty mean Irish accent. But if you type it, it loses everything.

Strooth, reading that is like trying to understand someone from Wolverhampton when they speak. Impossible.

Is that why I can't understand a word that obieslut serious_frusting says?

ah meant tae siy ah'll correct ye's if ye try tae speak scots an aw, tae the best ae mah abilities. some ae ye's are pyoor dafties but, so it micht no be possible tae git ye's aw up tae scratch. we'll see how it gaws fo.
i meant to say i'll correct you all if you try to speak scots as well, to the best of my abilities. some of you are total dafties though, so it might not be possible to get you all perfect. we'll see how it goes though

richt, lesson wan. the alphabet. ooh ye dancer!

A - ai                  as in "rain", which we git a lot ae
B - bee               as in, "git tae fuck ye dirty B"
C - see               as in, "see yoou next tuesday, ya dirty B"
D - dee               as in, what the neds and delinquents git oan their Higher exams
E - eee               as in, "ye goat ony Es oan ye pal?"
F - eff                as in, "its sae effin cauld oot here, ken?"
G - jee               as in, "gee whiz, mary, that's bloody awfy, so it is."
H - aich/haich      as in, "how dae ye spell "Edinburgh? is thur an aich oan thae end?" "aye, ya fudd"
I - aye               as in, well actually we nivvur say "I". its aw aboot the "ah". "ah wiz pyoorlikat"
J- jay/jy             as in, "ken that sports shoap - jy jy bee?" also known as a popular ned hang-out spot.
K - kay               as in, kay. o.0
L - ell                 when a scot says a word like "well", the "ll" goes oan a fraction ae a secon longer an it should.
M - em               as in, "emmmmm, ah'm no sure aboot at', lemme jist check..."
N - en                a vital letter, used in "naw" and "nut". baith tae be meanin "no".
O - oh.               no much tae say aboot this yin ah'm afraid.
P - pee               as in, oh my gawd man i really need tae pee. ah'll be back the noo.
Q - "kwih"           this wan's a bit fancy fur us, really.pronounced as in "Kwaliteeeee", a familiar ned battlecry.
R - rrrrrrrrrr          haha, we kin dae this an maist ae yoou's cannae. its caw'd "rrrollin yer Rrrs". git it up ye.
S - ess               sometimes heard at the fitba' wan the ba' gits past the dirty B in the goals.
T- tee                as in, whit a golf ba' sits oan while ye admire the scenery at St. Andrews Golf Course.
U - yoou             as in, "yoou dirty bastart! git back here the noo!"
V - vee               as in, "ah gae hum the Vees an bolteed" "aw jock, ye're pure solid so ye are"
W - wih              as in, "whit?" "whit are yoou oan aboot, ya fudd?"
X - ex                 as in "ah wiz talkin tae mah ex and ahwizpyoorlikat an he wiz aw like ohmygawd"
Y - why?              why? ah havnae goat a scooby.
Z - zed.              it's essential at we pronounce this wan as "zed". nane ae yer american "zee" pish. its jist no happenin'.

I suddenly have the urge to watch Trainspotting.

Is it any good?

^guid effort big man. keep it up while ah type up lesson twa!

You know that reads a lot like a Newfoundlander accent, I wonder if they're related.

Trashleg, do you happen to speak Gaelic too, or is that not as widely spoken as I've been lead to believe, or what?