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Forums - NSFW Discussion - Tinder worth paying for?

 

Is it worth paying for?

Yep! 5 8.62%
 
No! 53 91.38%
 
Total:58
Machiavellian said:

I do not believe you noticed that I stated "Hot to you".  This means that if the woman is hot to you that is all that matters not the perceived hot value as it changes with each individual.  There were many woman who I thought was hot that my friends questioned.  I was fine with that because who needs the competition. I know my taste and sometimes particular things attract me more then the obvious physical features.

The story you mention is not unique because I had the exact same situation.  I thought about the encounter for months and what I came away with is that I need to be more open with what I want.  I remember calling the girl the next day and I could tell, I totally blew it.  Even then I was not honest with what I wanted.  It made me realize that making sure what I want is not something a woman need to guess about.  I have had way more success just getting out what I want early then coming in, trying to play the friend role, hoping for the girl to notice me in a romantic way.  Instead, if we are hanging out, its always going to be me letting the woman know what I want.  No games, no hidden feelings so that if she and I are together she knows exactly where I am at.  Do not look for me to be that buddy you share all the intimate things with or that guy you tell about how your BF is not treating you right.  I would be like, dump that dude and be with me if not save it for your girlfriends.

Bold: true. My bad, sorry. My old group of friends used to question that kind of stuff too.

(By the way, I forgot to mention that, even when I was in my hometown, this woman and I lived like an hour away from each other and I had never been at her place before - because it was way better for us to just meet in the capital city. I mention this now because it's also part of what made me finally reach the conclusion that meeting at her house wasn't just for the sake of it and it actually meant something. I also have to say that I didn't mind being friends with her, just that I felt this attraction too.)

In my case, being open with what I want now is somewhat difficult in these situations, not because I don't dare or something like that, but because my concept of relationships is (at least) slightly different than that of the majority: friendship, sex and romantic relationships are kind of mixed in my head. So if I'm friends with someone and I have a deep enough connection with that person (generally a woman), then sex is a completely natural step forward to me, so in my mind close friendships are more or less like what other people would see as couple's relationships, but without infatuation, jealousy, etc., and of course having each their own space and freedom. And the problem with this is that I don't even know what the word for something like that is - no name that I know of matches that kind of relationship exactly, so a woman who I might meet nowadays could have as many difficulties knowing what I want as I'd have reading what she wants. In that regard, I don't know if I could make something similar to what you described and be successful at reaching some kind of mutual understanding.

Phoenix20 said:

There are 5 guys to every woman on a dating app. Women can afford to be fussy on dating apps due to the abundance of men. Most guys on dating apps are lucky to get a single match, let alone date. Dating apps for most guys leads to frustration.

Someone already replied to you in another thread, but I'd like to say that, while venting can always be useful and there are many things in this world that deserve a good dose of criticism (probably Tinder among them), the act of complaining in and of itself is only helpful if the person doing it also take some other constructive actions in order to try to keep moving forward (which I don't know if it's your case or not, because I don't know you).

In other words, you can't just expect that the changes that could help you achieve what you want (a job, a couple, etc.) come from other people, institutions, apps or whatever: you need to be the one who makes the first step and take the best out of your strengths and of all the resources you've got at your disposal: Tinder doesn't work for you? Then screw Tinder; just use another app or try to think of another way that would make it easier for you to meet someone else. You can't find a job? Just keep trying and send dozens of curriculums via apps and in real life (when possible), while you also try to do what you really like in your free time.

I mean, I know that not being able to socialize when and with whom you want sucks and I know that not being able to find a job sucks too, but thinking about how everything sucks is only helpful to an extent: it comes a point when that way of thinking becomes not only unhelpful, but also counter-productive and even self-destructive in some situations. Nothing in this world is completely bad or completely good: we live in an enormous and complex greyscale, and it's up to us to try to not see it too light nor too dark; to find the right balance. And that applies not only to the world, but also to ourselves. In your case, I don't know if you're in some kind of negativity loop that makes you be too focused on all the bad things surrounding you and prevents you from taking into account all the potential good stuff (because, as I said, I don't know you), but it definitely looks like that's exactly the case. If it's not, I'm sorry about this post.



I have periods of social disconnection, it's a part of me that I need and keenly embrace. I'll still log in and read news and threads during those times, but I won't be (very) active on the site, so I apologize for any inconvenience that this may cause (late answers, bumps or the like).

Also...

Please, feel free to correct my English.

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The average guy will need to do many things to find success:
1. Put up and maintain a good profile filled with pictures, fill it out with interesting information.
2. Search for women to message because women will almost never message him (even if they’re interested)
3. Make sure his message is interesting and unique regardless of the content of the woman’s profile.

The average women needs to:
1. Put up and maintain a good profile filled with pictures, fill it out with interesting information.
2. Wait and pick from the many messages she gets.

The promise that online dating will help you "save time" by helping you connect with thousands of local singles is an illusion, an illusion sold to introverted nerds eager to buy the notion that they can insulate themselves the terrifying task of approaching a woman they find desirable in person and risk rejection.

Most guys on dating sites will spend 10+ hours a week reading profiles and writing unique messages and 99% of your messages will never get a response regardless of what you write.

Online dating is a terrible Return on Investment. You can easily spend 10+ hours per week on a dating site and lucky to get a single response for the week. I am not saying I am entitled to get any response but darn it 10 hours in return for one message is a huge waste of time. I could be doing more enjoyable things with my time than reading profiles and sending unique messages to profiles that will not respond 99% of the time.

Last edited by Phoenix20 - on 05 March 2021

Is really depend what you looking for, if you just want someone to hangs out, just for sex or if you really serious and want someone to marry if that work !?

Why the last sentence ? because i have suscribe to a dating site, but since i wanted find a true love and getting married and get kids because i was becoming old 39!

I suscribed on Asiandating for 6 month ! believe or not but i got like 20 message in 10 min from girl, now the warn, some look only for better life or money so you have to find a way to see the one who interessed per you !

But after that, you should know they much less into the "look" of you ! i'm pretty meh or bad looking depend on who you ask... and i found love someone after only 3 days ! travel to meet here in a 1 month vaccation, 2 time, chated on video every days for 4hours.. and after 6 month i started make paper work to move in her country and so now i live in philippines, i'm married for 3+ years and we have one daughter and second baby on the ways !

You could do other ways around and make her come in your country too !

I'm from swiss and all europeen dating site was awfull for me, if you not looking good or not rich, its just damn awfull ! at least in my experience that was just like you a good looking guy with asian girl ! and i not send a single message i just replyed to the one i recieved !




Verter said:
Machiavellian said:

I do not believe you noticed that I stated "Hot to you".  This means that if the woman is hot to you that is all that matters not the perceived hot value as it changes with each individual.  There were many woman who I thought was hot that my friends questioned.  I was fine with that because who needs the competition. I know my taste and sometimes particular things attract me more then the obvious physical features.

The story you mention is not unique because I had the exact same situation.  I thought about the encounter for months and what I came away with is that I need to be more open with what I want.  I remember calling the girl the next day and I could tell, I totally blew it.  Even then I was not honest with what I wanted.  It made me realize that making sure what I want is not something a woman need to guess about.  I have had way more success just getting out what I want early then coming in, trying to play the friend role, hoping for the girl to notice me in a romantic way.  Instead, if we are hanging out, its always going to be me letting the woman know what I want.  No games, no hidden feelings so that if she and I are together she knows exactly where I am at.  Do not look for me to be that buddy you share all the intimate things with or that guy you tell about how your BF is not treating you right.  I would be like, dump that dude and be with me if not save it for your girlfriends.

Bold: true. My bad, sorry. My old group of friends used to question that kind of stuff too.

(By the way, I forgot to mention that, even when I was in my hometown, this woman and I lived like an hour away from each other and I had never been at her place before - because it was way better for us to just meet in the capital city. I mention this now because it's also part of what made me finally reach the conclusion that meeting at her house wasn't just for the sake of it and it actually meant something. I also have to say that I didn't mind being friends with her, just that I felt this attraction too.)

In my case, being open with what I want now is somewhat difficult in these situations, not because I don't dare or something like that, but because my concept of relationships is (at least) slightly different than that of the majority: friendship, sex and romantic relationships are kind of mixed in my head. So if I'm friends with someone and I have a deep enough connection with that person (generally a woman), then sex is a completely natural step forward to me, so in my mind close friendships are more or less like what other people would see as couple's relationships, but without infatuation, jealousy, etc., and of course having each their own space and freedom. And the problem with this is that I don't even know what the word for something like that is - no name that I know of matches that kind of relationship exactly, so a woman who I might meet nowadays could have as many difficulties knowing what I want as I'd have reading what she wants. In that regard, I don't know if I could make something similar to what you described and be successful at reaching some kind of mutual understanding.

I do not mind being friends with girls that rejected me.  That part happen all the time.  What I do not want is that when they fall out of a relationship, they think, "Let me go tell Mach", then they jump back into another relationship with someone else.  Instead, I rather they think "Let me give Mach a shot, lets see how that goes". I am always friendly, willing to hang out and hold no grudges.  What I did not like back in my High School days is being that friend guy who the girl told all the bad stuff her boyfriend did but was never considered the one to date.  I did not want to be that friend because if you really start to like someone you put yourself in a very awkward and painful situation.  After doing that for a couple times, I was like "Hell NO". I rather be friends with girls like that I have absolutely no interest in, then be mooning for a relationship but never be considered.

My point is more towards that when you leave that space within a woman mind that you are ok to be just a friend, then that is exactly where you will be and majority of the time stay.  Instead, I rather let a woman know that I am interested in a relationship.  This way there is no doubt that she comes back one day and say "Oh, I did not know you liked me like that".  From my experience, as long as my intention is known, there is never any confusion where I stand and thus there is no confusion with the woman I am seeking more than just being a buddy.



Machiavellian said:
Verter said:

I wish this were true for me as well... I said to the fear of rejection, "Fuck you" a long time ago, and so did women to me. =P

Lol, true you can experience rejection but lets say out of 10 girls you believe is very hot, if one says yes well, you are a winner.  When I was in high school, I did not approach any girls believing all the ones I thought was beyond me would turn me down.  When I went to college, I decided to just approach any girl that I thought was hot and give it a shot.  The first thing I came away with is that when they shot me down, I really did not feel anything.  Since I did not wait or moon over the girl where a rejection would crush me, I did not put anything emotional into it so it was all good.  

What I found out is that when you let a girl know you are interested in them, you are always in the game.  Sometimes things does not click right away but if you are a cool and do not take the rejection personally, you find out a lot of times that later on you will get your shot if you are still available.  This happen to me a lot in college.  I would ask this girl out, she would turn me down.  Later during the semester when I see the girl I am always friendly but not that friend zone friendly.  Usually after they go through a few a holes, you find out they start to seek you out or you might see them and say, "Hey you want to have dinner and Bam!" what was a no turns into a yes.

Anyway, if you never speak up or say anything what usually happens is that you start to build this emotional barrier where if the person says know when you finally get the nerve to ask them out, you become crushed.  I found just getting in their quick and stating your ground fixes that issue and also can prepare you for success later.

This is true for me too. Now we married lol. 

What I did was because I knew I liked her and didn't want to give up, I knew women get jealous of other women.  So I started talking more to other women I had no real interest in, in front of her so she would see it and then go in her head hang on what am I missing out on here.



 

 

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Machiavellian said:

I do not mind being friends with girls that rejected me.  That part happen all the time.  What I do not want is that when they fall out of a relationship, they think, "Let me go tell Mach", then they jump back into another relationship with someone else.  Instead, I rather they think "Let me give Mach a shot, lets see how that goes". I am always friendly, willing to hang out and hold no grudges.  What I did not like back in my High School days is being that friend guy who the girl told all the bad stuff her boyfriend did but was never considered the one to date.  I did not want to be that friend because if you really start to like someone you put yourself in a very awkward and painful situation.  After doing that for a couple times, I was like "Hell NO". I rather be friends with girls like that I have absolutely no interest in, then be mooning for a relationship but never be considered.

My point is more towards that when you leave that space within a woman mind that you are ok to be just a friend, then that is exactly where you will be and majority of the time stay.  Instead, I rather let a woman know that I am interested in a relationship.  This way there is no doubt that she comes back one day and say "Oh, I did not know you liked me like that".  From my experience, as long as my intention is known, there is never any confusion where I stand and thus there is no confusion with the woman I am seeking more than just being a buddy.

I see what you mean. I was once in a situation like that (a long time ago): I was kind of infatuated with a girl and we hung out a lot, but she just saw me as a friend. It's not a pleasant situation, that I can tell. Also, to make it worse, I was the only one who didn't know how I felt about her: self-deception to its fullest. Fortunately, that only happened once.

In the present, however, I think I have the opposite problem: besides the difficulty to find someone who's looking exactly for the same kind of relationship than me, I'm now "in love" with my solitude, so it's way harder for me to develop as much interest for other people as before; they'd have to really shake my mind so that I could click with them. In that regard, your piece of advice is pretty good: making things clear from the beginning saves a lot of time for everyone (and also makes my descriptions in Tinder and other apps way less appealing =P).



I have periods of social disconnection, it's a part of me that I need and keenly embrace. I'll still log in and read news and threads during those times, but I won't be (very) active on the site, so I apologize for any inconvenience that this may cause (late answers, bumps or the like).

Also...

Please, feel free to correct my English.

The girl I asked out said she's free to catch up once she finishes work training, but that's not til mid May, and I don't know if this is socially correct behaviour but I'm continuing the search in the mean time, and just asked out another girl I met on Coffee Meet Bagel. Waiting on her answer. Over two months feels like a long time to sit by and do nothing pinning my hopes on a potential date that has yet to happen.



Bet with Liquidlaser: I say PS5 and Xbox Series will sell more than 56 million combined by the end of 2023.

curl-6 said:

The girl I asked out said she's free to catch up once she finishes work training, but that's not til mid May, and I don't know if this is socially correct behaviour but I'm continuing the search in the mean time, and just asked out another girl I met on Coffee Meet Bagel. Waiting on her answer. Over two months feels like a long time to sit by and do nothing pinning my hopes on a potential date that has yet to happen.

Time is relative to how much you like someone lol



 

 

Cobretti2 said:
curl-6 said:

The girl I asked out said she's free to catch up once she finishes work training, but that's not til mid May, and I don't know if this is socially correct behaviour but I'm continuing the search in the mean time, and just asked out another girl I met on Coffee Meet Bagel. Waiting on her answer. Over two months feels like a long time to sit by and do nothing pinning my hopes on a potential date that has yet to happen.

Time is relative to how much you like someone lol

Well we're only just still getting to know each other so I'm keeping my options open haha. I wouldn't date more than one woman at once or anything, but since we're not dating yet I'm just not ruling out the possibility I'll meet someone else in the mean time.



Bet with Liquidlaser: I say PS5 and Xbox Series will sell more than 56 million combined by the end of 2023.

curl-6 said:
Cobretti2 said:

Time is relative to how much you like someone lol

Well we're only just still getting to know each other so I'm keeping my options open haha. I wouldn't date more than one woman at once or anything, but since we're not dating yet I'm just not ruling out the possibility I'll meet someone else in the mean time.

Lol sometimes there is a spark on first encounter (yes even over messages or skype etc). Hard to explain.

But guessing by your response there isn't something there that makes you want to hold out until you get to know them better.