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Forums - NSFW Discussion - Tinder worth paying for?

 

Is it worth paying for?

Yep! 5 8.62%
 
No! 53 91.38%
 
Total:58
Cobretti2 said:
curl-6 said:

Well we're only just still getting to know each other so I'm keeping my options open haha. I wouldn't date more than one woman at once or anything, but since we're not dating yet I'm just not ruling out the possibility I'll meet someone else in the mean time.

Lol sometimes there is a spark on first encounter (yes even over messages or skype etc). Hard to explain.

But guessing by your response there isn't something there that makes you want to hold out until you get to know them better.

It's more I get the sense they're not really that interested so don't wanna waste 2 months waiting for nothing to happen.



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Cobretti2 said:
Machiavellian said:

Lol, true you can experience rejection but lets say out of 10 girls you believe is very hot, if one says yes well, you are a winner.  When I was in high school, I did not approach any girls believing all the ones I thought was beyond me would turn me down.  When I went to college, I decided to just approach any girl that I thought was hot and give it a shot.  The first thing I came away with is that when they shot me down, I really did not feel anything.  Since I did not wait or moon over the girl where a rejection would crush me, I did not put anything emotional into it so it was all good.  

What I found out is that when you let a girl know you are interested in them, you are always in the game.  Sometimes things does not click right away but if you are a cool and do not take the rejection personally, you find out a lot of times that later on you will get your shot if you are still available.  This happen to me a lot in college.  I would ask this girl out, she would turn me down.  Later during the semester when I see the girl I am always friendly but not that friend zone friendly.  Usually after they go through a few a holes, you find out they start to seek you out or you might see them and say, "Hey you want to have dinner and Bam!" what was a no turns into a yes.

Anyway, if you never speak up or say anything what usually happens is that you start to build this emotional barrier where if the person says know when you finally get the nerve to ask them out, you become crushed.  I found just getting in their quick and stating your ground fixes that issue and also can prepare you for success later.

This is true for me too. Now we married lol. 

What I did was because I knew I liked her and didn't want to give up, I knew women get jealous of other women.  So I started talking more to other women I had no real interest in, in front of her so she would see it and then go in her head hang on what am I missing out on here.

Lol, the old saying that a woman do not notice a man until he has someone else I believe is always true.  I told my Son this when he went off to college.  He liked this girl but she was not giving him the time of day.  I told him you are never suppose to hold out for a girl.  State your claim and then move on.  He did that, started to see another girl and the one he liked got jealous.  They had a conversation and he told her that you turned me down so what did you expect me to do.  Its like women do not really accept you as dating material unless you have someone else.



Verter said:
Machiavellian said:

I do not mind being friends with girls that rejected me.  That part happen all the time.  What I do not want is that when they fall out of a relationship, they think, "Let me go tell Mach", then they jump back into another relationship with someone else.  Instead, I rather they think "Let me give Mach a shot, lets see how that goes". I am always friendly, willing to hang out and hold no grudges.  What I did not like back in my High School days is being that friend guy who the girl told all the bad stuff her boyfriend did but was never considered the one to date.  I did not want to be that friend because if you really start to like someone you put yourself in a very awkward and painful situation.  After doing that for a couple times, I was like "Hell NO". I rather be friends with girls like that I have absolutely no interest in, then be mooning for a relationship but never be considered.

My point is more towards that when you leave that space within a woman mind that you are ok to be just a friend, then that is exactly where you will be and majority of the time stay.  Instead, I rather let a woman know that I am interested in a relationship.  This way there is no doubt that she comes back one day and say "Oh, I did not know you liked me like that".  From my experience, as long as my intention is known, there is never any confusion where I stand and thus there is no confusion with the woman I am seeking more than just being a buddy.

I see what you mean. I was once in a situation like that (a long time ago): I was kind of infatuated with a girl and we hung out a lot, but she just saw me as a friend. It's not a pleasant situation, that I can tell. Also, to make it worse, I was the only one who didn't know how I felt about her: self-deception to its fullest. Fortunately, that only happened once.

In the present, however, I think I have the opposite problem: besides the difficulty to find someone who's looking exactly for the same kind of relationship than me, I'm now "in love" with my solitude, so it's way harder for me to develop as much interest for other people as before; they'd have to really shake my mind so that I could click with them. In that regard, your piece of advice is pretty good: making things clear from the beginning saves a lot of time for everyone (and also makes my descriptions in Tinder and other apps way less appealing =P).

I know exactly how you feel with being in love with your solitude.  Actually you will find that there are a lot of woman who are at that same place as well.  Try changing up your Tinder profile to highlight that and see what happens.  There are a lot of women who do not want needy men and it seems you do not want a needy woman.  Instead you want someone who has their space and you have yours and you both have common interest to do things together.  Stating those things in your profile I believe will net you someone who is in the same place as you.



curl-6 said:

The girl I asked out said she's free to catch up once she finishes work training, but that's not til mid May, and I don't know if this is socially correct behaviour but I'm continuing the search in the mean time, and just asked out another girl I met on Coffee Meet Bagel. Waiting on her answer. Over two months feels like a long time to sit by and do nothing pinning my hopes on a potential date that has yet to happen.

I would say its definitely correct behavior.  Never hold out on a maybe and instead continue to pursue what you are looking for. Your maybe could find someone else and be like "Oh, well I found someone else sorry" and you would feel like a fool for waiting. If the maybe comes back and you are still available great.  If not then you at least have a decision, keep going with what you have now or go with the maybe.  I have faced way to many maybe and then that person just moves on without ever giving me a shot.

Actually this happen with my son where the girl stated she was doing her masters and did not want to commit to any relationship at the moment.  I told him to move on but still be cool and do not hold any grudges, she is just not in the same place where you are at.  She end up leaving the college and going back home which was far away.  Turns out after about 6 months, she came back to the same city and sought him out.  They are not dating but during that time when she was gone he was dating a few other girls which got back to her and she felt she needed to come back and stake her claim.  



Machiavellian said:
curl-6 said:

The girl I asked out said she's free to catch up once she finishes work training, but that's not til mid May, and I don't know if this is socially correct behaviour but I'm continuing the search in the mean time, and just asked out another girl I met on Coffee Meet Bagel. Waiting on her answer. Over two months feels like a long time to sit by and do nothing pinning my hopes on a potential date that has yet to happen.

I would say its definitely correct behavior.  Never hold out on a maybe and instead continue to pursue what you are looking for. Your maybe could find someone else and be like "Oh, well I found someone else sorry" and you would feel like a fool for waiting. If the maybe comes back and you are still available great.  If not then you at least have a decision, keep going with what you have now or go with the maybe.  I have faced way to many maybe and then that person just moves on without ever giving me a shot.

Actually this happen with my son where the girl stated she was doing her masters and did not want to commit to any relationship at the moment.  I told him to move on but still be cool and do not hold any grudges, she is just not in the same place where you are at.  She end up leaving the college and going back home which was far away.  Turns out after about 6 months, she came back to the same city and sought him out.  They are not dating but during that time when she was gone he was dating a few other girls which got back to her and she felt she needed to come back and stake her claim.  

Thank you.

This was basically how I thought of it, waiting two months on a "maybe" and not keeping my options open in the mean time seemed really limiting and like it could waste a lot of my time. Especially as I've just matched with this other girl. Man I'm so damn nervous even when messaging women, just holding a conversation feels like juggling while walking a tightrope, blind-folded haha.

Last edited by curl-6 - on 13 March 2021

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Never wait for a maybe. A maybe is more than likely a no. Maybes are too polite to say no.

On the surface online dating appears to be a good way for introverted males to date but it has a very low response rate and makes it more frustrating than taking the risk on asking women out in real life interactions. 

Online dating apps are a waste of time and it gets boring very fast. I delete apps after 2 weeks and come back months later to try again for the same predictable results of no matches and no messages. Paying for upgrades are only a waste of money and will not improve things.

I have bombed out on OKCupid and Plenty Of Fish. I have not bothered with Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, etc but I expect no matches and more time wasted. 

Last edited by Phoenix20 - on 15 March 2021

Okay so it was a no-go with the girl on Coffee Meet Bagel, she stopped responding and our match timed out, but I matched with another girl on Bumble and I asked her out and she said yes!

Now, that doesn't mean it will happen as I've been ghosted after receiving a "yes" before, but we seem to be vibing really well so i hope this time I get as far as an actual date. She's really cute and attractively quirky.



Bet with Liquidlaser: I say PS5 and Xbox Series will sell more than 56 million combined by the end of 2023.

curl-6 said:

Okay so it was a no-go with the girl on Coffee Meet Bagel, she stopped responding and our match timed out, but I matched with another girl on Bumble and I asked her out and she said yes!

Now, that doesn't mean it will happen as I've been ghosted after receiving a "yes" before, but we seem to be vibing really well so i hope this time I get as far as an actual date. She's really cute and attractively quirky.

nice, good luck man



Phoenix20, there is nothing wrong waiting for a maybe or even a no.

It all depends how much you like someone. Sometimes waiting that extra mile pans out sometimes it doesn't.

As I said before, time is relative to how much you hope to hook up with someone.

Everyone has the ideal wish list in their mind on what they want in a partner. That is what is called a unicorn. Depending on how many boxes they tick on that wish list, will ultimately determine how long you willing to wait. You may not even realise it that you are waiting if in your mind they appear to be close to the perfect match.



 

 

Cobretti2 said:

Phoenix20, there is nothing wrong waiting for a maybe or even a no.

It all depends how much you like someone. Sometimes waiting that extra mile pans out sometimes it doesn't.

As I said before, time is relative to how much you hope to hook up with someone.

Everyone has the ideal wish list in their mind on what they want in a partner. That is what is called a unicorn. Depending on how many boxes they tick on that wish list, will ultimately determine how long you willing to wait. You may not even realise it that you are waiting if in your mind they appear to be close to the perfect match.

I would have to disagree.  My reason would be that you basically put yourself on hold and in limbo.  You will constantly be thinking about the situation but have no way to do anything until whatever time period the other person is going through is over.  Limbo to me is a terrible state, you miss out on other opportunities that could be right their for you to obtain while hoping the maybe becomes a yes.  Even if you consider them a perfect match does not mean they consider you the same.  The thing is the longer you wait and do nothing, the more you put emotionally into the outcome of the maybe and if it fails, it usually crushes you more then if you did not wait.

They way I see it, you become way more attractive when you show that you are moving on with your life then when you are their waiting for something to happen.  You appear more desperate.  I rather work in a place of strength then weakness as I look at it.  The way I see it, a maybe will always means "Lets be friends" which is exactly how I would take it.  If that turns into something else, at least the other person will not feel bad if they switch gears and go a different direction because someone or something else entered the situation.