Get yourself an old blackberry. I have a Blackberry Classic since 6 months or so and I'm loving it. It bugs you with some stupid amazon updates at the start, but after that you won't hear from it again. There simply are no more updates besides the initial stuff. Nobody cares about Blackberry OS anymore and that's a good thing. You also don't have to worry about hacks too much, because hackers also don't care about BB OS!
Other than that, the device does everything I need. Sure, it's a little slow and it doesn't have flashy animations. But it gets jobs like SMS, phone calls, some internet browsing and all that shit perfectly done. Most apps you know from android are missing, but in most cases you will get the same funcitonality with the browser. I'm doing online banking with the browser and I check the times for the train with the browser. Works perfectly ok.
The device is also built rock-solid and the battery lasts me 2-3 days without a recharge. Plus, because nobody wants it, it's cheap as fuck. I got mine brand-new for 50 €. If you are disgusted with the modern day android and iOS stuff, I would very much recommend you trying it out.
Official member of VGC's Nintendo family, approved by the one and only RolStoppable. I feel honored.