This is also the best controller ever. No competition!

Are you by chance an... alien?

Wiimote + Nunchuk

I'm genuinely curious, is this a joke, or for real? Just wondering... 

Serious.

I consider it the best controller I have ever used for any system. Going back to dual analogue feels archaic to me now.

Gamecube Controller, though the Wii U Pro Controller is a close second to me.

No .

There's a common misconception where you need three hands because there's three handles. However, there's never a game that requires both analogue stick and D-Pad, so your left hand is always on one or the other, never needing to switch. On top of that, the face buttons are exactly in the correct spot for me to only shift my thumb a tiny bit to be able to touch everything and the trigger is in the most logical position of any controller. Ergonomically it also falls smoothly into the curves of my hands. 

The Wii-Remote/Nunchuck combo is most likely my second favorite. It works almost exactly like the N64 controller with similar button placements and similar handling (handling of the buttons and the holding of the controller), where the Nunchuck equals the middle part of the N64 controller and the remote the right part with the facebuttons. Most people don't notice that.

Anyway like I said, there's plusses and minusses for all of them; I think the spaces between the handles of the N64 controllers should have been just a bit wider (so it's a bit too small), while the Wii-Remote doesn't comfortably falls in my hands enough. I get why the N64 controller would be difficult with bigger hands. The GameCube controller probably has the best analogue stick and triggers, while the GamePad is obviously by far the most versatile.

N64 controller easily

How is this even a question? Gamecube of course. I like the Wii U pro controller but I've been playing through my cube games again and the thing just melts into my hands.