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Forums - Nintendo Discussion - How Miyamoto's retirement is a glorious opportunity for Nintendo: let's brainstorm!

I think we can all agree that Nintendo, as a company, is entirely too kiddy for its own good. Their leadership may have seen them through the past 123 years, but everyone knows that they won't last another five years at the rate they're going. Since Nintendo is too stubborn to (openly) embrace the obious iOS future, (owing primarily to fear, since their games aren't good enough to top the discerning iOS' users charts). It is obvious that they should instead make their offerings more mature, which should lead to Sony-like success.

Fortunately, an opportunity now exists. Miyamoto, who thinks less of videogames than he does mere toys, is "stepping down" (i.e. getting forced out by Iwata, who can finally be rid of a figure he's always hated and feared) as the overall master of all things Nintendo. This means Nintendo can finally grow up. And it will do that by, at long last, making some real games; they've already used up their "Get Out Of Criticism Free" card, so time to get to work.


So here's what I want from you. Nintendo was no longer able to make games that an adult would feel secure in buying. So we're going to get the ball rolling for them by outlining mature titles for them to make. Of course, since Nintendo can't make new IPs anymore, we'll have to start with an existing Nintendo IP as the base. So pitch me a game. I'll start:


The IP: Ice Climbers

The Genre: Survival Horror

The Plot:

It has been two weeks since Nana and Popo climbed the mountain and got the village's fruit back, or whatever the fuck that game was supposed to be about. Life seems happy and bright in...Ice Climberia(?). Winter has come, and it looks to be the worst in history, but thanks to Nana and Popo there will be enough food to last it out.

Until one day, a horrific discovery is made: because the villagers were stupid enough to raise crops like corn, eggplant, and other stuff that does not store well in sub-zero temperatures, they village quickly runs out of food. Meanwhile, the condor, upset that his plan to save his own family by stealing the village's crop has failed, decides to recruit the region's predators for his next plan: raid and consume the flesh of every one of the villagers. The Starving Times have come. The Hungry Hordes are coming. And Despair sets in.


You can play as either Nana or Popo. The goal is to escape your village and head south, for warmer climes. The first level features the condor's intitial assault, spearheaded by wolves: the player is rewarded for every villager he saves, but being too slow can (and will) result in the grisly death of villagers. Picture a zombie movie where the zombies have overrun the defenses and simply feast on the still-living.

Starting with the second stage, the player must rally the survivors on their journey. The player gets a Hunger and Warmth meter: both of these constantly decline, and must be kept up by eating food and finding sources of warmth, respectively. Both of these, along with weaponry, will be in short supply.

However, the player may build up his supplies by turning upon one or more of the other survivors, each of whom has various levels of weaponry, torches/flints, and, depending on the character's age, meat. If the player acts unilaterally in this regard, he will be ostracized by the group, but using persuasion on other members will lead to them joining in and thus can lower or negate this penalty, albeit at the cost of only harvesting a fraction of the rewards. This introduces an added diplomatic aspect to the game. Of course, other survivors are making the same calculations as the player, so trusting the group implicitly may lead to a non-standard gameover.

Combat is real-time, and weapons are divided into three broad categories: blunt, piercing, and missle. Icepicks, knives, slings, bows, hammers, and spears are common examples. However, these items can break with usage, and all of them are useful outside of combat as survival tools, which restricts the player's ability to simply cut his way through enemies. Weapons and tools use motion controls, to truly capture the visceral feel of slamming a hammer into a bear's skull, spearing a fish, or shoving someone off a cliff to make the death look accidental.


The game's music will be updated orchestral versions of the original's music, although the ending will be licensed master track of Staying Alive.



I've done my part to get the ball rolling. Now it's your term, fellow VGChartz members. Lay your ideas on me!

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Oi! What the heck? I have no recollection of ever making that thread. I'm not doubting that I did, but it's by far the biggest piece of rubbish I've ever written, and quite up there in terms of everything I've read.

This thread is absolutely brilliant, though. One of the funniest opening posts I've read in all the years I've been here, and surely the best in 2012. Fantastic, Noname!

Best OP ever xD

Nintendo and PC gamer

Oh God we got hardcore gamer telling us Nintendo is to kiddy but will play PSAS >.>

They follow his ideas and he has said himself no reason to be dumb and create games from posters that believe that.

I say Nintendo create games for everyone and don't become a HD twin.

"Excuse me sir, I see you have a weapon. Why don't you put it down and let's settle this like gentlemen"  ~ max

Nintengirls. It's about time really.

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spurgeonryan said:
Could you post the link to this masterpiece of an article please?

Here ya go!


Pineapple said:

Oi! What the heck? I have no recollection of ever making that thread. I'm not doubting that I did, but it's by far the biggest piece of rubbish I've ever written, and quite up there in terms of everything I've read.

I admit, I was extremely surprised when I read it the first time. I just assumed your brother had gotten his hands on your account or some such.


forest-spirit said:
Nintengirls. It's about time really.

With 3D and touch controls? You, sir, are a genius.

Just don't make it too realistic, or the target audience will get scared off.


RolStoppable said:

Personally, I'd like to see a reboot of Adventures of Lolo as an action platformer with a mature storyline. Nintendo shouldn't shy away from showing Lala's legs and much more. Collecting 100 of her panties will earn you an extra life,

"In this gritty re-imagining of the Lolo series, Lolo is an addict who is constantly prowling the streets in search of enough money to buy his next high. Initial hits are cheap, but as the game wears on prices keep skyrocketing, and the streets grow meaner as night falls and the junkies, gangbangers, and cops all come out to prey on the weak. But is what Lolo perceives truly reality? And why won't his girlfriend Lala come out to see him?

"Written by Jonathan Blow. "

Pfff! For some reason I can't take this seriously, but I will however sit back and enjoy the unfolding. And maybe, just maybe, put my own two quids on this topic. ;)

 And proud member of the Mega Mario Movement!

This change should affect other products, like their TV series. That's a good way to advertise their change. They should contact the MTV and make Kanto Shore.

Who will puke more times tonight, Pikachu or Piplup? Is Ash gay? Will Brock fulfill his dreams and have a threesome with nurse Joy and officer Jenny? All this and more tonight, in Kanto Shore!

A Mario Mafia game where he is an enforcer for a drug cartel called the Mushroom Kingdom. He makes his way through the sewers to end up at target locations to assassinate his target. He is paid exclusively in gold coins. Sometimes he takes the bodies and feeds them to his pet Yoshi; traces of the bodies are rarely found.

I describe myself as a little dose of toxic masculinity.

I'd like to see Nintendo EAD make some type of flag ship franchise that doesn't involve furry animals, bright primary colors, or mascot style characters, and something that's edgier than both Zelda/Metroid. Not that there's anything wrong with that, Mario is my favorite franchise period and I love Nintendo's franchises, but I'd like to see them do something in a totally different direction.

That's not to say I want something generic like Gears of EAD, no, but Konami has Metal Gear Solid. Capcom has Resident Evil. Square-Enix has Final Fantasy and Western IP now like Hitman and Tomb Raider.

I'd like to see something from Nintendo that's a little more "dark" without necessarily being embarrassingly "matooor". Doesn't have to be buckets of blood n' guts or anything silly like that.

Something that combines the gameplay genius and attention to detail of EAD in a presentation and style that isn't necessarily the same type of family-friendly formula. Perhaps an action game of some type, perhaps a horror game. What would a game like Resident Evil 6 be like if EAD was making it? It's interesting to think about.