Two pairs of joycons, both left joysticks drifting ...a lot

Not once. But I play mostly with the Pro controller.

Never had any problem.

I have a switch bought on launch day (so 4 years old now) only have the joy cons that came with the console and a pro controller. I play about 50/50 docked and handheld so I use both the joy cons and the pro controller equally.

*knock on wood* I've never experience this issue and I use my joycons a lot

My left joycon became almost unusable after 2 years. I know that you can open the joycon by yourself and replace the analog stick with a third party replacement. I haven't tried it, but I have the replacement parts at home. I actually use the Hori Split Pad Pro now, which has a few advantages and disadvantages, but I'm pretty happy with that solution. I don't need motion control that often and especially not in handheld mode. For TV mode I use the pro controller, which has gyro.

Yes, I don't use joycons now unless it's something like ring fit adventure for motion. I have a split pad pro for handheld and a pro controller for TV play. My Switch is now drift free.

Nope, 3 sets of Joy-Cons and 2 Lites in our house and never had the problem. Also have never meant anyone that has had the problem (at minimum 5 sets of Joy-Cons and 6 Lites that I can think of before my morning coffee kicks in).

You can fix the issue fairly easily by cleaning with electronic contact cleaner. The issue is caused by residue on the analog sensor. Basically, lift the little rubber thing, spray a little in, swirl the analog stick for about 30 seconds, let it dry a minute or two. It’ll most likely work after that.

Next time you play, there might be some residue left, just repeat the process. It should be gone after 2-4 treatments.

And yeah, I found you’ll probably need to do this again in about 1.5 to 2 years.

Yeah those elderly people calls were humorous to me. I blindly helped many grandma figure out how to connect the yellow red white video cable to tv. It takes about an our lol. The ones I hated were the mentally handicapped who love Nintendo nostalgia and called just to talk with someone about it. Member berries that just say “remember when” such n such. It was cute at first but it got old. Not ragging on them. A lot of cool people called and were fun to talk to. As well. 

I have a launch Switch and have been dealing with drift for over 2 years now. WD-40 electrical contact cleaner works well enough for a month or two. Now the Home button on my right joy-con is inconsistent (doesn't always register when pressed) but I refuse to give Nintendo money for an obviously defective design until they release a redesigned joy-con that fixes it. I have a pro controller that has had slight drift but the contact cleaner works for much longer on that one.