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Forums - Politics Discussion - How should I help my friend who is getting bullied.

OfficerRaichu15 said:

I know this might be too personal but its different opinions so I consider that politics kinda.

Anyway you guys know High school.

Popular kids make fun of non popular kids.

Jocks brag about their mucles and cheerleader girlfriends.

Well my friend is getting bullied by some handegg players.

(Sadly my school fits this stereotype)

What should I do or tell him since I personally don't know what to do sadly.

Ask your friend to do others activity, introduce him to other friends. Get him more friends, if possible you need to gather all student who get bullied by the same person and made an ally. Believe me he and you just need to be patient and remind each other.  Remember life is not always straight " today they might be your enemy but tomorrow they might become your friends. Today you might be a loser but tomorrow you might be a champion. As long He still have best friend or family to supported then everything will be alright. And don't forget that many unfortunate people more then him in the world that can survive.  Just try to remind him that he still luck and has a best friend to support him (or parent that love him).



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tell him to grow a think skin and just not listen or care what they say. as long its not physical, just get over it. Being a part of any extracuricular group may help if he has some social skills and can make some more friends. More friends will provide a positive influence and help balance out the crap he gets from other people. But really he just needs to get over it.



It's just highschool, stick by him and help him ignore them. Avoid them and things will get better when college times come.

Highschool doesnt last forever... although some people will never grow out of it, it's a great big world out there where those jocks are just a bunch of losers



I know I'm late, but here are a few thoughts.

Also, the comment above about advice not always being applicable is correct.

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First of all, regardless of the specifics, let him know you are there for him. Reminding somebody that there is someone who thinks they are worthwhile goes a long way.

In theory, ignoring a bully sometimes works out, but this is not always applicable. True, some bullies want to see people squirm under their oppression and bemoan their fate. Others just want a punching bag, physical or verbal. Some lack the sympathy and/or are empathetic enough to see through a bllank expression.

There are ways to directly confront bullies, but they are rarely worth the costs. My strategy was to react in a somewhat "crazy" fashion, baring my teeth and saying confusing statements to convince the bullies that I was not worth the trouble in case I ever snapped. It worked, but required becoming a social outcast for a year or two. From what I've seen, physically fighting back can have similar results, especially depending on school policies. Fighting can sometimes be worth if things get that bad, but school policies often have their own punishments. For that reason, an ideal fight is one that only needs to happen once. If you need to fight a second time, you did not do it properly the first time. Think about the beginning of Ender's Game and turn back the violence by a notch.

Even if "reasonable authority figures" like the principal are often useless, there are still people to contact. It does not always have to be a direct solution either. Maybe your friend is by himself in History class. If you have another friend in the same class, try introducing the two. It can be a good thing for both parties. Maybe you know somebody on the handegg team that is not a jerk. You can ask him for his advice on the matter, since he would probably know things about the bully you wouldn't. In that last example though, make sure it remains confidential.

Also talk to any other people in your friend's life who care about him, including friends, family, favorite teachers, or whatever. If applicable, exchange contact info for emergency purposes. This might not always be immediately fruitful, but at least it makes a net to help your friend in case something bad happens.

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My personal story: I was bullied on a fairly regular basis in elementary and middle (junior high) school. There were a lot of reasons for this, and it was a number of people on and off over the course of eight years. What got it to end was that in high school, I somehow ended up making friends and aquaintances with people who had enough social standing to prevent some of this early on.

Part of this had to do with how my personality developed going into high school. On one hand, I was passionate about academic studies, especially history and literature. I also developed a sense of humor at that time that was very situational, and thus could be applied to any given audience. Not to mention that I had lost quite a bit of respect for the school system by this time. So when people saw me, they saw a geeky but (intentionally) funny oddball who was eager to tell students with Biology Class in the Afternoon what they needed to study based on the test I had in the morning. Hey, it helped their grades and their understanding of the topic, so why would I care? Teachers generally liked me because I was passionate about the subjects and did my best to keep the classes alive. If this involved thowing a sexual innuendo out as an answer to a question about Macbeth... well, Macbeth had far wose. I suspect that a few potential bullies were kept away by the number of peers who would rather I keep on helping with their work and making jokes in class.

One one or two rare instances where verbal bullying may have begun, I sabotaged it by improving it. I got insulted, but then gave the bully tips on how the same insult could be changed a bit to be harder on me and more fitting of the situation. It both made them laugh and created a "Not Giving a Fuck" atmosphere. I also think somebody mentioned sleeping with my mother, to which I asked if they had a lovely time.

It also helped that I had spent a decade learning how not to draw negative attention and had finally gotten decent at understanding human faces.

I was lucky.

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Thanks for caring about him.



Love and tolerate.

If your schools any good tell the principal and he'll be expelled immedately (as long as you have good reasons/ proof), some schools have a zero tolerance for bullying.



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OfficerRaichu15 said:

I know this might be too personal but its different opinions so I consider that politics kinda.

Anyway you guys know High school.

Popular kids make fun of non popular kids.

Jocks brag about their mucles and cheerleader girlfriends.

Well my friend is getting bullied by some handegg players.

(Sadly my school fits this stereotype)

What should I do or tell him since I personally don't know what to do sadly.

The first step is to stop hiding behind an 'imaginary friend' and face your problems head on. We all know it's you.

That shamed lie (why lie or feel ashamed when we don't even know who you are? that's the kind of weakness bullies can smell) has stopped folks from being able to help you. Notice the number one advice is: be there for your friend. But you ARE your friend. So that advice (that YOU asked for) is just making you feel even worse, because you can't help your friend, because you ARE him. See? It's a viscious cycle, with needless shame and fear in the center of it.

I know exactly what it's like, my mate. I had these problems up through sixth grade. It's easy to fix, but it can't happen over night.

That you're so frightened of being hurt explains why you make such a great target to these jerks. I was the same way. I got all worked up over their mockery, and that's why they made fun of me. As soon as I realized they were making fun of me because it was so funny for them, I realized there were better ways of amusing them: all they wanted was a cure to their boredom.

I just realized I was better than them, since I would never have been cruel to someone for fun, so I just started to mock them first with way burnier digs and they all realized I was the ish. It was more fun for us to all be on the same side. My circle of friends didn't expand THAT dramatically, but the number of people I had serious problems with at school dropped to zero (except for some douchey teachers, but that's the luck of the draw.)



Why does your friend care so much about what people say/think about him?



kowenicki said:
Mindfulness

Control your own thoughts and thus your own emotions. Nobody else can control your thoughts unless you let them.


Some might brush this off as silly, but it's the best suggestion in this thread. Also does he do any pasttime activites/sports? You should suggest he start with martial arts, not to beat his bullies up, but to have something to focus on.



Teeqoz said:
kowenicki said:
Mindfulness

Control your own thoughts and thus your own emotions. Nobody else can control your thoughts unless you let them.


Some might brush this off as silly, but it's the best suggestion in this thread. Also does he do any pasttime activites/sports? You should suggest he start with martial arts, not to beat his bullies up, but to have something to focus on.


Martial arts are a good idea as well. Well anything that he can put his negative energy into, really. For me it was a heavy bag and some hand wraps + boxing gloves.



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