Q: What did the little black boy get for Christmas?

A: Your bike

A kid goes to the biggest ice cream store in his city and ask:
"Do you have eggplant ice cream"?
"No", answered the store owner.
The next day the same kid comes and asks the same question. He returns the next day and keep doing this for an entire week. Confused, the store manager decide to make his own eggplant brand ice cream. Then the next day when the kid ask about eggplant flavored ice cream he smile and answer:
"Yes, we got lots of it"!
"Really? That is so gross".

Two atoms are walking down the street

One stops, and says "Wait, wait, shoot, I lost an electron!"

The other says, "Are you sure?"





"I'm positive"

A pirate walks into a bar, orders a drink.

Bartender looks over at him, noticing a big, wooden ship steering wheel attached to his crotch.

He says, "Umm, I dunno if you know this, but, you've got a steering wheel on your crotch!"

"Arrrr" The pirate responds, "It's drivin' me nuts"

There you have my top-12 favorite jokes of all time. I'm sure there are more...heck, I haven;t even started in on the 'dead baby' jokes. But those are the best, I think. I'm sure I missed some in there...

anyway, I hope they made you all chuckle. Have a good day!

There are some pretty funny jokes in this thread.

Oh! I just found this one, awesome!:

A traffic cop pulls over Werner Heisenberg. He walks up to Heisenberg and asks, “Do you know how fast you were going?”

“No, but I can tell you exactly where I am.”

What's blue and doesn't fit anymore?


A dead epileptic!
Lol at my own epilepsy

There was a sausage and an egg in a frying pan, the egg say 'It's hot in here, innit?' and the sausage says 'Fuck me! A talking egg!'

It's 1945 and Adolph Hitler has just committed suicide, through some administrative cock-up he ends up in Heaven, stood outside the pearly gates.
Saint Peter gets back from his lunch and spies Hitler through the gates, spitting out his sandwich, he cries "what the fuck are you doing here?!"
Hitler replies "I have no idea. Are you going to let me in?"
"Do me a lemon!" says Saint Peter "You've killed millions of people. There's no way you're getting in here!"
Hitler looks a little disappointed and asks "Could I speak to someone in charge?"
Saint Peter, not wanting to deal with Hitler any more goes off and asks Jesus to go down to the pearly gates.
On arriving, Jesus spies Hitler through the gates and, shocked, shouts "You can fuck off for a start!"
Hitler replies "Jesus, you have all these lost souls in Berlin you must go down and save. Take my jack boots so you don't cut your feet in those sandals and, in exchange, you can let me into heaven."
Jesus ponders for a split second, then replies "No way, man, you're a mass-murdering madman, I'm not letting you in here."
Hitler has a think then says "Russian front! Loads of lost souls on the Russian front. Take my coat to keep you warm and, in exchange, you can let me into Heaven."
Jesus thinks, for a bit longer this time, then says "No, I cant do it. If I let you in here my dad will kill me!"
Hitler has a good think, then turns back to Jesus and says "Iron Cross! You let me in here Jesus and you can have my Iron Cross!"
Jesus ponders for a while then says "I tell you what, I'll go and ask my dad."
So off Jesus goes to see God. He explains what's been happening down at the pearly gates and tells God about the boots and the coat.
God says "Look son, I'm as fair as the next man, but Adolph Hitler ain't getting in here for a pair of boots and a coat!"
"Ah," says Jesus, "...but THEN he offered me his Iron Cross!"
On hearing this God bursts into a fit of hysterics. He's down on the floor, clutching his stomach and laughing his ass off.
Catching his breath, God says "Iron Cross? FUCKING IRON CROSS? You couldn't carry a wooden cross, you soft cunt!"

if you do dead baby jokes you are all going to get shamed by the UBER DEAD BABY JOKE


What do you get when you hit a baby in the head with a hammer,
(pause)
i dont know about you but i get a bonner

also this is a real add from the 30's

Oh, I forgot one of my favorites:

Bacon and Eggs walks into a bar

Bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve breakfast"