Yeah one thing that can happen is if you're considering "gifted" your struggles kinda get overlooked; my autism and ADHD went undiagnosed when I was in school cos I was like 4 years ahead of my year level in stuff like reading and writing, and an academic over-achiever. 

The more "high-functioning" you are, the less your struggles are recognized. Like, I can fake being "normal" to an extent to avoid social backlash, but at the same time I have crippling anxiety and can't stay organized or stick to a task to save my life. This leads to burnout, and to people thinking you're just lazy cos they expect you to be able to do everything an able-bodied person can cos your disability is "invisible".

Very recognizable. I was "gifted" as a beta student, math, science all 9s and 10s, yet languages, history 4's, 5s, and 6s. I had to do extra language work in summer not to fail classes and always had a block to do book reports and story writing. My mother covered for me and wrote my story assignments a couple times. So when I burned out during school and all my grades suffered it was just temporary and easily made back up on the non language related side.

In university it fell apart. My lack of organization and motivation was covered in high school by strict tasks, clear deadlines and good, strict teachers. The only things that went wrong there was when we had to do projects together. In university the structure was gone and I dropped out in the third year.

And thinking back at the awkward attempts to make a connection with girls still hurts. Without Everquest I would still be single and alone. (Met my wife while playing, first kiss at age 25) I still don't know how I managed to emigrate, but with the motivation of leaving my horrible life (lot of drinking and drugs at the time to cope) behind and being with the girl I fell in love with through chat made it happen. Nothing left to lose, everything to gain and I'm so happy I managed to make that transition. (But now never want to fly or move again! Done enough of that for multiple lifetimes)

Ah I always wondered:

"Not feeling homesick is a common experience for many autistic individuals, often driven by different ways of processing emotions, a preference for new routines, or the comfort of a "safe" space regardless of location."

I was fleeing my life / myself as much as running to my wife (fiancée at the time), my new safe space. 

Yep, self-medication with drugs and alcohol and excelling in some areas only to struggle in others are classic ND traits, story of my life too.

Didn't have my first relationship until I was 23, was always just too awkward to be any good at courtship.

Yep. I was diagnosed back around 1989-90. I've always had problems remembering to do things, or forget things in the middle of doing them, or losing track of things, I can easily meander between things, and I tend to have problems keeping things organized. Like, I'll let mail pile up for a while before doing anything about it. I need constant reminders to do certain things, especially if it's a one-off or otherwise rare thing that's no part of my usual daily routine, and even then I can forget because of how easily distracted I am. That's why I hate how my laundry machine doesn't have an end-of-cycle buzzer; without that sound letting me know it's done, I just forget the laundry even exists. It's only things that I've spend incredible effort getting into the habit of doing that I remember to do consistently. I cope with it better than I did when I was younger, but my executive still doesn't function a lot of time. On the other hand, there are times where I can get absolutely laser-focused on one thing. Like, I'll let cleaning the house slide sometimes because I get distracted by other things, but eventually I'll get sick of looking at the mess and get a cleaning bug up my rear and go to town on the house, sweeping, cleaning the kitchen, organizing stuff, etc.

I've also been recently diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and intermittent explosive disorder (which are apparently co-morbid to a relatively high degree). The anxiety had gotten bad enough to where I saw some doctors and had to be prescribed medication. I'm actually doing much better now, though highly stressful situation still cause the anxiety symptoms to creep back a bit. Still, all the symptoms are gone 99% of the time, and I'm much more even keeled these days in terms of mood and general disposition. I haven't had a rage episode in weeks when exposed to stimuli that usually set them off. At most it's just mild to moderate irritation that goes away quickly.

Neurodivergency and mental illness can indeed make life difficult at times. Glad I'm getting the help I need now. Should have been on it 20-30 years ago, but better late than never.

Really struggling today, everything is too much. I went back to bed at 1, hid under the blankets until just now, 4:30. What I need is to feel the sun but it has been cold and overcast for days. My oldest made a mess of the laundry again, which I was doing but while I was in bed he got into the dryer, half emptied it and left everything mixed with all the other clothes still on the floor. One of my triggers, now I have to sort everything again.

Got a headache all day, everything hurts, tinnitus piercing my head. Forcing myself to drink although hot chocolate tastes awful atm. At least it's warm. Dunno where everyone went, I heard the garage door close, just here with our neurotic dog, another trigger.

Hey brother, hope you feel better soon.

You have always been a great person to have around here, definitely hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

Man so much of this applies to me as well; I feel ya.

I also wish I'd gotten support sooner; I was born in 1989, but only got diagnosed as autistic in 2008 at age 19, and ADHD just now at age 37. I often wonder how different things might have been if I'd gotten support as a kid instead of waiting til adulthood.

Hope you feel better soon man. 

What coping strategies work for you? Going for a run/walk, gaming, or meditation have helped me.

Thanks, that means a lot.

Thanks as well. I run every other day for 20K or more, couple hours. However construction everywhere has messed with my routes and the noise and visual mess is very stressing. It's not working as it used to and it's a bad time to switch up routes in the middle of a burnout. The other days I lift weights, push ups etc while counting reps. Synthriders is my go to game to get my mind calmed down. Gaming is a double edged sword, sometimes it relaxes me, sometimes it makes me more stressed. I guess it's an ASD thing not to feel any satisfaction beating hard bosses, at least for me. Hence I avoid Souls games nowadays. Love the world building, yet the challenges are all negative experiences, doesn't matter I can do them or not.

I want to get into FS2024 on PSVR2, played the beta a couple times (full release is out for PSVR2), but I don't have the mental energy now to figure out the controls. I can fly these planes no problem, but in VR all the controls are messed up and you can't simply google anything with the headset on. I've only been playing Synthriders past week, can't even get myself to start up Puzzling Places, which is also a good stim.

I'm gonna continue my workout now, then eat, although it's past 10pm already. Completely lost track of time as well, but at least it's quiet and dark now. Hopefully some sun tomorrow, another stress factor, the weather site is always wrong nowadays or vague, sun/cloud/rain all day. Uncertainty is the last thing I need right now. Anyway should be 14c tomorrow, I can run through rain. Rain dampens the noise outside, not all bad.

Yeah I avoid hard games as I'm already stressed out enough and play games to relax; for me also difficulty is a mostly negative experience.

For me, it's about finding those positive triggers and using those to balance out the bad ones; the things that fill your cup as opposed to emptying it. Medication helps; I'm actually quite interested in seeing if ADHD medication can help with me always being so disorganised and forgetful and unmotivated. 

The sun woke me up before 7AM, go figure. (After falling asleep -ish at 3 AM) The bedroom looks out East with big patio glass doors, need better curtains. Clouds moved in not much later while still only 2c outside, smh. Can't stand this cycle of clear below zero nights and cloudy days, but have to deal with it.

Anyway quiet morning is good, oldest left just before I woke up to go on a spring cycling event with his club. Good for him. I think he wanted me to come as well during the day but not up to driving 60km to get there. At least it's warmer there already and no rain in the forecast for him. He'll have a good time. My wife, youngest and the dog are still asleep.

I self medicate with cannabis for sleep and perspective. It works most of the time and the perspective shift is always good to remind me to see things from all sides and that feelings of shame, self doubt and guilt are temporary (cannabis enhances those) It's a bit like, process the negativity let it work itself through, wake up more positive in the morning. And there's also the fun part, getting really drawn into music, better focus as well as clearer vision somehow and making VR feel more real.

I wish you the best finding the right medication for you. It can be a long journey or you might get it right the first time. A good doctor helps. Are you really disorganized or just differently organized? My wife has what's called the butterfly organization style, short clutterbug. So her stuff is all over the house which looks disorganized but she always manages to thing things (eventually). I try to get her to use her phone calendar more (but iPhone regularly screws up) but keep track of things on the fridge as a fall back. I also keep a list of her passwords for her. She lets me handle all the finances, but I also miss things. For example the cannabis delivery guy told me my driver's license (need ID) was 2 months expired, oops.

My wife and I both struggle with motivation, body doubling can help there (initiating a task together) but not if we both have no motivation for those tasks lol. Garage needs cleaning so we can get new garage doors, for 2 years now. House needs new siding, 5 years now. (Everything was in place but Covid screwed it up, factory delayed, contractor abandoned us) These major project stress us out, still 'recovering' from getting a new roof 3 years ago. Banging on the roof for weeks. (life time roof now, that's done) And currently there's already enough construction going on around us. But I did manage to patch the driveway with my oldest, brought in more sand and gravel from the river. No more big standing puddles. Quiet manual labor :) Like cutting dead and fallen trees up with an axe and saw. Neighbors always telling me you can use my chainsaw, No. An electric weed wacker is already too loud for me. Power tools are nightmare tools.

For me with motivation it seems once I start I won't stop until it's done or I can't anymore. Autistic inertia in action. Will not to take any breaks in between, task switching, interruptions will make it easily last hours longer or abort the whole thing. Yet so often it feels impossible to just get up and get started, like my mind is waiting to fill up the tank before being able to execute.