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Forums - General Discussion - 10 years clean of self-harm (content warning)

It's officially a full decade now since I managed to overcome one of my darkest demons.

For much of my teens and early 20s I was harming myself on and off due to self-loathing as a result of first undiagnosed and then poorly understood autism; whenever I struggled with something, instead of realizing it was usually due to a disconnection between the way my brain worked and a world that wasn't accommodating of my neurology, I blamed myself, and when the frustration boiled over into anger I took it out on myself.

At 22 I hit rock bottom when one particularly nasty incident landed me in the emergency room. The shock of this helped break the habit initially, and in the years since, by finding my place in the autism community and thus learning to better understand my own mind, I finally stopped blaming myself for everything and found self-acceptance.

Working with so many others like myself in my career as an advocate also held up a mirror through which I started to see the good in myself through others, instead of just the bad.

The scars will always be there, but where once they were angry red, now they are pale and faded. The spectre of relapse has reared its head at various low points over the last decade, but over the years it has showed up less and less, until by now I can't remember exactly when it last showed its face.

If anyone reading this has had or is still facing similar struggles, I promise you it gets better. You can't see the sunrise at midnight, but that doesn't mean it's not coming.



Bet with Liquidlaser: I say PS5 and Xbox Series will sell more than 56 million combined by the end of 2023.

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All I'm sayin', and this is probably the best advice I can give based on experience; Tattoos cover scars really nicely!

Well done on ten years though, here's to another ten and many more! :D



That last phrase gives me hope that everything will be okay at the end of my own struggle, thank you :)



Well done Curl. Thank you for sharing.



That's amazing!

I had a similar situation in 2017. For my entire life I had anxiety crisis. Getting bullied at school didn't helped either. But 2017 was the year where I finally noticed that I needed help.

It was torture. Every time I looked at a mirror, I would think there was something wrong with me. I don't know how to explain, like I had some kind of disease that was ruining my health, but I was the only one noticing it.

But, after learning more about myself, and seeking medical health, I can say that 2017 was the last year where I had that kind of problem. In the last 3 years, I feel free from that. I know the anxiety or depression will still show itself sometimes, but knowing I can control myself, I feel much better dealing with them.

One thing I learned along the way is that you MUST have friends. Even online friends. Some people that can distract your mind, talk to you, play video games together... It's a precious help.

You will see that nobody has a perfect life. Everyone has or at least had bad moments. But you need to remember that... Well:

curl-6 said:

You can't see the sunrise at midnight, but that doesn't mean it's not coming.

You just said it.

Well, I talk too much when I talk about those things. Hope you're not bored. xD

Let's just enjoy life.



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Very nice!

I am about 6 years free from my own demons. Even with the situation with the world right now, life isn't nearly as bad now as it was then.



The amount of demon-hating in this thread is disturbing. Fuck all angels.



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It's nice to know you are having a better time now, kudos!



So you say, but your taste in videogames could be considered as self-harm.


jk, in all seriousness thats fantastic, kudos to you. Its a hard process and its always reassuring to see someone coping with it nicely. I wish you the best for the coming years.

Last edited by Jpcc86 - on 02 August 2021

Thanks for the kind words guys. 

There was a time I never thought I'd beat this, so being able to say I'm a decade clean is a great feeling, and hopefully and most likely that part of my life is over for good.

Alex_The_Hedgehog said:

One thing I learned along the way is that you MUST have friends. Even online friends. Some people that can distract your mind, talk to you, play video games together... It's a precious help.

Yeah, in my experience the kryptonite of depression and addiction is connection; to others, and to one's self. We're a social species and having a strong support network is like having a seat belt to absorb the impact of traumatic events. This website has been part of mine over the years, so thank you all for being such an awesome community.



Bet with Liquidlaser: I say PS5 and Xbox Series will sell more than 56 million combined by the end of 2023.