Sent both Joy-Cons in last Thursday, got to their shop Monday, got back to me Thursday."
One person, the OP is the one mentioning there's took a week to arrive at the repair center, which.... tbh sounds more like a mail issue that would be completely out of Nintendos hands to do anything about.
Everyone else seems to clock in somewhere around a week.
Unless you have an explanation for your post other than "what you imagine"
Heck even sending back a RRoD'd X360 didn't even take a fortnight to get back to me if I remember from either time I had to deal with it.
I've not had to deal with Nintendo repairs. So, I assume these accounts are accurate. That likely makes Nintendo the fastest major, mail-in, electronics warranty servicer in the history of mankind.