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Forums - General Discussion - What's the point in having children?

HoloDust said:
KiigelHeart said:

Well I asked you and you still didn't give me an answer. 

But since you asked, it's only natural to have children and I wanted to give somebody a chance to experience this life. I was given that chance too. As you know it's lots of commitment and responsibility. You give away much of your time, freedom and money to give them the best upbringing. I'm ready to die for them if needs must. My wife also wanted us to have a family together so I didn't want to take that away from her. 

But I guess if you reach deep enough you find all that comes down to pure indulgence and ego :P

 

edit. do you consider a need or desire to help other people selfish too?

Yes, once we have them, we will do anything for them. But before we have them, that very desire to have them...pure ego and indulgence. You just need to dig deep enough and be honest with yourself to realize it.

So, I did give you an answer, it's maybe not the answer you wanted to hear.

Oh I'm honest with myself alright. Done plenty of things I'd consider selfish too, nothing wrong with that.

Your logic just doesn't make much sense. I even wrote some things that were part of my reasons to have a child but it seems you missed them.

 

Our ego dictates who we are. Even a will to live goes down to ego. But doing something you want isn't always selfish. 

 

No point arguing this any further though. 



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HoloDust said:
KiigelHeart said:

Well I asked you and you still didn't give me an answer. 

But since you asked, it's only natural to have children and I wanted to give somebody a chance to experience this life. I was given that chance too. As you know it's lots of commitment and responsibility. You give away much of your time, freedom and money to give them the best upbringing. I'm ready to die for them if needs must. My wife also wanted us to have a family together so I didn't want to take that away from her. 

But I guess if you reach deep enough you find all that comes down to pure indulgence and ego :P

 

edit. do you consider a need or desire to help other people selfish too?

Yes, once we have them, we will do anything for them. But before we have them, that very desire to have them...pure ego and indulgence. You just need to dig deep enough and be honest with yourself to realize it.

So, I did give you an answer, it's maybe not the answer you wanted to hear.

Is it selfish to make your wife happy? I was pretty indifferent about having kids yet making my wife happy was a priority. I'm very glad we have kids now although I haven't been able to give her the girl she wanted. Life is all about compromises, 2 boys is enough. Yet I guess I'm being selfish too for not wanting to try a third time :p (She's happy with two boys as well, a third would really be a bit much at our age)



KiigelHeart said:
HoloDust said:

Yes, once we have them, we will do anything for them. But before we have them, that very desire to have them...pure ego and indulgence. You just need to dig deep enough and be honest with yourself to realize it.

So, I did give you an answer, it's maybe not the answer you wanted to hear.

Oh I'm honest with myself alright. Done plenty of things I'd consider selfish too, nothing wrong with that.

Your logic just doesn't make much sense. I even wrote some things that were part of my reasons to have a child but it seems you missed them.

 

Our ego dictates who we are. Even a will to live goes down to ego. But doing something you want isn't always selfish. 

 

No point arguing this any further though. 

No, actually I haven't missed your reasons. But, you're right, there's not point in arguing it further - I have a certain way of looking at what makes us tick in this reality, not something I expect for anyone to either understand or agree with.

SvennoJ said:
HoloDust said:

Yes, once we have them, we will do anything for them. But before we have them, that very desire to have them...pure ego and indulgence. You just need to dig deep enough and be honest with yourself to realize it.

So, I did give you an answer, it's maybe not the answer you wanted to hear.

Is it selfish to make your wife happy? I was pretty indifferent about having kids yet making my wife happy was a priority. I'm very glad we have kids now although I haven't been able to give her the girl she wanted. Life is all about compromises, 2 boys is enough. Yet I guess I'm being selfish too for not wanting to try a third time :p (She's happy with two boys as well, a third would really be a bit much at our age)

My wife wanted boys, I wanted at least one girl - she told me "dream on, I'm not giving birth to a girl"...well, I guess she was right.



If I think I have the knowledge and the means to raise a human being capable of contributing to our society's progress, be it trough medicine, science, physics or math, then I should do it.
As a statistics student the theme of overpopulation is dear to my heart and I understand its critical issues, but as a young individual I can't help but be overwhelmed by optimism about the future and the progress of our knowledge, deep inside my brain there's this voice that says "We can't afford to live like this if we're this many, but if we managed properly our resources then we wouldn't have to decrease our population".
I agree that adoption is a noble choice and a valid alternative, but I also understand that certain human beings simply can't form a bond as strong as that of a biological mother to her biological son because of their desires/values. My suggestion is to have children if you feel like it's the right choice, but if you have any, you better do whatever you can to leave them a world as enjoyable if not more than the one you lived in, otherwise you will be the one who put those lives in Hell.



Thank you all, I think I've gotten a better understanding now! This was probably obvious but I mainly made this thread to get a reason for why my parents would deliberately create me only to make my life hell. To better yourself, spread the love, etc. are all nice reasons but I don't think they apply in my case. As some of you said, my parents were probably just going through the motions, doing what society n instinct tells them to do, regardless of whether or not they actually should. Well again fear not, I have the self awareness to know that I have no business having kids.



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One more reason I don't think I have seen yet in this thread, is to give your parents grand children. For most parents that is the greatest reward you can give them for raising you. It will also bring you closer together as a family and meet other parents. It takes a village to raise a child.

Of course if your parents didn't really care about you, you can either break the cycle and do better or find other ways to be happy. Having parents that care are a great help when raising kids, it's a lot harder when you're on your own.

As for worrying about over population, population is actually declining in western countries. Simply having kids a few years later is enough to reduce the population.



SvennoJ said:
HoloDust said:

Yes, once we have them, we will do anything for them. But before we have them, that very desire to have them...pure ego and indulgence. You just need to dig deep enough and be honest with yourself to realize it.

So, I did give you an answer, it's maybe not the answer you wanted to hear.

Is it selfish to make your wife happy? I was pretty indifferent about having kids yet making my wife happy was a priority. I'm very glad we have kids now although I haven't been able to give her the girl she wanted. Life is all about compromises, 2 boys is enough. Yet I guess I'm being selfish too for not wanting to try a third time :p (She's happy with two boys as well, a third would really be a bit much at our age)

Well 2 is enough. But I guess you won't get the very heart breaking challenge of protecting your girl from the world =p

Lonely_Dolphin said:
Thank you all, I think I've gotten a better understanding now! This was probably obvious but I mainly made this thread to get a reason for why my parents would deliberately create me only to make my life hell. To better yourself, spread the love, etc. are all nice reasons but I don't think they apply in my case. As some of you said, my parents were probably just going through the motions, doing what society n instinct tells them to do, regardless of whether or not they actually should. Well again fear not, I have the self awareness to know that I have no business having kids.

I'm sorry to hear it, and it is unusual occurence. But perhaps it's the phase of your life that makes you think that because sometimes we don't understand the love of our parents.

And sure there have people that makes babies just cause or why not.



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Mnementh said:
Attiq said:
Hello. So to have kids we have to have sex. So the real question is what is the purpose of sex. Sex is only and realistically for the reproduction of the species. Some people believe that the purpose of sex is pleasure. This is incorrect. You can many different ways of getting pleasure in your life. You can only truly have kids through sex. Sex is and always has been and always will be for the reproduction of a species. The End.

That is not just as easy as you try to depict it here. Purpose is not there in itself, it needs a subject. Nobody ever decided sex is needed for the reproduction of the species. In the evolution simply the beings that had sex lived on and gave these genes on and those who haven't aren't around anymore. If you say the purpose of sex is to let the species live, it sounds like someone planned or intended it. But as water does not intend to reach the ocean but just follow gravitation, sex developed based on natural laws, not intent or purpose.

Yeast has not the purpose to create alcohol and create pleasure for people who consume it. Still that's what happens. Sex didn't developed because of reproduction of the species, but said reproduction led to the proliferation of sex. Now yeast is used to produce alcohol for pleasure and sex is used for pleasure too. It doesn't matter for that, what the reasons for their development were.

Creation and destruction is basically a universal truth when it comes to living things and even beyond that, since we wouldn't exactly call planets themselves living. A species that doesn't reproduce goes extinct eventually. I don't know of any living creature that doesn't reproduce in some form. Humans have their own version, but our's is designed the way it is, to make the process as pleasurable as possible, so we take part in it more often, which increases the chances of reproduction. Nature is pretty efficient, and wouldn't go to the trouble of making you more sensitive just for the heck of it, especially considering the world itself is not a sensitive place. When your capable of being able to participate in things like video games, theme parks, etc, she has to try and make reproduction more enticing or the longevity of the species is unlikely.

Sex is necessary for reproduction and yeast is necessary to create alcohol. You can use yeast for other things, just like you can use your reproductive organs for other things, but who would prefer that over the pleasure of alcohol and sex if it was an option? Some people have kids, some drink, and some do both.



Here's my opinion. Having children is about a lot of things for me. Some of them selfish, some of them not.

1. Creating a family. Loving and being loved by family members is a huge part of my life.
2. Giving my parents grandchildren and their first grandson.
3. Reliving my childhood through them (Christmas, birthdays, toys, etc.)
4. Maybe having a gaming (board game and video game) buddy or two in a few years.
5. Hopefully raising good people who leave the world a little more positive than when they entered it.

My twin boy and girl are less than 2 months old, so I'm very new to this. But the feeling is incredible so far. The wife and I had a long and difficult time conceiving. We ended up having success with fertility treatment. This is something we've been working on for years and we're pretty ecstatic about it.



I can surely understand why people want to further their bloodline but i hope adopting gets more popular and less complicated but ofcourse controlled in future.