For the past three months I've been letting my older brother kip on my couch because he's some fuckup with bigger problems than me and ended up getting hounded out of his last relationship. I got fed up with his lack of inaction with regards to saving up a deposit / searching for a new flat, but other family told me to grit my teeth until he "sorts himself out" (they don't want him, my family are twats).

I get home one afternoon and I find a fuckin BOTTLE OF PISS shoddily stuffed in the crevice between my lovely dark chocolate leather three seater couch and the wall. It was in an apple juice bottle. I won't detail how I determined that the label on the bottle LIED about the contents. I saw this friggin bottle empty in the kitchen a few times previous and seeing it full of piss made me sick. (I was actually sick)

His excuse? "Driver Tizer". He's a bus driver, and allegedly he doesn't get time to have a burst when he's escorting gimps. Nothing to do with the two crates of bottled lagers he's been working through while trying to hide the crates AND empties from me, or the fact that he couldn't possibly have had a bus driver licence in his early teens when our parents first noticed he had a piss collection fetish.

SO what the hell is all this. Will UK law enforcement let me off if I embed a puke-soaked brick in his skull for being a dirty shitbag?

anything can become a habit i suppose. ive heard of people peeing in bottles to avoid having to get up to go to the bathroom, and then just being too lazy to be bothered to throw it out so they just keep collecting bottles of pee. maybe its that, but its still disgusting and you have every right to kick him out because of it

But that means I'll have to hoard HIS piss in order to do that

What kind of sick woodland creature have you got me down as

EDIT! I could probably save up some puke though, I'll just have to get proper fucking bladdered so I've got enough carrot stew in me guts

All the recipes I've found insist on using bile, so naaaah

Hang on so he is collecting piss to use at a later day? i.e. when the planet runs out of water? or does he pour it on the gimps on his bus tour?

Also the fact that your family said that to you is a fucking joke.

What you should do is take the bottle of piss and make a trail of them all the way to their house so when your brother picks up the final one you can shut the front door on him in that house lol

You're giving his planning skills too much credit; he's just too fucking lazy to drag his carcass off my couch and go to the lovely sparkly toilet that I keep all lovely and sparkly.

Seriously, I have been in some proper shitholes wot made THAT bog from Trainspotting look like a mug you'd have your morning coffee in. I ain't having a jug like that in MY manor. So I can't understand why he wouldn't wanna have a slash in it. I even put a framed photo of Egerton Dock Bridge above the cistern so theres's something to admire, y'kno? Maybe there needs to be a naked laydee. My Brother's REALLY ruined though, so he'd probably only go for a Hong Kong bus.

I don't understand some of your slang. It's a disgusting habit. Kick him out. Don't know why anyone would do that.

This reminds me of that viral thread about the guy who forgot to go out with his pee bottle so he ended up taking a shit in some woman's shower.

Why are people so weird?

No, he needs to kick him the shit out.

Pour it down his throat.