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For the past three months I've been letting my older brother kip on my couch because he's some fuckup with bigger problems than me and ended up getting hounded out of his last relationship. I got fed up with his lack of inaction with regards to saving up a deposit / searching for a new flat, but other family told me to grit my teeth until he "sorts himself out" (they don't want him, my family are twats).

I get home one afternoon and I find a fuckin BOTTLE OF PISS shoddily stuffed in the crevice between my lovely dark chocolate leather three seater couch and the wall. It was in an apple juice bottle. I won't detail how I determined that the label on the bottle LIED about the contents. I saw this friggin bottle empty in the kitchen a few times previous and seeing it full of piss made me sick. (I was actually sick)

His excuse? "Driver Tizer". He's a bus driver, and allegedly he doesn't get time to have a burst when he's escorting gimps. Nothing to do with the two crates of bottled lagers he's been working through while trying to hide the crates AND empties from me, or the fact that he couldn't possibly have had a bus driver licence in his early teens when our parents first noticed he had a piss collection fetish.


SO what the hell is all this. Will UK law enforcement let me off if I embed a puke-soaked brick in his skull for being a dirty shitbag?