A few of my favorites from Oscar Wilde (I love that man almost as much as he loved succulent young men)

All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling.

All that I desire to point out is the general principle that life imitates art far more than art imitates life.

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing.

Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing.

The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame.

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

Some from Ghandi

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

You must be the change you want to see in the world.

What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

I think it would be a good idea.
-when asked what he thought of Western civilization

Groucho Marx

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

and Richard Feynman

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool.

You can know the name of a bird in all the languages of the world, but when you're finished, you'll know absolutely nothing whatever about the bird... So let's look at the bird and see what it's doing -- that's what counts. I learned very early the difference between knowing the name of something and knowing something.

There is no harm in doubt and skepticism, for it is through these that new discoveries are made.

"We will see" a blind said but never saw

:)

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."

"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."

"If you cannot read this, please ask the flight attendant for assistance."

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

Is that Marx?

"Wanna see me run to that mountain and back..(.00002 seconds later)Wanna see me do it again" LOL That cracks me up..

 lol, I love that one too. only the version I heard goes like:

It's better to keep your mouth shut and be though a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. 

here's a really gross one, but I couldn't stop laughing after I read it:

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

My favourite Churchill quote:

"If you are going through hell
just keep on going"

Here's some great ones from Demetri Martin

Saying "I'm sorry" is the same as saying "I apologize," except at a funeral.

A quick way to start a conversation is to say something like “What’s your favorite color?” A quick way to end a conversation is to say something like “What’s your favorite color…person?"

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he’s persuasive.

Employee of the month is a good example of how someone can be a winner and a loser at the same time.

Hiking is just walking where it's ok to pee. Sometimes old people hike by mistake.

"You say I shouldn't judge others, but since when has a lack of judgment ever been a good thing?"

"Women are one of the five greatest things in the universe, but for the life of me, I can't think of what the other four are right now."

"Being realistic is just the pessimist's excuse."

"Fate only exists for two types of people; those who think it holds power of them, and those who think it doesn't exist at all."

"Go ahead and tell me that God is a crutch. You're lame."

"Science teaches us HOW the universe works, but only religion is capable of teaching WHY it works. Neither one can supplant, nor detract from, the other."

"Ignorance, Hypocrisy, and Politics are the only true evils of the human race. Religion, Science, Art, Government, Weapons and Business all are fundamentally good, but all have the ability to be corrupted by the 3 great evils. Good in the world can only be achieved by treating these evils as the diseases they are, attacking them directly and not the host which they have infected."

"I am on the road to perfection, care to join me?"

"It never fails to amuse me how angry Atheists get when you point out that Atheism is still essentially a religion. It strikes me as being similar to how Goths showed their individuality by all wearing the exact same thing as every other Goth."

"I don't care if you're Christian or not, I am, so I'm going to wish you a Merry Christmas. If you don't celebrate Christmas, that doesn't impose my religion on you, but merely my good will. In turn, wish me a Happy Hanuka or whatever it is you DO celebrate and we'll call it even."

"If the best answer was based on popular opinion, then idiot would be the new genius."