Not even half an hour in and we already have one very extreme irony ...

This is your problem then. You are playing a videogame for its story. You can start reading books if you want great stories without any of the gameplay.

SMTIV Apocalypse is pretty good. Standard JRPG story for the most part, but much better than average twists.

Oh come on I'm sorry if there isn't a better crafted jrpg on that console it doesn't deserve all that success.... There is a difference between cliché JRPG and very bad writting so far even when I was watching shitty shonen anime in my teens I would have found fire emblem fates writing to be supper bad.. To have a few cheesy characters and cliché moments is one thing... Having every single lines being written by a 10 year old is an other...
And no I don't want a vita... I've looked and nothing caught my eyes

There are close to a thousand games on 3DS I'm just asking for advice now before doing another bad purchase.... I'll get those Mario and Zelda games but those are a given just like leading franchise on any consoles...

Check out Xenoblae Chronicles and Monster Hunter. Maybe you'll like them. 

And Bravely Second. Cause reasons. 

you did all the damn weapon tutorials in 30 min??? Damn I suck lol

well monster hunter looks cooler but I'm more on FE right now... It just seems a beat grindy for such high ranked game...

People buy Nintendo systems to play Nintendo games. You should have gotten the must-haves - Mario Kart 7, one of the Zeldas, etc. For non-Nintendo licences, I highly recommend Rune Factory 4, Fantasy Life (but skip the dialogue), and the upcoming Picross 3D 2.

Yeah sounds like the vita is the portable for him.  plenty of Japanese support still coming too. 

Should have avoided MH. Listen to the folks that say every alternative to it is better
FE is good tho.

Get Braverly Default. If you don't like that, either, then all hope is lost!