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Forums - General Discussion - Am I broken as a person?

Brutalyst said:
A thought that always comes back to me what would I be/do/feel if I was a potato.

lol this was so freaking funny.

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I think you should think of it like this. Everyone is flawed but if you dwell on the negativity of yourself then everyone else will seem like their lives are going very smoothly which is probably not the case. It sounds like you're too accustomed to losing people that you seem to feel it's a common occurrence. Articulate how you're feeling to the ones closest to you, they probably feel that you're slipping away from them.

And always keep yourself occupied at the moment, any chance to overthink might affect you and if you're out there doing the things you love or trying out new things then maybe it'll break the shackles holding you back in life.

Okay... let me try to say something helpful.

Blocking thoughts is no good. It puts strain on your brain and those thoughts always come back to haunt you. Complete the thought and it will disappear. That doesn't mean follow it through 90% or 95%. Relax in bed and follow it through 100 percent. Keep it in mind as it transforms and at last dissipates. Don't force anything to happen.

If you have memories which are burdening you, let them enter your mind. Focus on them, remember every detail and don't try to escape or explain any of it away. Just let them hit you full force. Any emotions related to those memories, don't block them. But don't speak them or think them out, feel them.

And don't be afraid to feel fear. Don't show ignorance towards fear. We develop through fear, and when we block fear, we stunt our growth. If fear is ignored, it isn't lost, but over time festers into anger and paranoia.

Otherwise, if fear is faced full on, and you don't negate the feelings of fear but allow yourself to feel afraid, you may be able to rid yourself of at least some of the backed up fear and anger you have accumulated, and be able to finally feel genuine emotions towards the world around you.

The rest is up to you. With a psychiatrist you will have someone who will see you through on your way towards better health, and that's always good to have. Going from such a negative state of mind towards something positive is very hard, yet the only way to get better is to let your brain, and anyone willing to help you, work for you. You're schizophrenic, yes, don't lie to yourself about that and don't be afraid of any diagnosis you may get. But you're not broken, you're just jammed up. So have trust in people, in yourself, have faith, try to find reason and patience, and have humor. Godspeed, Brutalyst!

It just means your life is not really integrated with the life of anyone else at the moment, which is fine when you're young: out of your parents' house and independent, but not yet ready (or able, what have you) to get a steady life partner and move in that direction. It's similar to me: there are a lot of people that I care about, but aside from the degree of financial support from my parents that i still rely upon (which isn't all that much in the grand scheme of things. I would just have to switch to taking classes part-time and work full-time, and i'd be able to support myself), there's no-one who, if they died today, would really "change my world" in a fundamental way.

When you're still a child, losing a parent/sibling would be devastating. When you're older, losing your significant other or your child could or will be devastating, but in-between, you're just out for you, and there's nothing really wrong with that.

Similarly i think we all waste some time navel-gazing about what we could have done differently, though that is just that: a waste. The bigger question is "what could i do differently right NOW?" or "what could i do differently in the near future?" If you think you're on a path that'll work out, stick with it, enjoy yourself as much as is practical, and don't spend too much time dwelling on what could have been.

Monster Hunter: pissing me off since 2010.

Mr Khan said:
II would just have to switch to taking classes part-time and work full-time, and i'd be able to support myself)

Part time classes + working full time is very very hard. Do you work part time now? 


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MoHasanie said:
Mr Khan said:
II would just have to switch to taking classes part-time and work full-time, and i'd be able to support myself)

Part time classes + working full time is very very hard. Do you work part time now? 

I'm on full-time classes and part-time work right now, though they only combine to 37-45 hours a week depending on the hours work gives me. Full-time work with part-time classes would be more rigorous, but only slightly given how my grad school works (full-time plus two classes a week would go to 46 hours a week combined).

To support myself completely at the low level i'm currently functioning at, i'd only need to make about $400 a month more than I do right now. It would suck a little more than my life does now, but it would be fully workable.

Monster Hunter: pissing me off since 2010.

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Psychoanalytic Therapy might be able to clear your mind - there's surely some activity in your unconscious that is causing you to feel this way.

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Not been back here for a while, and in most part because I feel ashamed of these's feeling I have. but today I had my first sessions with a psychiatrist. I would love to say 'yay,! I said this and im cured' but im not, I still feel the way I did before. But I did say that to someone else to their face and I did feel something, whether significant or not I dont know, but its atleast a step.

Anyway, I came back to this thread today as I have been watching various videos on youtube to sort of entice a reaction from me, and have been doing so but the reation isnt lasting. I have seen video's of others suffering in the world, and in sme circumstances have tried to help them with a donation or whatever I can. But I still feel detached, like I dont belong here. I want to feel a connection to something because I should, and not because I feel like its what I should.

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