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Forums - General - 50 rules for dads of daughters

I know I made enemies with my last thread, but it was a question that I had to ask for many many reasons.

In order to make amends, let me make you fathers of daughters a gift. Take a moment to read this post, I thi nk you will like it. It will oddly enough help answer most questions in the other thread.

And no, this is not me asking you to be my friend again, it's just something to say "I understand why you were upset" and "Please accept this gift of reconciliation".

~happyD

I was in tears as I read through this list, as I’m sure many grown daughters will be. Mothers – bookmark this list of rules and encourage your daughter’s daddy to read them, memorize them, and put them in to action. And, to all you Dads out there – be sure you pay close attention and heed these wise words.

About Michael Michael Mitchell is an (almost) thirty-something dad who blogs daily tips and life lessons for dads of daughters at lifetoheryears.com. He spends his days practicing the arts of fatherhood and husbandry, while attempting to be a man of God and a professional raiser of philanthropic funds. On the rare occasion he’s not tied up with the aforementioned and other pursuits of awesomeness, he enjoys fighting street gangs for local charities and drinking from a cup that’s half full. Bookmark Life To Her Years, follow Michael on Twitter, and “like” him on Facebook for more “rules”.

1. Love her mom. Treat her mother with respect, honor, and a big heaping spoonful of public displays of affection. When she grows up, the odds are good she’ll fall in love with and marry someone who treats her much like you treated her mother. Good or bad, that’s just the way it is. I’d prefer good.

2. Always be there. Quality time doesn’t happen without quantity time. Hang out together for no other reason than just to be in each other’s presence. Be genuinely interested in the things that interest her. She needs her dad to be involved in her life at every stage. Don’t just sit idly by while she add years to her… add life to her years.

3. Save the day. She’ll grow up looking for a hero. It might as well be you. She’ll need you to come through for her over and over again throughout her life. Rise to the occasion. Red cape and blue tights optional.

4. Savor every moment you have together. Today she’s crawling around the house in diapers, tomorrow you’re handing her the keys to the car, and before you know it, you’re walking her down the aisle. Some day soon, hanging out with her old man won’t be the bees knees anymore. Life happens pretty fast. You better cherish it while you can.

5. Pray for her. Regularly. Passionately. Continually.

6. Buy her a glove and teach her to throw a baseball. Make her proud to throw like a girl… a girl with a wicked slider.

7. She will fight with her mother. Choose sides wisely.

8. Go ahead. Buy her those pearls.

9. Of course you look silly playing peek-a-boo. You should play anyway.

10. Enjoy the wonder of bath time.

11. There will come a day when she asks for a puppy. Don’t over think it. At least one time in her life, just say, “Yes.”

12. It’s never too early to start teaching her about money. She will still probably suck you dry as a teenager… and on her wedding day.

13. Make pancakes in the shape of her age for breakfast on her birthday. In a pinch, donuts with pink sprinkles and a candle will suffice.

14. Buy her a pair of Chucks as soon as she starts walking. She won’t always want to wear matching shoes with her old man.

Photo Credit :: Danielle Rocke Toews

15. Dance with her. Start when she’s a little girl or even when she’s a baby. Don’t wait ‘til her wedding day.

16. Take her fishing. She will probably squirm more than the worm on your hook. That’s OK.

17. Learn to say no. She may pitch a fit today, but someday you’ll both be glad you stuck to your guns.

18. Tell her she’s beautiful. Say it over and over again. Someday an animated movie or “beauty” magazine will try to convince her otherwise.

19. Teach her to change a flat. A tire without air need not be a major panic inducing event in her life. She’ll still call you crying the first time it happens.

20. Take her camping. Immerse her in the great outdoors. Watch her eyes fill with wonder the first time she sees the beauty of wide open spaces. Leave the iPod at home.

21. Let her hold the wheel. She will always remember when daddy let her drive.

22. She’s as smart as any boy. Make sure she knows that.

23. When she learns to give kisses, she will want to plant them all over your face. Encourage this practice.

24. Knowing how to eat sunflower seeds correctly will not help her get into a good college. Teach her anyway.

25. Letting her ride on your shoulders is pure magic. Do it now while you have a strong back and she’s still tiny.

26. It is in her nature to make music. It’s up to you to introduce her to the joy of socks on a wooden floor.

27. If there’s a splash park near your home, take her there often. She will be drawn to the water like a duck to a puddle.

28. She will eagerly await your return home from work in the evenings. Don’t be late.

29. If her mom enrolls her in swim lessons, make sure you get in the pool too. Don’t be intimidated if there are no other dads there. It’s their loss.

30. Never miss her birthday. In ten years she won’t remember the present you gave her. She will remember if you weren’t there.

31. Teach her to roller skate. Watch her confidence soar.

32. Let her roll around in the grass. It’s good for her soul. It’s not bad for yours either.

33. Take her swimsuit shopping. Don’t be afraid to veto some of her choices, but resist the urge to buy her full-body beach pajamas.

34. Somewhere between the time she turns three and her sixth birthday, the odds are good that she will ask you to marry her. Let her down gently.

35. She’ll probably want to crawl in bed with you after a nightmare. This is a good thing.

36. Few things in life are more comforting to a crying little girl than her father’s hand. Never forget this.

37. Introduce her to the swings at your local park. She’ll squeal for you to push her higher and faster. Her definition of “higher and faster” is probably not the same as yours. Keep that in mind.

38. When she’s a bit older, your definition of higher and faster will be a lot closer to hers. When that day comes, go ahead… give it all you’ve got.

39. Holding her upside down by the legs while she giggles and screams uncontrollably is great for your biceps. WARNING: She has no concept of muscle fatigue.

40. She might ask you to buy her a pony on her birthday. Unless you live on a farm, do not buy her a pony on her birthday. It’s OK to rent one though.

41. Take it easy on the presents for her birthday and Christmas. Instead, give her the gift of experiences you can share together.

42. Let her know she can always come home. No matter what.

43. Remember, just like a butterfly, she too will spread her wings and fly some day. Enjoy her caterpillar years.

44. Write her a handwritten letter every year on her birthday. Give them to her when she goes off to college, becomes a mother herself, or when you think she needs them most.

45. Learn to trust her. Gradually give her more freedom as she gets older. She will rise to the expectations you set for her.

46. When in doubt, trust your heart. She already does.

47. When your teenage daughter is upset, learning when to engage and when to back off will add years to YOUR life. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

48. Ice cream covers over a multitude of sins. Know her favorite flavor.

49. This day is coming soon. There’s nothing you can do to be ready for it. The sooner you accept this fact, the easier it will be.

50. Today she’s walking down the driveway to get on the school bus. Tomorrow she’s going off to college. Don’t blink.

Source: http://www.fromdatestodiapers.com/50-rules-for-dads-of-daughters



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kowenicki said:

I cant read this... I will probably cry.

I'm dreading many moments in the future. For instance, how the hell am I supposed to get through the brides father speech bit without breaking down into a blubbering mess?


There is VW polo ad on TV at the moment... gets me every time...

edit... here it is. (Any dad of a daughter viewing this be warned)

I like it.



@Spurge. That's true. It's tough and beautiful at the same time. I can understand you a bit, even if I'm not a dad.

Kowen, this one time I was in a thread talking about purity before marriage. This one poster was boasting about the # of cherries he popped. In contrast, looking at the vid you posted and at the tips in the opening post, we can consider those feelings and tips as good. Good for fathers, good for their daughters, and good for society. When boasting about how many cherries you've popped, relatively speaking, isn't that similarly as revolting as pedophilia, in light of those great things?

The reason I had posted that thread was to challenge for example how some people accept sexual promiscuity, the lust of humans and the objectification of people, the same people will revolt at the sound of pedophilia. I found it very inconsistent if the foundation of morality is human dignity and joy.



kowenicki said:

And I still disagree with you. 

There is no comparison.

but I'm not getting into this again. 

The key was "in light of those great things". Like the one bad is -20, the other bad is -10, and the good is +1000.

But ok, you mentioned you didn't wan to talk about these topics so I respect your need.



happydolphin said:

@Spurge. That's true. It's tough and beautiful at the same time. I can understand you a bit, even if I'm not a dad.

Kowen, this one time I was in a thread talking about purity before marriage. This one poster was boasting about the # of cherries he popped. In contrast, looking at the vid you posted and at the tips in the opening post, we can consider those feelings and tips as good. Good for fathers, good for their daughters, and good for society. When boasting about how many cherries you've popped, relatively speaking, isn't that similarly as revolting as pedophilia, in light of those great things?

The reason I had posted that thread was to challenge for example how some people accept sexual promiscuity, the lust of humans and the objectification of people, the same people will revolt at the sound of pedophilia. I found it very inconsistent if the foundation of morality is human dignity and joy.

I wanted to post in your other thread but didn't so I'll do it here: Sexual abuse is always about power. It's about one person having the choice while the other one has to obey. In the case of children they have no idea what sexuality even is. It literally destroys their world because they do not understand what that grown up person is even doing. Even worse: What hurts most abused children the most is that those grown ups talked them into thinking they "liked" it. Grown up victims of child abuse often say things like "i thought I was in love with that person"- it's the most cruel thing you can do to a person: abusing them for your pleasures when they are still too young to even understand it. Child abuse most commonly happens inside a family structure - children get abused by their parents, uncles, close friends of their parents, etc. And it never, never is consensual. 

Have you ever heard of dissociative amnesia? Dissociation in general? The horror a child has to live through is even more terrible than that of a grown up victim. Children need adults to survive. It's a matter of life and death for them. So they have to dissociate the horrors. Some of them even forget their abuse completely because it's just too much for them to incorporate it into their identity. It's literally their whole world falling apart.

As a general rule: If someone (especially the victim) says a certain case of child abuse was "consensual" it is an extremely severe case. 

So to answer your question: Is it strange people think doing the most horrible thing to a child without them being able to defend themselves is terrible? No, I don't think so. Because the other stuff you listed at least *can* be consensual between two (or more) grown up people. 



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UncleScrooge said:

I wanted to post in your other thread but didn't so I'll do it here: Sexual abuse is always about power. It's about one person having the choice while the other one has to obey. In the case of children they have no idea what sexuality even is. It literally destroys their world because they do not understand what that grown up person is even doing. Even worse: What hurts most abused children the most is that those grown ups talked them into thinking they "liked" it. Grown up victims of child abuse often say things like "i thought I was in love with that person"- it's the most cruel thing you can do to a person: abusing them for your pleasures when they are still too young to even understand it. Child abuse most commonly happens inside a family structure - children get abused by their parents, uncles, close friends of their parents, etc. And it never, never is consensual. 

Have you ever heard of dissociative amnesia? Dissociation in general? The horror a child has to live through is even more terrible than that of a grown up victim. Children need adults to survive. It's a matter of life and death for them. So they have to dissociate the horrors. Some of them even forget their abuse completely because it's just too much for them to incorporate it into their identity. It's literally their whole world falling apart.

As a general rule: If someone (especially the victim) says a certain case of child abuse was "consensual" it is an extremely severe case. 

So to answer your question: Is it strange people think doing the most horrible thing to a child without them being able to defend themselves is terrible? No, I don't think so. Because the other stuff you listed at least *can* be consensual between two (or more) grown up people. 

I understand the gravity it is for a child, but it doesn't remove the fact that it is still true for an adult: "i thought I was in love with that person"

In other words to sleep around, to pretend to be in love to pop a few cherries, or to think that sex is a sport is, in light of OP, similarly bad. Not as bad but similarly.



happydolphin said:
UncleScrooge said:

I wanted to post in your other thread but didn't so I'll do it here: Sexual abuse is always about power. It's about one person having the choice while the other one has to obey. In the case of children they have no idea what sexuality even is. It literally destroys their world because they do not understand what that grown up person is even doing. Even worse: What hurts most abused children the most is that those grown ups talked them into thinking they "liked" it. Grown up victims of child abuse often say things like "i thought I was in love with that person"- it's the most cruel thing you can do to a person: abusing them for your pleasures when they are still too young to even understand it. Child abuse most commonly happens inside a family structure - children get abused by their parents, uncles, close friends of their parents, etc. And it never, never is consensual. 

Have you ever heard of dissociative amnesia? Dissociation in general? The horror a child has to live through is even more terrible than that of a grown up victim. Children need adults to survive. It's a matter of life and death for them. So they have to dissociate the horrors. Some of them even forget their abuse completely because it's just too much for them to incorporate it into their identity. It's literally their whole world falling apart.

As a general rule: If someone (especially the victim) says a certain case of child abuse was "consensual" it is an extremely severe case. 

So to answer your question: Is it strange people think doing the most horrible thing to a child without them being able to defend themselves is terrible? No, I don't think so. Because the other stuff you listed at least *can* be consensual between two (or more) grown up people. 

I understand the gravity it is for a child, but it doesn't remove the fact that it is still true for an adult: "i thought I was in love with that person"

In other words to sleep around, to pretend to be in love to pop a few cherries, or to think that sex is a sport is, in light of OP, similarly bad. Not as bad but similarly.

Pedophilia thread 2.0

I'm out...



LemonSlice said:
happydolphin said:

I understand the gravity it is for a child, but it doesn't remove the fact that it is still true for an adult: "i thought I was in love with that person"

In other words to sleep around, to pretend to be in love to pop a few cherries, or to think that sex is a sport is, in light of OP, similarly bad. Not as bad but similarly.

Pedophilia thread 2.0

I'm out...

Wait, you came in to say that, and leave? You're a wonderful poster.



I don´t have a kid yet (althought I am already 31) but I read and copied the whole thing in handwritting, very good advices.



My grammar errors are justified by the fact that I am a brazilian living in Brazil. I am also very stupid.

Tagged for later. Awesome list. It really made me smile and almost get a little misty eyed, you pervert.