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Forums - General - ‘You’ve made your choice’: Man shares dad’s brutal letter disowning him for being gay

fordy on 09 August 2012
Icy-Zone said:
fordy said:

Did your parents disown you for leaving the Muslim faith? They're upset about my decision, but they've mentioned they're upset out of love for me. 

 

Not to sound like a jerk here, but did you read my post at all?

Did you even read my post at all? For someone trying to build a defense for the father, you seem pretty dismissive towards the whole point of this.


Anyway, you've pretty much proven my point here. Your parents chose the right way, this father chose the wrong way. There are many other ways to persuade one to look to their side of the coin, but here are things we know:

- The son has the right to choose his own beliefs and his own lifestyle, regardless of what his father believes.

- Out of the many ways the father had to react to this, he chose to disown the son.

And by the sound of that letter, his son "came out" to him in the most recent phone call explained in the letter. Why would the son come out to his father and later call for his blessing?

Answer me honestly: what would have been your reaction to leaving the Muslim faith if your parents chose to disown you?



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mysticwolf on 09 August 2012

You guys seriously this is getting out of hand. Everybody is freaking out about this! Stop the arguing!
Friendship is magic!!!



 Been away for a bit, but sneaking back in.

Gaming on: PS4, PC, 3DS. Got a Switch! Mainly to play Smash

S.T.A.G.E. on 09 August 2012
Kasz216 said:

I wouldn't really call that hateful. It seemed really composed, honest, straight forward and with emotion.

If anything, it seemed more like a sad letter then anything.

If anything, it's the responses to it that seem hateful.

It's great to disagree with him... and I do... but really, with responses like most of you have, it might be worth looking into a mirror and wondering who really is hateful.

Such overblown ridiculious anger solves nothing, and only allows such things to continue longer.


1.That letter is on par with the sympathy of a corporate layoff. Business layoff:"Our financial partners said we needed to save money, Sorry we have to lay you off". Christian dad: "God hates you, so I can't see you again". Similar? 

2. There was zero emotion in that letter. It was written quite coldly in a "its not my fault, this is your problem" fashion.



S.T.A.G.E. on 09 August 2012
mysticwolf said:
You guys seriously this is getting out of hand. Everybody is freaking out about this! Stop the arguing!
Friendship is magic!!!


I think the guy who got that letter could use a friend.



fordy on 09 August 2012
happydolphin said:
fordy said:

I've had plenty of gay friends, as well as known some children, who say they've 'felt funny' in the presence of other children of the same gender. These are kids with no knowledge or thought of anything sexual in their entire life, so forgive me when I dismissively shrug off such claims that religion is choice based.  Now I know there's a lot of skeptics to such evidece but hell, we're dealing with religion here, too!

See my above reply to see that this son may have renounced his Christian beliefs by that time. So the question is, what right does a parent have to justify disowning his own flesh and blood on the basis of what the FATHER believes?

It's pretty easy to imagine such a situation. Has your father disowned you? How would you feel if he did?

@bold. Fordy, I'm confused. Do you think that religions is choice-based or are you dismissing that? I was just saying that religion is as much nature and nurture as sexual orientation in my opinion. Some people are pre-disposed to it, some learn it.

 

@2nd para. I read it and Icy's reply. I never assumed in this thread that the son even was religious or christian. So the father chose to disown on his own convictions, that's the train I had taken since OP.

 

@Me. How would I feel? Like shit. Abandonned, like something holding me up was slipped from under my feet. Upset, hurt and a little tormented.

Sorry that was a brain lapse. I meant sexuality being choice-based.

The father obviously made this decision on a religious basis (he did mention God a couple of times in the letter). Now I don't recall any parts about disowning in the bible, but what if he disowned the son for something else, like eating shellfish (yes Laviticus forbids consuming shellfish)? 

A lot of the time, parents who disown their kids do not think of the golden rule, or how they would have felt if their parents had decided to disown them. I've talked to individuals who have suffered such a fate, and just by looking at them, anyone can tell that they are deeply shattered. When somebody who should give unconditional love no longer decides to, how are these individuals supposed to trust anyone in their life anymore?

Some kids have grown up with really shitty lives, and sometimes it cannot be helped, but disownment is at least something that can be avoided if people put some thought into what they're really doing when they decide this...



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happydolphin on 09 August 2012
fordy said:

Sorry that was a brain lapse. I meant sexuality being choice-based.

The father obviously made this decision on a religious basis (he did mention God a couple of times in the letter). Now I don't recall any parts about disowning in the bible, but what if he disowned the son for something else, like eating shellfish (yes Laviticus forbids consuming shellfish)? 

A lot of the time, parents who disown their kids do not think of the golden rule, or how they would have felt if their parents had decided to disown them. I've talked to individuals who have suffered such a fate, and just by looking at them, anyone can tell that they are deeply shattered. When somebody who should give unconditional love no longer decides to, how are these individuals supposed to trust anyone in their life anymore?

Some kids have grown up with really shitty lives, and sometimes it cannot be helped, but disownment is at least something that can be avoided if people put some thought into what they're really doing when they decide this...

Yap, I know. I know what you mean.



Player1x3 on 09 August 2012
Jay520 said:
Player1x3 said:

You know, gay couples are a lot more likely to get AIDS than heterosexuals... just putting that out there :)


Does that make you happy or is it humorous to you? Why include a smiley face?


Nah, i just thought it was an interesting fact to share :)



Player1x3 on 09 August 2012
Cub said:
Jay520 said:
Player1x3 said:
crissindahouse said:
Player1x3 said:
crissindahouse said:
Player1x3 said:
crissindahouse said:
Player1x3 said:
crissindahouse said:
hard to believe how much hate is in some against something to even do this to an own kid.


It wasn't a hateful letter. Some of the responses here definitely are, tho

maybe i understood the text wrong but there is a father who said his son he does never want to see him anymore because he said him that he is gay right? yeah sounds like a nice father too me.

I didn't say he was a good father, but if you hate someone (im using the actual definition of hatred here, not the new left wing definition) you would not wish him a good life and fortune at the end of the letter

i didn't say he hates his son. i said he hates something (the idea of beeing gay) so much that he did that to his son, taking his own son his father for the whole rest of his life.

It still wasn't a hateful letter and he doesn't hate his son. Also, thinking something is wrong doesn't always mean you hate it

why do you repeat the "he doesn't hate his son" point if i explained to you that i did never say this? i know you are always in these threads with something about gay problems beeing the one saying it's not as bad and such things because you are as well not very cool with that idea (i believe you were even banned because of that once or twice, sry if i'm wrong i believe you were the one) and you can think what you want but seriously, i don't believe thinking something is just wrong doesn't let someone say his son he will never let him in his house anymore and he does never want to see him again. and not sure what so bad with the word "hate" to say that he doesn't hate the idea of beeing gay doing that to his son. as example i hate muggy weather but i don't think i have as much problems with that then the father had that his son is gay. so, with my definition of that word, if i hate something like that, he absolutely hates the idea of beein gay because he likes it even less than i like muggy weather^^

and yeah we never know the real story so maybe that was about something totally different and not even about gay...

All i was saying is that there were no hatred in that letter nor towards his son. That's why i quoted. Whether or not he actually hates gays is unknown to us and like you said, it could be something entirely different. His son might have AIDS, for all we know

 

You know, gay couples are a lot more likely to get AIDS than heterosexuals... just putting that out there :)


Does that make you happy or is it humorous to you? Why include a smiley face?


He also thinks that if your son has AIDS you should disown him :)

Where the hell did i say that ?



happydolphin on 09 August 2012
Player1x3 said:
Cub said:
Jay520 said:
Player1x3 said:
crissindahouse said:
Player1x3 said:
crissindahouse said:
Player1x3 said:
crissindahouse said:
Player1x3 said:
crissindahouse said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



He also thinks that if your son has AIDS you should disown him :)

Where the hell did i say that ?

Quote trees plox! :E

Why the heck was all that needed for an asinine joke? Please guys, keep the quote trees max at level 2, max at level 3, unless desperately needed.



Player1x3 on 09 August 2012
fordy said:
Player1x3 said:

You know, gay couples are a lot more likely to get AIDS than heterosexuals... just putting that out there :)


More likely? You have some kind of breakthrough evidence that AIDS can discriminate based on sexuality? 

From what I recall, everyone has as much chance of being infected from a HIV positive partner, regardless of sexual preference.

If you're talking about AIDS spreading more through the gay community, you know what will fix that? Monogamy. So, I take it that you'll be all for gay marriage in order to stop the spread of AIDS?


Gay sex will much more likely get you infested with AIDS than heterosexual sex. Spin that however you want, im not arguing about this anymore