I only read your conclusion for now (I'll read the whole thing later) but damn 1/5 that's rough my good man. I think it was at least a 2.5/5 maybe pushing 3/5. Was better than Dr. No, I'll say that with confidence.

LOL. Amp will love that.

I love reading these reviews :)

This movie was (loosely) based in Moonraker (book) isn't it?

This post about my feelings towards this film could either be really short or really long. I'll just start typing and see how it goes.

This film is dreadful. I wanted to die the day I saw, why wait for another day? Every single thing about it is cringeworthy. The theme song is undoubtedly the worst in the entire history. What the fuck does Madonna think she is doing? Its all over the place, the lyrics make no damn sense, and nothing about it suggests James Bond. Did you see the awful music video for it where she runs around a gadget room like the scene in The Living Daylights? Dreadful.

Halle Berry is also the worst Bond girl in my opinion. She can't act worth a damn. The only good thing she has done is the X Men movies. Jynx couldn't decide if she wanted to be smooth and sexy or cute and clumsy. She has no business trying to emulate Honey Rider (to this date the very best Bond girl).

Who wrote this piece of shit? James Bond surfing, being tortured, going rogue for the bajillionth time. An invisible car? A palace made out of Ice? A laser is space chasing an invisible car through a palace made of ice?

Gustave Graves is just dreadful. Korean guy turned white guy? Was this a reference to Colonel Drax in Moonraker. A German impersonating a Brit is one thing but this is ridiculous. So many bad one liners. Pierce Brosnan looks bored throughout. Who asked for this? No one.

A cool thing to know: This movie sucks ass!

Another cool thing to know: If you watch this movie while listening to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon it still sucks ass!

I award this movie -2 out of 5 points and may Ian Fleming have mercy on everyone involved in its production.

Better than Dr.  No?  Come on man...  Dr. No introduces us to James Bond, the awesome theme song, M, Moneypenny, Felix Leiter, and might have the best theme song in any movie ever.

Besides for that; the story is well written, the acting is fantastic, we have one of the best Bond girls ever, Quarrel is a great side character, and the villain is one of the best in entire series.  I can't think of one thing that Die Another Day does better than Dr. No.  The only thing that Die Another Day has that Dr. No doesn't is more deaths and gadgets. 

Also, Dr.  No has charm, class, sophistication, is gritty at times, displays real humor, and personality.  Die Another Day just feels like a trashy comic book in comparison.  If you don't believe me, take a look at what Signalstar said.  He was much more harsh than me and gave this movie a -2 out of 5.  He's also a "real writer" unlike me.   

I don't know.  I guess that Moon posing as a white guy could kind of be considered similar to the German Drax posing to be English as Signalstar said, but GoldeEye is much closer to Moonraker in it's story.  Die Another Day's story to me is loosely based on the story in the movie Diamonds Are Forever.

Amp, you and Signalstar should do a double feature. You guys have a knack for this sort of thing.

What do you suggest?  Maybe we should watch two crappy drive-in movies and review them back to back?  I'd be up for it.

Do drive-ins still exist? I was thinking more of the two of you writing a review together, or having some kind of joint commentary. Although at this point there are only two Bond reviews left and the films are actually good. Which of course reminds me that Casino Royale is the next review. I'll be interested to see it!