This is a thread where you can tell jokes.   

Please follow the rules:

-  Everything is fair game as long as you don't insult someone's race, religion, sex, or sexual orientation.  Jokes can be made that pertain to these things, but don't be insulting.  I'm sure that everyone is mature enough to understand what I mean.

-  Heckling is allowed, but the heckler has to tell a joke afterwards.  If you dish it out, you have to be able to take it.

-  The punchline cannot be "The Aristocrats!"

-   There is no limit to how long or short the joke is, but be prepared to be heckled if you waste our time.

I shall start with a short and relatively mediocre joke before I go off to work:

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts.  This is going to be one hell of a blowjob.

What occurs when you cross with one of the members from Jersey Shore with comedy? = A terrible situation.

Theres my two cents

NEXT!

Is it ok to stereotype?

I guess so.

I hate how every time I see a thread like this I can't think of even one joke but when I'm off doing my daily business I think of all sorts of jokes.

Oh well I guess I'll just see what other people have going and if I think of anything I will post it.

I'm pretty bad at telling jokes >__>

This is my own joke:


How do painters on Mars defend themselves?

They use MARTIAN ARTS


*rimshot*

hmmmm.

I don't think it's appropriate for me to post here, people in real life are always offended by things I find funny, I've made far more enemies than friends by telling jokes. >_>

A boy runs to his mum:

'Mum, mum, do farts weigh?'

'No, son, farts don't weigh'.

'Then I shat myself'.

A guy who's extremely obese goes to a revolutionary clinic that makes you lose wight really quickly. When he enters the building, the receptionist asks him: 'how much weight would you like to lose, sir?'

'Ten kilos' he answers.

'Go to the second floor, third door on the right'.

The guy goes were indicated and opens the door only to find a hot naked chick, nice ass and firm boobs. The girl says: 'if you catch me, you fuck me!'. The guy starts running after her around the room for an hour like crazy and when he's finished he's lost ten kilos.

Seeing as it was a huge success, he comes back, this time asking for a 20 kilo reduction.

'Third floor, fourth on the right', says the receptionist, and there goes the guy. When he opens the door, a superhot naked chick appears, full lips, prominent ass and big, big boobs. She says: 'if you catch me, you fuck me!', and the guy runs like crazy after her for two hours. After the session, he successfully loses 20 kilos.

The guy's so happy he decides he'll come back for an ever bigger reduction. 30 kilos this time.

'Fifth floor, 1st o the left' says the receptionist, and there he goes. When he opens the door excited, he finds the hottest chick he's seen in his life, perfect figure, tanned, sensual and sexual, everything firm and in its place and covered in oil.

'If you catch me, you fuck me!' she says, and the guy runs like a maniac after her for three full hours, eyes wide open and salivating like crazy. Exhausted, he realises he has lost the 30 kilos.

The guy decides he's so happy with the service that he'll end with his weight problems once and for all with the premium service. He goes to the clinic and asks for a 100 kilo reduction.

'Tenth floor, straight ahead' says the receptionist, and the guy goes there excited.

When he opens the door full of expectation, he finds a naked, two meter tall ugly-as-hell guy, with huge muscles, a huge dick and hairy as a mat. The naked guy says in a deep voice: 'If I catch you, I fuck you!'.

*Racism/prejudice warning*

What do you call an Ethiopian with a pickle on his head? A Quarter Pounder

How many Ethiopians can you fit in a bathtub? Nobody knows, they keep slipping down the drain

What do you call an Ethiopian with a feather up his ass? A Dart

What do you call an Ethiopian with a dog? A Vegetarian

Did you hear about the Ethiopian who fell into the lion pit at the zoo? He ate 3 of them before the zoo officials could pull him out.

What do Ethiopians bring to a funeral? A Knife and fork

What do you call a homosexual in a wheelchair? RollAIDS

How do you starve a black guy? Put his food stamps in his work boots

What's faster than a black guy running with a stolen TV? His brother with the DVD player

What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead black guy? There's skid marks in front of the dog.

Why does Mexico do so bad at the olympics? All the ones that can run, jump and swim are already in America

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Juan *crickets chirping*

What's a Mexican's favourite bookstore? Borders

Why are Mexican's so good at poker? They always have a full house

Did you hear about the 2 car pile-up outside of Home Depot? 25 Mexicans died

What do you call a group of stoned Mexicans? Baked beans

Why are Mexicans bad firemen? They can't tell Jose from Hose B

A Mexican runs into a wall, what hits first? The Lawn Mower


I tried to find some good white man jokes to not seem racist but I can't find any? Are there actually any good white jokes? The only good one I saw was "What do you call 100 white men chasing 1 black guy? The PGA Tour" but that's not really applicable anymore since Woods sucks now.