Right, so I have a bit of a problem, I write scripts for the lulz, I'm currently writing a tv series and I asked a friend to read one of the episodes and after reading it, she took great offense to one of the scenes claiming that NO ONE at least no parent with any level of empathy would react the way the character does in this scene to the death of their child (if it means anything, she's a parent herself and I'm not). So I'm hoping people will at least look at it and give their opinion on whether or not the scene is realistic.

To set the scene, the previous night. Maxi(ne) saw her son being murdered by her ex-husband. After crying all night, she's worn herself out. Lucas is her next door neighbour and friend.

INT. MAXI’S FRONT ROOM. DAY

Maxi is huddled on the couch staring silently into the distance, her eyes are bloated from crying. The front room is noticeably tidier than the last time.

LUCAS

(Softly)

Hey.

MAXI snaps back to reality, looking at Lucas she raises a weak smile.

MAXI

Hi.

LUCAS sits next to her.

LUCAS

How are you holding?

MAXI

Better than I thought I would be for some reason.

LUCAS

Huh?

MAXI

This is gonna sound weird but…for a while…I always wondered how I would react if anything happened to Jack. I always imagined I would cry for the rest of my life or something unable to control myself…after all, he was all I had left. But here I am, I’m trying to force myself to cry some more because that’s what I should be doing…but I can’t…does that…mean I never cared for him?

LUCAS

No.

MAXI

Feels that way…it feels I never cared, I should be crying, unable to function properly but…I’m not feeling anything, does that make me a bad person?

LUCAS

No, It just means you’re strong.

MAXI

(Scoffs)

Strong…yeah…I wasn’t strong when Paul attacked him…I just stood there…it’s like I couldn’t believe what was happening, I couldn’t move, I just stood there and allowed it to happen…

LUCAS

You shouldn’t blame yourself-

MAXI

Oh yeah? Then who should I blame? I promised Jack that I would protect him, no matter what. I wouldn’t allow anything bad to happen to him…I failed Lucas, I failed him.

LUCAS

No you didn’t, Paul did…he failed him as a father, as a Human being. It’s his fault all of this happened, that’s the only reason right now that the cops are out there looking for him, if you want someone to blame, blame him.

MAXI

That’s just it…even though I saw all of it with my own eyes, I can’t force myself blame him.

LUCAS

I-

MAXI

No, hear me out. I know Paul…I’ve known him a lot longer than I would like to, I know what makes him tick, I know how he works and everything he does but that night…there was something different about him-

LUCAS

Don’t-

MAXI

No, listen- last night, that wasn’t Paul.

LUCAS

What do mean that wasn’t him?

MAXI

I’ve had a lot of time to think about it-and the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I mean- yeah it was him- but- it- he…something didn’t seem right…

LUCAS

You’re still in shock, I know it’s hard to believe but the man you saw that night was Paul, he attacked his own son. He knew what he was doing when he did it…that’s why he ran…there’s no other way to look at it.

MAXI

I guess you’re right…

My friend argues that a parent would show more emotion than Maxi shows in this scene, her lack of reaction suggests she never cared for her son so she's in different to the event regardless and I'm arguing because every body reacts to everything differently, there is no textbook way to react to an event no matter how big or small it is as a result it's possible for a person e.g 1 in 6.5billion to react this way not because she doesn't care but because she's too rocked by the event to know how to react.

PLEASE let me know what your opinions on the matter is please.

I think your friend is right. From the looks of things, Maxi is the kind of parent who would cry for days and be mentally scared for the rest of her life.

Maybe if you made it a week later, it would be alright. I doubt she would get over the death of her only child in one night. Probably not even a week, but it's more likely that she'd be able to deal with it without breaking into fits of sobbing.

Thanks dudes for your comments, I guess I'll change it.

Double posting ftw.

This is the worst sitcom ever. (Kidding, kidding.)

To answer your post seriously: Taking this scene in and of itself, Maxi's behavior does seem odd. I could understand if it's a case of being so shocked that she feels nothing, but then why would Maxi show clear, visible evidence of crying? At this point, I'm wondering if Maxi doesn't, in fact, care about Jack; maybe she was crying for Paul.

My tentative verdict is "Plausible, but curious." I'm sure you've fleshed out your characters more in your head. Where is this going? Will this pay off in future revelations? Character development?

Maybe Maxi will turn out to be a deep character; maybe she'll turn out to be an under-written character. I don't know. In any case, I'd like to see where you're going with this.


(On a semi-related note, if you're writing for the lulz, why is this so darned urgent?)

Sounds just like me. Though i agree that the person shows no emotion which is very uncommon in people.

Well to be honest it's not for the lulz, I was planning to submit it to the BBC but since I can't get anyone to help read and critique (the BBC thing is a one shot deal, if they don't like it the first time, the chance is gone for good, you aren't allowed to rewrite and resend.) So because I can't get anyone to give me a 2nd perspective (Ideally I wanted as many as possible to create a census) I've downgraded it to just lulz.
Also, I figured it would get more attention :D But oh well, I'll eventually go back and rewrite that beast.

I told my friend I would get a 3rd p.o.v on it but she didn't trust me so I needed quick response to show I wasn't lying.

You should try submitting it to Lifetime. XD

Does the BBC run a contest or something? I'm not at all familiar with how they operate, but in the U.S. television industry, it's nigh impossible for an unestablished writer to form a brand new TV series.

You could also try TV writing contests like Scriptapalooza. Just make sure they're reputable, and not some fly-by-night scam.

I'm sure you have your own creative vision. Listen to advice, but don't shape your script solely on consensus. Story is king.

Best of luck.

BBC have what they call a "writer's room" (only ones who do it here) where you send them unsolicited works, only catch is it has to be inch perfect and grammar is my biggest folly.
Oh no, I don't plan to base the stuff mainly on concensus, it's just for the 2nd opinion, sure story is king but if I'm doing it wrong casing point, this scene. Then perhaps a multitude of opinions is welcomed because months ago when I first wrote it, the person I asked to read it said they saw nothing wrong with it.