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Locked: What to do when the girl you like just wants to be friends?

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Is Kapi a stupid bear?

Yes, very stupid 14 42.42%
 
A bit stupid 11 33.33%
 
No 8 24.24%
 
Total:33
jason1637 said:
Ganoncrotch said:

Lol you're saying that he has 2 options 1 is to walk away and find someone else, option 2 is to ignore her feelings and stay near her until she changes her mind.

What about the non big bang theory reality of the fact where she says she doesn't wanna date the guy, and then she doesn't ever date the guy because that was what she wants? I genuinely think that trying to stay hanging about as her friend in the hopes that she'll come around and give his dick a sniff to see what it's like isn't a healthy mindset, there's loads of guys around that she's prolly interested in and the OP could easily find a girl who is interested in him, the world is full of people. To lock into your mind for any lenght of time that "she's the one for me" while she's telling you directly to your face that she isn't, is wasted time.

Being friends with her is not ignoring her feelings since she wants to be friends. He can still find someone else while maintaining a friendship with his co worker. I just said that if he stays friends with her there is always a possibility that she could catch feelings too.

For that to happen / be of any use for OP then he would need to remain available on the chances that she changes her mind, unless he is going to get with someone in the mean time and then drop that person when this first girl decides to see what OP has to offer, but yeah in the mean time he is sat blasting rope to her facebook timeline holiday pics from 3 years ago! >.> I hear people do that... honest!



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Move on,its going to be awkward now being with her,nothings gonna fix that

you should have though of this before,never go out with somebody at work or with common friends,cause if it goes bad as it has in your case,you should be ready to lose all your common friends cause its gonna be embarrassing you got rejected



Helping her get a BF
Yikes
Major cuckage going on



 "I think people should define the word crap" - Kirby007

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Ka-pi96 said:
So I hung out with her again tonight... because of course I did. I invited her and she came so... yeah.

Even offered to help her find a boyfriend. I've heard rumours that she likes a guy, one of my friends even, so offered to help. I might be shooting myself in the foot there, but I don't care. I'm finally ok with being around her again and I really do like her and want her to be happy, if that isn't with me then so be it. Plus, if she's with another guy that'll hopefully help me get over her.

You poor soul, please just stop. There is almost certainly nothing but heartache and obsession in your future if you continue like this. I get what you're thinking, I've done similar things in the past, I've watched other guys do the same too and it goes nowhere. You tell yourself you just want her to be happy, because you're a nice guy but the problem is that your happiness is linked to her too strongly. Setting her up with a new boyfriend, one of your friends is such a bad idea, you won't be happy, you'll probably just become jealous. What of your friend too, he probably knows how you feel about her and he's just going to be ok with it? And how did she react to you saying you'd get her together with one of your friends? That probably confused her or are you trying to rewind time and make her forget that you confessed you had feelings for her? If she ends up with your friend anyway, that's one thing and you'll probably not enjoy that, but if you set it all up....

Somewhere deep in your mind, a part of you hopes that by being there for her and helping her with everything, she will see more value in you. You probably don't even realise it properly but a small part of you is trying to hold her close, make yourself there for her and then after a few failed relationships, when you've supported her all this time, she'll realise that you are the man she overlooked for so long. You'll probably read too much into signals and continue to imagine something more coming out of what she will see as just friendship with an inexperienced, confused, but basically nice guy. It's probably best to actively try to do stuff that doesn't involve her and also helps you meet new women. You say you can't avoid her but you actually could, you've already gone through the hard part of confessing your feelings, she'll understand if you continue to be honest and say you think you need to spend less time together. Of course you've confused that message now by pretending everything is cool and you're just super ready to help her be as happy as she can be....you can't get over her by being more involved in her life.

I know you work with her but I think you need to make an effort to avoid seeing her too much, in many work situations this is easy enough to do unless your job literally has you two working together all the time. Outside of work, you should probably avoid asking her to hang out and instead try to do something with other friends or something to meet new people entirely. I'm guessing that you don't find it easy to meet women and the reason you've fallen for a girl at work is because you are put into a situation where you're both together and can start talking to each other. You see each other every day so it gives you more of a chance to develop a friendship which has an inflated sense of meaning since it's rare for you. I'm not trying to insult you, it's just the impression I'm getting and once upon a time I was like this and I've seen with others do it too. If this is the kind of situation you are in then I get why it seems easier to just keep pursuing her, if you feel she's a possibility and they don't come easy for you.

But I have to reiterate, she almost certainly doesn't feel anywhere near the same about you and probably never will. It is hard, but I really think you need to make an effort to find somebody else now, rather than burn years of your life in misery before some outside force separates you (i.e. she changes jobs or moves away) and eventually makes you realise how there was nothing really special between you two.

Basically I think you need to cut your losses and move on, you won't grow until you do. This is something so many people have to deal with and although I really think you should, chances are you won't. Most of us don't because we kid ourselves and only realise in hindsight how wrong we were. I guess in that case, my advice would be to remember that we've all been there and don't feel too bad when it's eventually over and she's out of your life. You can always come talk to us anons on the internet.

Last edited by Landale_Star - on 08 June 2019

Ganoncrotch said:
jason1637 said:

Being friends with her is not ignoring her feelings since she wants to be friends. He can still find someone else while maintaining a friendship with his co worker. I just said that if he stays friends with her there is always a possibility that she could catch feelings too.

For that to happen / be of any use for OP then he would need to remain available on the chances that she changes her mind, unless he is going to get with someone in the mean time and then drop that person when this first girl decides to see what OP has to offer, but yeah in the mean time he is sat blasting rope to her facebook timeline holiday pics from 3 years ago! >.> I hear people do that... honest!

I hear that those people are amateurs who risk accidentally liking that random holiday pic from 3 years ago when instead they could download the images and "console themselves" without alerting her and her friends. Which then leads to "these people" making an impromptu status about how they just changed phones and the Facebook app is all different on this one and you've accidentally liked a bunch of pics that were just thrown up in the timeline....

I mean, I've just heard that happens...I think I'd have a much more convincing lie....



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Landale_Star said:
Ganoncrotch said:

For that to happen / be of any use for OP then he would need to remain available on the chances that she changes her mind, unless he is going to get with someone in the mean time and then drop that person when this first girl decides to see what OP has to offer, but yeah in the mean time he is sat blasting rope to her facebook timeline holiday pics from 3 years ago! >.> I hear people do that... honest!

I hear that those people are amateurs who risk accidentally liking that random holiday pic from 3 years ago when instead they could download the images and "console themselves" without alerting her and her friends. Which then leads to "these people" making an impromptu status about how they just changed phones and the Facebook app is all different on this one and you've accidentally liked a bunch of pics that were just thrown up in the timeline....

I mean, I've just heard that happens...I think I'd have a much more convincing lie....

If you find a good one from a few years ago though.... a like on it will have it show in your activity so you can revisit later easier and it adds a danger element to doing it!

man.... I remember when normal porn worked for me... what is my life?



Fancy hearing me on an amateur podcast with friends gushing over one of my favourite games? https://youtu.be/1I7JfMMxhf8

kirby007 said:
Helping her get a BF
Yikes
Major cuckage going on

Totally agree

couldn’t Believe what I was reading, this guy has major seft steem issues no wonder the girl rejected him, the worst part of it is that most likely no quality women will fall for a guy with such low self worth.

something I forgot to mention is,by agreeing to be just friend you are taken away any responsibility from her in case you end up suffering, which is most likely, so right now she must be feeling happy to have a new friend totally unaware of your real feelings, if things go sour she will just say” but you told me you wanted to be just friends”.

stefan molynuex has some really interesting videos about dating in case anyone is interested.



Kapi, what you really need to do is get laid. Finding someone else to sleep with will help clear your head, so that you can extract yourself from what is clearly a lose-lose situation for you.

Even if it doesn't work, you still got laid. So, this one is a win-win.



gamingsoul said:
kirby007 said:
Helping her get a BF
Yikes
Major cuckage going on

Totally agree

couldn’t Believe what I was reading, this guy has major seft steem issues no wonder the girl rejected him, the worst part of it is that most likely no quality women will fall for a guy with such low self worth.

It's called "not being a fucking dick".



not having a significant other is the best. i'll never understand codependency. especially because we're all just humans, try to build us up into something worth it and we all fall short. live alone, die alone. it's actually incredibly comfortable being alone!