1. I think you're more annoying than Snake612 with all his real talk threads. Stop posting scripts and hype for your review and just make it. If you want to just write a review, then write a review because all I can comment on is just how good of a written one it is (NOTE-- it's bad). In video form that very well could be different, I don't know, I need to see the video.
2. If this is what you're going with you're constantly going to get hammered for being just like the AVGN and all those people that say that are going to be right.  I don't know if you're trying to be *just* like him but you're pulling it off beautifully.

Thanks for letting me know, but this will be spoken, so don't worry about the punctuation. Can you just let me know if the script is good, funny, and makes sense? Also, read the one above your post, because that's the newest one. Let me know if it's better than the old one. The old one, didn't make sense, and was retarded.

I already made the video review, but it sucked ass, so I'm redoing it. It's really getting stressful, and you're not helping. No one, has really been of any help. I already know it sucks, but saying it sucks, doesn't help at all, and saying it's good, also doesn't help. I want to know if it's professionally written, because it's sucking. 

You, know that reading, through it with the co, mmas is infin, itely annoyin, g.

I don't really think it's that great...the formula only works with a video of the game in action, otherwise I don't know what you're even talking about.

Otherwise, I think you've got some Sonic issues to work out... 

Okay, my main complaints are:

1) There are far too many swears. You could also use faux-curses, like grass ramming flint eater.

2) It is far too much of an imitation. If you slap an AVGN logo on it and speak like James, it could pass off for the real thing, and you do not want that to happen. Use originality, as stated in reason 1. I don't know how to create originality, you're the writer.

I'm just fixing the commas in your first paragraph.  Here:

Sonic the Hedgehog sucks.  It sucks beyond imagination.  It sucks so fucking much it would make a black hole explode.  Now you might be wondering: "is it really that bad?"  Well no.  It's fucking worse.  Not only is this pile of hedgehog shit the worst Sonic game ever created, but it's also one of the worst video games I have ever played in my entire life.

 I took it down from 12 commas TO ONE COMMA.  You only need one.  You could use 2 if you use a comma instead of a colon before the "is it really that bad?" part, but I chose a colon.  Ease off the commas.  And either post a review or don't.

Personally, I'm not clicking on any more of these threads.

Okay. I changed it. Better? You don't know how confused I am. I'm blindfolded, and running in circles. The only difference I make, when I change the script, is that I run over different hills, when I run around in circles.

When Pulp Fiction came out there were thousands and thousands of scripts sent to studios that were just poorly disguised copies of that style and they all sucked. They sucked because they weren't written with the writers' true voice and just ended up as a cheap imitation.

Find your own voice and style, youtube is full of shit imitations of Yahtzee and pretty much anything else popular. They just come across as being really unfunny. It's fine to have influences just make sure it's a wide range. Check out Charlie Brookers' Screenwipe on Youtube for a great example of a review show.

As for a critique on your writing style, you ask too many questions. For instance don't ask "What's wrong with this?", tell us what is wrong with it, it's more interesting and informative that way.

And if you want the finished article to be good then write lots of drafts, don't just settle for thinking your first draft is good enough.

Thanks.

I will tell you what is wrong with my script.

It's unbalanced. Dry of humor. Some of the jokes don't make sense. It's way too close to the Angry Video Game Nerd. What else? Oh yeah, it sucks. And I mean, boy, does my script suck. That's not the worst part though. No. The worst part, is when I do the voice acting. Man, oh, man, I either talk too fast, or too slow, and the volume jumps, high, and low. I'd rather listen to Alvin the Chipmunk on crack, than to listen to my voice overs. They're so bad.