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Forums - General Discussion - What's the point in having children?

It’s natural to procreate and have a family. It also gives you a new level of meaning and purpose in your life and someone to teach your morals and values to.

No offense but people with kids don’t really understand. And it’s also fine if those things don’t appeal to you. Some people don’t like pizza.



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SvennoJ said:
CladInShadows said:

Oh man, you're describing my life right now.  I'm 2 months into a boy/girl twin situation.  First time parents.  We named them William and Olivia.  The smile thing, though.  Mine smiled right from the get go, but this is almost always because they have gas, or are passing gas.  You've perfectly described night time feedings.  Baby cries, we wake up, and then we change their diapers and then feed and burp them.  And then comes the complicated dance of trying to get them to sleep and to stay asleep. It's easily the most difficult part of this for me. My wife has caved a couple times and has had one of them sleep in her arms for a while.  This is not a habit we want to continue though.  But I'll be damned if it doesn't work every single time.

And ditto on the video game thing.  I haven't got that part figured out, to be honest. My reading and video game time have taken a serious hit just because I never go more than 3 hours without having to interact or care for at least one of them.

Our youngest had acid reflux for the first 5 years and couldn't sleep well on his back (or rather not flat at all) in the first couple of years. We came up with the solution that I would stay up until 4 or 5 in the morning with him sleeping on my lap in a semi upright position. Then my wife got up and I got some sleep. I've finished many video games with him sleeping on my lap. It was so peaceful I miss it now. Slower games were perfect for that, for example Valkyria Chronicles.

One thing that made things easier in a way is that breast feeding didn't work very well so he was on formula a lot earlier than we wanted to. Which meant I could feed him during the night. I've given up on reading though, can't read while tired.

My little girl has horrible reflux.  She quite often vomits if she's on her back.  Usually comes out her nose and she goes rigid and screams.  I'm told it's usually something that goes away in a few months, but if not, it could be a fairly difficult thing to deal with. I'm seriously considering that video game solution though. I do normally get up at 5:30 or so to get ready for work, so it might be a situation where I get up at 2AM instead and just sit there with her and game.



VAMatt said:
My biggest concern is my own sleep. I'm a very light sleeper, so shifts won't do much to help me I'm afraid. I'll be awake every time any noise happens, unless I go sleep in the basement (which I'll likely have to do from time to time). Once I'm awake, I can't get back to sleep if I've had more than a few hours sleep, and I need complete silence at that.

We've been told repeatedly to try to avoid bottle feeding for as long as possible, so that the baby will not come to prefer bottle to breast. (That's different than what I remember my sister being told just a decade ago with my nieces, but whatevs.) So, if we follow that (it seems that we will try), I think I'll be useless to the baby quite often, but I'll be awake anyway.

On the plus side, I'm used to going multiple consecutive nights with just a few hours sleep. So, that part *may* not be so big of an adjustment for me.

Pumping milk can be an option to allow you to take part in the feeding ritual.



CladInShadows said:

Pumping milk can be an option to allow you to take part in the feeding ritual.

The problem is that babies tend to prefer bottle feeding to breast feeding, as it is easier to get the milk out of the bottle.  So, the currently accepted "best practice" is to try to avoid using a bottle at all for as long as possible, so that they baby gets used to the breast.  The idea being that you can get the baby to be cool with both the breast and the bottle if you get him hooked on the breast first.  If he gets the bottle right away, apparently, he'll be more likely to reject breast feeding altogether.  At least, that's what the experts say.  

Certainly, the baby will be bottle feeding soon enough.  But, at first, theoretically, we'll be doing breast only. And, in that case, I'm of no use for feeding.  I'm skeptical this will actually work though.  So, maybe we'll be on the bottle within a few days anyway.  



CladInShadows said:
SvennoJ said:

Our youngest had acid reflux for the first 5 years and couldn't sleep well on his back (or rather not flat at all) in the first couple of years. We came up with the solution that I would stay up until 4 or 5 in the morning with him sleeping on my lap in a semi upright position. Then my wife got up and I got some sleep. I've finished many video games with him sleeping on my lap. It was so peaceful I miss it now. Slower games were perfect for that, for example Valkyria Chronicles.

One thing that made things easier in a way is that breast feeding didn't work very well so he was on formula a lot earlier than we wanted to. Which meant I could feed him during the night. I've given up on reading though, can't read while tired.

My little girl has horrible reflux.  She quite often vomits if she's on her back.  Usually comes out her nose and she goes rigid and screams.  I'm told it's usually something that goes away in a few months, but if not, it could be a fairly difficult thing to deal with. I'm seriously considering that video game solution though. I do normally get up at 5:30 or so to get ready for work, so it might be a situation where I get up at 2AM instead and just sit there with her and game.

I hope she gets better soon. It can take a long time as it did with our son. Since I'm seeing a chiropractor weekly anyway we got him to go along on a discounted plan for the first 3 years. That helped with his digestive tract. Putting him in bed was not really an option, just screaming in pain and all rigid. It was so bad a lot of his baby teeth rotted from the acid and they had to put him under at the hospital to fix his teeth. He's all better now, still a very picky eater yet doing great otherwise.

Hopefully I haven't turned him into a psychopath after many long nights of Dark Souls with him on my lap :)



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VAMatt said:
CladInShadows said:

Pumping milk can be an option to allow you to take part in the feeding ritual.

The problem is that babies tend to prefer bottle feeding to breast feeding, as it is easier to get the milk out of the bottle.  So, the currently accepted "best practice" is to try to avoid using a bottle at all for as long as possible, so that they baby gets used to the breast.  The idea being that you can get the baby to be cool with both the breast and the bottle if you get him hooked on the breast first.  If he gets the bottle right away, apparently, he'll be more likely to reject breast feeding altogether.  At least, that's what the experts say.  

Certainly, the baby will be bottle feeding soon enough.  But, at first, theoretically, we'll be doing breast only. And, in that case, I'm of no use for feeding.  I'm skeptical this will actually work though.  So, maybe we'll be on the bottle within a few days anyway.  

The experts, yeah. We call them the breast feeding police. First time one of them breast feed warriors came to the house lecturing us on the benefits. That made my wife feel very guilty pushing through worsening Mastitis in both breasts until she couldn't anymore. A miserable mother in pain every time the baby tries to latch on is no good either. Plus he was losing weight, so that settled that.
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20170503-are-there-downsides-to-breast-is-best

A happy mother is a happy baby, works both ways.




SvennoJ said:
CladInShadows said:

My little girl has horrible reflux.  She quite often vomits if she's on her back.  Usually comes out her nose and she goes rigid and screams.  I'm told it's usually something that goes away in a few months, but if not, it could be a fairly difficult thing to deal with. I'm seriously considering that video game solution though. I do normally get up at 5:30 or so to get ready for work, so it might be a situation where I get up at 2AM instead and just sit there with her and game.

I hope she gets better soon. It can take a long time as it did with our son. Since I'm seeing a chiropractor weekly anyway we got him to go along on a discounted plan for the first 3 years. That helped with his digestive tract. Putting him in bed was not really an option, just screaming in pain and all rigid. It was so bad a lot of his baby teeth rotted from the acid and they had to put him under at the hospital to fix his teeth. He's all better now, still a very picky eater yet doing great otherwise.

Hopefully I haven't turned him into a psychopath after many long nights of Dark Souls with him on my lap :)

So would you recommend chiro?  I'm always a little hesitant.



SvennoJ said:
VAMatt said:

The problem is that babies tend to prefer bottle feeding to breast feeding, as it is easier to get the milk out of the bottle.  So, the currently accepted "best practice" is to try to avoid using a bottle at all for as long as possible, so that they baby gets used to the breast.  The idea being that you can get the baby to be cool with both the breast and the bottle if you get him hooked on the breast first.  If he gets the bottle right away, apparently, he'll be more likely to reject breast feeding altogether.  At least, that's what the experts say.  

Certainly, the baby will be bottle feeding soon enough.  But, at first, theoretically, we'll be doing breast only. And, in that case, I'm of no use for feeding.  I'm skeptical this will actually work though.  So, maybe we'll be on the bottle within a few days anyway.  

The experts, yeah. We call them the breast feeding police. First time one of them breast feed warriors came to the house lecturing us on the benefits. That made my wife feel very guilty pushing through worsening Mastitis in both breasts until she couldn't anymore. A miserable mother in pain every time the baby tries to latch on is no good either. Plus he was losing weight, so that settled that.
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20170503-are-there-downsides-to-breast-is-best

A happy mother is a happy baby, works both ways.


Breast feeding is a contentious subject.  My wife felt the pressures of that as well.  She simply does not produce much in the way of milk, though.  So she quickly said fuck that, and we've been on bottle pretty much since the beginning.



CladInShadows said:
SvennoJ said:

I hope she gets better soon. It can take a long time as it did with our son. Since I'm seeing a chiropractor weekly anyway we got him to go along on a discounted plan for the first 3 years. That helped with his digestive tract. Putting him in bed was not really an option, just screaming in pain and all rigid. It was so bad a lot of his baby teeth rotted from the acid and they had to put him under at the hospital to fix his teeth. He's all better now, still a very picky eater yet doing great otherwise.

Hopefully I haven't turned him into a psychopath after many long nights of Dark Souls with him on my lap :)

So would you recommend chiro?  I'm always a little hesitant.

Of course my chiropractor recommends it lol. It helps me tremendously and it seemed to help him as well. We were going weekly, actually he was going twice a week. We were on a family plan and my wife took him on Monday to both get adjusted and I took him on Thursday's.
https://www.livingandloving.co.za/baby-blog/6-chiropractic-benefits-babies
It helps with colic, which he was struggling with.

Last edited by SvennoJ - on 27 December 2018

CladInShadows said:
SvennoJ said:

The experts, yeah. We call them the breast feeding police. First time one of them breast feed warriors came to the house lecturing us on the benefits. That made my wife feel very guilty pushing through worsening Mastitis in both breasts until she couldn't anymore. A miserable mother in pain every time the baby tries to latch on is no good either. Plus he was losing weight, so that settled that.
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20170503-are-there-downsides-to-breast-is-best

A happy mother is a happy baby, works both ways.


Breast feeding is a contentious subject.  My wife felt the pressures of that as well.  She simply does not produce much in the way of milk, though.  So she quickly said fuck that, and we've been on bottle pretty much since the beginning.

Good decision. The horror of pumping for an hour for a little bit of milk, then being so tired and sore from the stitches (c-section) to spill it all on the way to the fridge... That was not a good time. One of the draw backs in having children 'late' in life. We were in out thirties when the first was born.