1) Voicechat in anonymous games. Voicechat is probably single worst advent of online gaming as it singlehandedly allows every dickwad in the entire videogaming world a chance to prove that they are just that. Listening to an 9 year old call me things that would make my great grandmother have a heart attack is not only not my idea of a good game but quite possibly about as far from it as one can get. Making matters worse are the people who feel obligated to whine about their day to day lives and I'm sorry but I didn't just log in to listen to you b*tch but rather to gleefully shoot you in the crotch until you die and rest assured that telling me your life story is great motivation for a desire to shoot you in the crotch.
2) Voice overs. I'm sorry, you're a big tall nasty Lion... thing and you sound like a 12 year old prepubescent boy? No. It doesn't work like that or rather it does because the people who do the VA hiring for video games are the monkies left over from the 100 monkies with 100 typewriters test that couldn't figure out how to type so they do hiring instead. Unfortunately for us we don't have a say so we're stuck with poor voice acting usually with about as much enthusiasm as a dead hamster; that is unless we decided to turn on the other language voice acting pretend to be the smug bastards we are by saying they're actually better than the English ones but really maybe 1 in 100 gamers could probably tell a good Japanese voice over from a bad one and that one gamer is probably Japanese. By the way you're not Japanese. Oh and did I mention that they all take 100 years to listen to? If I wanted to sit and listen to people talk I'd watch a freakin' movie. You know, those things with moving pictures and people talking? When I play a game, I want to play the game. Listening to people talk is not playing the game so I usually wind up reading the text and not listening to the characters which makes it worse knowing that they paid a bunch of monkey assclowns to do the VA hiring instead of putting more time into the actual game.
3) Unskippable cutscenes. Once upon a time we didn't have stupid cutscenes, we had gameplay. You put the game into the console and you played it. Then came the advent of cutscene which was just to show something that the player didn't take part in that enhances the game. Unfortunately most developers have joyfully thrown out the idea of cutscenes enhancing the game in favor of extending their already massive gfx-penises and are now making minimovies within the games. I sometimes wonder if the people who design these cutscenes meant to go into movie making instead of game production but then soon realize that the reason they're in game production is that their stupid cutscenes wouldn't cut it in a B movie and would quickly be panned for the vapid, shallow trash that they really are. And once you establish that cutscenes have begin to suck with great vigor, you realize that they've also become longer. Someone once uttered the phrase "Gee that would have been a swell movie if I hadn't had to push so many buttons" and that phrase wins on pretty much every level because it's true. All of these is made even worse by the fact that the worst games won't let you freakin' skip them! Of course the designers, being so in love with themselves and their creations (also likely hired by the same arsehats that did the VA hiring) could never imagine someone skipping their beloved cutscene. Which, of course, is frustrating enough in itself and then made worse by the fact that you usually can die right after the cutscene and then restart before it meaning you have to watch it all over again. People worry that video games cause violence but anyone that has to sit through the same 5 minute boss intro over and over and over is probably getting ready to shove a rusty spork up someones ass or go play online with voicechat.
4) Graphics. F*ck graphics. Developers were morons back in the stone ages and barely had a clue what to do with 16 bits and 2D graphics. Now they have another D which only serves to mean Dumber as they fumble around like blind person in a chemist lab going from one painful alchemical burn to the next scarring the gaming industry with their ineptitude as they blindly grab onto everything they can find in the hopes of finding their way out of their own retardedness. So now we're stuck with a 3rd dimension that almost no one uses well that everyone wants to play with and retarded jumping puzzles with poor collision detection and design that slowly beat your inner child to death with a plastic spoon. Of course all of this distracts from the almighty ability to make your hero's shirt get wet when he goes swimming which is evidently one of the greatest feats achieved in modern gaming or so the PR people hired by the same dingleberries who did the VA hiring would have you believe. In reality, the only people who really care about over-the-top graphics are the self-absorbed morons who measure their dicks by pixel count and their masculinity with screen resolution as they sit in the closet hugging their platform of choice praying that the gods of "teh gr8 gfx" will bless them with another dose of refried sh*t with HD sprinkles.
I'm actually not really upset, but I haven't written a rant in a long time so I thought it'd be fun to do so. ^_^
