I thought this could be a pretty fun thread if we can keep it semi "pleasant".  I actually just got done dropping the kids off at the pool myself and performed what some might consider weird for my ritual.  You see sometimes I like to take my shirt off while I take a dump.  I know most of you might just say I am copying George from Seinfeld but I have been doing this before I even saw that episode.  I am not sure why but I believe it helps keep my mid section nice and cool so I can relax and ease it on out.

Another weird habit of mine is picking up anything that has writing on it (shampoo bottle, contact solution bottle, etc) and reading it while I am about to unload.  For some reason reading something helps me go easier.

I also wanted to give a warning out their for those that might take too much time because they are playing a handheld, reading, etc while on the pot.  A year ago or so I was playing Advance Wars Days of Ruin a lot while I went to the bathroom.  I ended up staying in there for about 20-30 mins longer usually finishing up a map.  I then would stand up and realize that both my legs went to sleep.  I would then have to lean against the wall and wait for a few mins till they finally woke up..  So be careful next time you take too long preoccupying yourself with something else.

Remember to eat more fruits and veggies for healthier and easier dumpskis!

Anyways, I wanted to know if you had any weird / interesting ritual that helps you fire one out?  Do you have a TV in the bathroom?  Do you do situps/crunches before you go to the restroom?  Do you like to listen to music or sing? 

I don't think this is weird, but I put a little bit of toilet paper on the water to cushion my falling shit so water doesn't splash me. And I listen to a podcast while I do it.

That might come in handy sometimes but you would think it would have to be a stealth shit (one the disappears before you even flush due to it's weight) to be heavy enough to splash.  Always good to be safe though I suppose. 

How about in public bathroom?  I don't use those flimsy cover sheets that they sometimes provide.  I just fold toilet paper on the three sides of the seat.  I hate it when I am about to lose it and have no time for the paper on seat in public restroom.  Then I have to perform a hover dump.

I take my shirt off so I don't sit on it.

Better safe than sorry.

I always take something to read, and if I don't, a shampoo bottle does it. Not really weird but still...

Where's the VGC member who said when he's really constipated he digs the shit out of his butt?

I also bring snacks & beverages if I'm anticipating a lengthy session.

I can't eat or drink anything with that smell in the air.

lol snacking on the pot? 

"I bet I can eat nachos and go to the bathroom at the same time!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nJqQPPUOGs

@ 56 seconds in.

For lenghty sessions I always take my IPad.
When I'm home alone, sometimes I take a lot of time when I take a dump...

I don't think this is wierd, but sometimes I put a pile of toilet paper on the floor and then shit on the floor and wrap up the shit in the toilet paper and then throw the wrapped up shit into the toilet basketball-style; hitting it off the backboard and then going into the net (the toilet bowl).