I'd have a BBQ like that one in the Simpsons.

What if all the beer in the world was destroyed except the brand you hate the most?

I don't enjoy beer =D

What if a super tortoise of epic massive enemy proportions attacked you and it was....fast?

I will grab the nearest children and throw them in it way to slow it down while I run like hell.

what if you misplaced your video camera and accidentally filmed your parents having sex, and they know about it?

I'd tell them 'mea culpa'.

What if men could get pregnant?

i would be more careful who i have sex with.

what if you woke up in the morning and only found 1 bullock in your sack?

Start crying.

What if you got sexually aroused by everything and anything?

be having multiple wanks everyone until it stops.

what if your mates mum starts feeling you up when your mate walks out the room?

i'd tap that ass

wht if a cow took a dump worth $1b

i would take the dump and the cow, sale the dump to someone who wants it for 1b and keep the cow because Mr cow (that's its name now) might do other one.

what if a zombie break out happens?

It would end embarassingly quickly, due to the fact that zombies can only eat their natural predators, are extremely vulnerable to climate, have no healing abilities, and are slow as fuck.

What if David Bowie were a ninja?