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I'm writing a book. Anyone want to read what I have?

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guiduc said:
I'd like to read it, you can send it over! I have a published book among my assets, so I'd be glad to comment on yours.

are you zadie smith in disguise? because i love you!



 

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I see no links.... Not a Zelda joke.



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spurgeonryan said:
I see no links.... Not a Zelda joke.

Updated op with a link.

Yeah, you're right.  Lame zelda joke btw.



just tagging along



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Reading the first page, it feels like anti-Hemingway, lots of nested sentences, dense & grand wording, but little happenings. Don't forget to tell story, lore, characters etc. -- explain or show why there is this grand emotion rather than just declaring it to be there.



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numberwang said:

Reading the first page, it feels like anti-Hemingway, lots of nested sentences, dense & grand wording, but little happenings. Don't forget to tell story, lore, characters etc. -- explain or show why there is this grand emotion rather than just declaring it to be there.

Thanks for the feed back, I'm glad you said something.  Yeah, I would say there is a lot of grand wording and very dense.  As for the story, well it's the first page, story will come and character will follow.  The story will play out, but that's after the first page.  It's just I need to let everyone know that he is all powerful.  I need to have him understood that nothing phases him.  For now, I used the first couple of pages to instill his demigod status.  That will come to play later in the story.  It has everything to do with what he's searching for.



Just reading the first two paragraphs of your explanation of what the book was like was deeply unpleasant. My advice is that your style is incredibly self-indulgent and you're relying on how much you enjoy producing this self-indulgent prose to mask how little actual story, character, setting, or any other actually enjoyable element of good writing your story has. But even you don't enjoy writing this crap TOO much, because by your own admission you are only rarely trying to add anything to your tale. This tells me that your main motivation is being able to tell people you have written a book because you want to seem impressive to them, and you couldn't care less about training yourself to become skilled at the art and craft of writing.



My intuition would be to include some character or world facts or happenings early on that show (don't tell) why the character or the setting is intense instead of just saying that everything is intense. Something tangible has to be there for the reader to grasp.

Reading this I was getting flashbacks from Cowboy Bebop (an older Spike Spiegel) - look how things are introduced, not by stating how Spike is as a character but having if flow naturally from the setting and action.

I haven't read your book but some will stumble at the first page.



I know. If he wants to establish that the main character is so powerful early on, he has to earn it. Telling us how awesome he is in unreadable sentences is just not going to work. Especially for a first page, where people are going to give up if they don't like what they see. Notice he asks for advice, but then argues with anyone who tells him what's not working. He doesn't want advice, he wants adulation: the same way he doesn't want to learn to write well, he wants to be praised for having written a book. There's a million (or more) people like this with half a bad book after seven years of writing and they all want us to tell them their unreadable, convoluted sentences are "special." If he really wanted to write, he'd take my two posts here as the biggest help to his cause anyone has given him, but he'll probably report me instead.



VitroBahllee said:

I know. If he wants to establish that the main character is so powerful early on, he has to earn it. Telling us how awesome he is in unreadable sentences is just not going to work. Especially for a first page, where people are going to give up if they don't like what they see. Notice he asks for advice, but then argues with anyone who tells him what's not working. He doesn't want advice, he wants adulation: the same way he doesn't want to learn to write well, he wants to be praised for having written a book. There's a million (or more) people like this with half a bad book after seven years of writing and they all want us to tell them their unreadable, convoluted sentences are "special." If he really wanted to write, he'd take my two posts here as the biggest help to his cause anyone has given him, but he'll probably report me instead.

You haven't been reported, but don't talk such nonsence. Don't go making assumptions about the OP, if you have something to say then do so in a less hostile way.