I will read it later, but I think you need a lot of citation and quotes. Also remove the xbox fanboy statement. A little bit of bias is unavoidable but telling people that you are biased takes away your credibility.

Did you already send it in?

@soleron, i think ur gonna make him cry :p

I agree w most of ur points, especially the suggestions at the end. But if Pelshy wants to take ur advice he's gonna have to completely rewrite that essay!

But he should keep the part where he explains what RROD is. He says it's an essay, the teacher may have no clue what he is talking about ;)

Berlin wall back?

Thank you for making it possible to post a movie with the hoff..



o btw.. didn't Microsoft spend 1 billion dolllar on the extended warranty??

You know, use paragraphs and I'm sure a lot of people, including me, are going to read it. It's just a bit hard right now... Well, not necessarily hard to read but hard to bring yourself to reading.

Paragraphing and spacing is needed in the op. No way  am I reading that OP in the format it is at the moment. I read Soleron's account and the op  is a fairly biased account on the X360 Vs PS3 scenario. Saying that you are a fan boy is not a good move even though its obvious you sound bias. Deny, deny, deny.

Anyway do some more research on the video game situation take some the advice that has been provided here and re-write that essay and re-post it in another thread and people on here will give you more feedback.

Is this for college? I would fail you for this. Its difficult to read.

Your introduction certainly should be a seperate paragraph. Each section you talk about should be seperated.

Cut out all that stuff about RROD. Say it in one or two sentences and use the enter key sometimes.

What is a power circle?

Otherwise its good, interesting. I wrote an essay about beneficial uses of hemp in high school. My advice, do not write about something that you could be biased about. They don't want opinion, they want facts, objectively explained with citations.

And don't say your a fanboy, he doesn't know what your talkin about.

my eyes. they bleed

There was paragraph spacing in my paper, its just when I copied and pasted it, it was changed in the forum