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Forums - General Discussion - Can you guys tell if my stories sound interesting?

Since my childhood, I love to tell stories. I started by drawing comics at my school notebook. After getting my PC, I began to write them there.

Some times I showed my work to family and friends, and they all loved it. But it's very hard to find someone that wants to actually read them. I love to write, but not having an audience kinda hurts my motivation.

I'm thinking of translating them to english, since I think the audience would expand. I don't know.

I'll show some of my plots here, see if you guys have something to tell about it.

Here are the main synopsis, and the spoilers shows the ending.

The Lost Souls

The policeman Leandro heads to a cave with his partners to find out what happened to three missing kids. They find Larissa, one of them, who joins the group to search for her friends. Halfway through, they learns that a group of terrorists, leaded by Luka, a man with a hatred for the police, are using the cave as a hideout.

Larissa connects both groups when she goes missing, and they are forced to join forces in order to find the kids.

Spoiler!

Leandro and Luke find out that Larissa died at the cave, The one following both groups was her spirit trying to make them work together to rescue her brother and her friend.

Luke hates the police because a corrupt policeman killed his father and was labeled as a hero.

After rescuing the kids, Leandro finds Luke at the graveyard near Larissa's tombstone, and finds out that he had a change of heart and decided to give up on his plan.

Chronos

A young man teacher named Trevor receives a watch from a mysterious girl named Sky. She tells him that the watch can rewind time, and she needs someone to test it. Trevor keeps the watch, and rewinds the time everytime he sees someone dying.

He slowly becomes friends with Sky, until one day, he stops a murdering from happening at his school, by punishing a boy before the event.

Spoiler!

The father of the punished kid tries to kill Trevor, but is stopped by Sky, who gets shot. Since the man only had one bullet, Trevor survives and the police is called. Sky reveals that she is Trevor's daughter, and she went back in time to save him from getting murdered.

Sky dies, and she and the watch disappears from the timeline, so Trevor won't remember what happened. When he comes back home, his wife tells him she's pregnant.

The story ends at Trevor and his wife deciding that the name of the baby girl is going to be "Sky", although he's not sure why he had this idea.

City of Darkness (2016)

In another dimension, a girl named Saki is choosen by the sorceress Serena as her bodyguard along with the mage Reika and the swordfighter Luna. One day, the kingdom is attacked by orcs, and Serena uses a magical rock to transport herself to another world. Saki goes after her, leaving Luna and Reika to defend the castle.

Saki awakens in a dark room at a strange building. She finds out that the place is a town (in our dimension), but there are nobody around, and sometimes she witness strange events and shadows following her. A man named Thomas is also searching for his family, and they decide to team up. Lots of scary events happens as they slowly uncovers the truth about what happened to the town and its residents.

Spoiler!

Turns out that a scientist trying to create a way to cure all diseases released a virus that turned people aggressive. The ghosts that Saki and Thomas see are from those who died in the process. The town had to be evacuated.

Saki finds Serena, but she has fallen to the madness after seeing what happened to the people. Serena tries to kill Thomas, but Saki ends up shooting her before that. After Serena dies, Thomas discovers that his family has evacuated to another house. Saki, after telling Reika and Luna that Serena is dead, decides to not return to her world.

After the ending, there's a scene where Thomas goes back to Saki and invites her to live with his family, since the girl has nowhere to go.



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Really good plot. It sounds like it is very anime inspired from the verbage you used for some of the names.



BiON!@ 

It's all about execution. Great ideas can be boringly told. With the right words, stylistic rhythm, and pacing you could make a story about eating a hamburger fascinating and compelling.  That being said, I'd read your stories if you wanted me to for more detailed feedback. DM if you want.



atomicfear said:

It's all about execution. Great ideas can be boringly told. With the right words, stylistic rhythm, and pacing you could make a story about eating a hamburger fascinating and compelling.  That being said, I'd read your stories if you wanted me to for more detailed feedback. DM if you want.

Thanks, man.

But for now my stories are all in portuguese. I need to translate them.