The blog was started elsewhere. My profile has a link to episode 7. The early episodes (1-6) have been deleted from that site, but i can always e-mail them to you if you want. Just send me a message.

Episode 7 http://n4g.com/user/blogpost/rambi80/527031

Mummelmann said: Some nice puns, I always enjoy those. Good effort, if you polish your style a little bit, this could become something, you do have a talent for writing!

Thanks man! I am VERY new at video editing. I'm not a fan of videos because they take up so much of my time that i would much rather spend writing. . Thanks for the feedback.

This sounds like a script for Mandatory Update.

Rambi80 said: Mummelmann said: Some nice puns, I always enjoy those. Good effort, if you polish your style a little bit, this could become something, you do have a talent for writing! Thanks man! I am VERY new at video editing. I'm not a fan of videos because they take up so much of my time that i would much rather spend writing. . Thanks for the feedback.

The silent Nintendo redirect video you linked kinda hinted at that :D

As for the links to N4g... that is a site I'd rather not go to, even if just for a single page view for their advertising revenue. you could always just ctrl A and Ctrl C your post there and Ctrl V it onto here. Or wait a few days if you were going to make it a regular thing on here. would advise you as a new poster here tho, some of the stuff that is let fly on n4g as fun and sattire could land you with some moderation on here so just make sure you aren't taking too many digs at the one group and people should see the light side of your posts, hopefully.

ganoncrotch said: Rambi80 said: Mummelmann said: Some nice puns, I always enjoy those. Good effort, if you polish your style a little bit, this could become something, you do have a talent for writing! Thanks man! I am VERY new at video editing. I'm not a fan of videos because they take up so much of my time that i would much rather spend writing. . Thanks for the feedback. The silent Nintendo redirect video you linked kinda hinted at that :D As for the links to N4g... that is a site I'd rather not go to, even if just for a single page view for their advertising revenue. you could always just ctrl A and Ctrl C your post there and Ctrl V it onto here. Or wait a few days if you were going to make it a regular thing on here. would advise you as a new poster here tho, some of the stuff that is let fly on n4g as fun and sattire could land you with some moderation on here so just make sure you aren't taking too many digs at the one group and people should see the light side of your posts, hopefully.

Thank you for the advice! The volume on the video is very low. i didn't have the patience to go back and raise the levels.

I will make an archive post for the first few episodes and let you know when they are up.  I just want to see what users think first. I understand your position with N4G though.

I'm gradually adding past episodes here because some people asked

Not Necessarily Necessary News Nor Necessarily
Newsworthy

EPISODE 7

Its too late to make a Star Wars pun now that i'm on EP#7. That's 6 missed opportunities! Oh well, May the 4th be with you.

1) Recently, in an effort to convince gamers that “where there’s smoke, there’s fire”, Microsoft insists that they are working on another “Major Gaming Franchise.”
In what I can only hope is unrelated news, Microsoft recently unearthed old ET game cartridges in New Mexico. No longer content with scraping the bottom of the barrel, MS now seems intent on digging up long-buried trash. If you don’t know what this is all about, the following video sums up everything including the movie, game and controversy.


2) I recently played the world cup edition of FIFA and yet again, EA has disappointed me. Sports games have often failed at simulating many aspects of the beautiful game, including the atmosphere and camaraderie. However, for me, the most glaring omission has to be the failure to bring me the unadulterated joy associated with watching millionaires cry.


3) Micheal Pachter is an industry analyst that provides financial advice for investors. He’s pretty good at that. However, in a futile game of “Career Tetris”, Gametrailers have persisted in trying to fit Pachter into the gaming celebrity landscape with the finesse of a horny monkey on a mixture of meth and steroids (MethroidsTM) . Give it up guys, it’s a poor fit.

He recently went to twitter proclaiming that Gametralers had been sold by their parent company Viacom. Unsurprisingly, he never predicted that. Even more unsurprising was the fact that this information turned out to be incorrect. If ever the phase “Please stick to your day job” ever applied, it would be now.


4) Shedding is a serious problem and has many causes that include disease, stress and allergies. We all hope for a diagnosis soon, because if Naughty Dog keeps shedding employees, “The Last of Us” could very well become the company motto.

5) Best Buy recently announced a promotion that has been well received. They plan to give away $10 gas coupons for those buying copies of Mariokart 8. They plan to continue with this by giving away hair spray coupons with Bayonetta and free Obamacare with Brawl. They had planned to give away bananas with Donkey Kong but the bananas became contaminated due to off-label uses

6) For the upcoming Game of Thrones game, Ty Corey Franck has been assigned by HBO as a story consultant on the project. Recently, many have heavily criticized the series as Right-wing propaganda aimed at creating fear and hostility towards immigrants. The game is rumored to be a mixture of Minecraft and Papers Please Many dismiss this as nonsense stating that the walkers are white and decaying, making the show a racist version of The Walking Dead or a Florida documentary from the future

7)Once again, the games media have decided to highlight their ignorance by printing headlines like "Microsoft will bring the Xbox One to China this September”

You idiots, the headline should read "Microsoft will LEAVE the Xbox One in China starting this September"
8) The new Cortana Service wont speak to anyone under 13. Don't worry kids, that's what the internet was invented for.


9) A lot of talk about sexism in gaming recently because, well, it was a slow news week. However, sexism is in fact a serious problem, and we have decided to put forth the following PSA to educate gamers as to the nuances associated with sexism and gender equality

Not Necessarily Necessary News Nor Necessarily
Newsworthy


EPISODE 6
In the beginning, God created the world in just 6 days.However, he then became bored, so he invented Man to do all the work while he collected all the Ad revenue.

1) I just want to start off by wishing a belated Happy Easter to everyone. For those unfamiliar with the holiday, it is celebrates a landmark protest action by Jesus whose death resulted the first documented “respawn” in history. The fact that the respawn took an entire 3 days caused a public uproar and resulted in the establishment of net neutrality by the Senate much to the dismay of
the Roman Internet Providers. Jesus died for your Net Neutrality. Go tell your Congressman.

2) I regret to inform you though, that not everyone is as eager to celebrate this great sacrifice. The event is hotly disputed by the Church Of Nintendo, who insists that Nintendo invented the respawn and also, Sony stole it from them.

Many dismiss these claims as a desperate cry for attention after recent events have caused a mass exodus. Two years ago, the “Prophet Iwata” descended from the Miiverse unto the Youtubes to reveal the coming of the Nintendo Wii U, boasting that it had a tablet-like gamepad included. However, many have lost faith after realizing that unlike previous tablets, this one contained nothing of value and was extremely expensive.

3) We sought to gain clarification surrounding tablet expenditure, so we went to the man who started it all. The now-bankrupt Moses confirmed that tablets are indeed a costly device and was quoted as saying “Using 2 tablets for 10 commandments was a big mistake, “I should have just re-used some gravestones.” The fact that tablets and gravestones are interchangeable should come as some consolation news to WiiU owners seeing as it’s comparatively being outsold 2:1 by the Dreamcast. Hope you saved one of those coffins Microsoft sent you for your 360. Also please don’t try to use an UDraw tablet as a substitute gravestone, that’s just distasteful. No need for graveside candles, just use some PSmove controllers. Lord knows they don’t have any other uses.

4) Elder Scrolls Online is the latest game published by Bethesda and guess what? There are bugs. No surprises there, but unlike previous games, this bug is actually useful, allowing gamers to duplicate items in the game. Also not surprising is the fact that they were actually quick to release a fix for this bug and now have the audacity to ban players who “exploited” the bug. They were quoted as saying “We have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to abusing exploitable bugs.”

No major gaming sites have pointed this out as BS nor have they asked about Bethesda’s lenient policy on “abusing PLAYERS with game breaking bugs” because that’s not what good MARKETING DEPARTMENTS do.

5) I regret to inform you that this will be my last blog. I have recently been hired as a writer at Naughty D…..never mind, just got fired.

6) Remember that time you got drunk and tried to have sex with that hooker but you just fumbled around without much progress? No? Me Neither. Well, due to some pending legal action, it has become necessary for me to recall a few drunken acts buried deep in my mind. So I went to the only place I knew for cutting edge Psychiatric help. After hearing the details of my “plight”, Shuhei Yoshida eventually stopped vomiting long enough to utter “Release the Kraken!”

This Kraken is no monster. It is actually a simulator designed for immersion therapy so you can connect to your inner drunk and unearth forgotten memories. Upon his command, it was released this week on the PSN under a new name. I tried to ask Shuhei what the new name was but to no avail. It’s very hard to have a conversation while being dragged away by security guards. I decided to share this fact with these guys because I know firsthand how important feedback is to job performance. In return, I learned two things. The first is that Tasers make me all tingly inside and the second was that people don’t like urine-soaked carpets. Give to the universe willingly and it gives back twofold. That’s the lesson here kids.

However, I was still at a loss as to the name of that simulator I so desperately needed. The universe may be generous, but it’s a poor listener. Undeterred, I sought to enter the dreams of Mr. Yoshida. Outside his home, I passed some dude on the lawn whose nametag said Mr Ken Kutaragi. He was surrounded by broken PS3s and claimed to assembling some sort of death ray aimed at Yoshida. “Is that even possible?” I asked. “Teh Cell!” is all he kept muttering. Teh lunatic is more like it.

Fortunately, these Sony guys are pretty lax about security and I got into his house easily. Once in his dreams I learnt that the simulator was Octodad which contained controls to make the most severe drunk seem as coordinated as an Olympic gymnast and will surely help you to recover your most interesting drunken moments.

On my way out I looked for that Kutaragi guy but he was gone. He left for his second job. Deathrays don’t come cheap.

7) Hideo kojima claims to have gotten inspiration recently while at the gym for his next trailer. So look out for lots more cameltoe.


8) SCE Senior Business Development Manager Shahid Ahmad recently appeared on twitter to say that he saw some very exciting things and that “It Was Soooo Good.” Cool story bro, but nobody like a game tease. If I get blue thumbs this week I’m gonna sue this guy.

9) Soul Calibur: Lost Swords is a new free to play game that released this week. Pleased don’t confuse this with Soul Calibur: Crossed Swords which is apparently not a real game but some innuendo that I figured out WAAAY too late. I’m never going to someone’s house for “swordplay” ever again


10) Hmmm, let’s see now…..
*Mario Golf has downloadable holes – TOO EASY
*Ground Zeroes sold 1 million – TOO FACEPALMY
*Gamestop closed 130 stores – JUST RIGHT!!

10) Gamestop has decided to close 130 game stores as a plan to change their focus from games to tech. The move was in response to the recent indie craze which has seriously affected sales.

Playstation 4 has become so indie that Sony has decided to just recycle PS3 games that will be sold
exclusively via thrift stores.

To make things worse, the Xbox one is now so indie that they refuse to sell out and the WiiU is no longer sold in stores and is now only displayed “ironically”

This blog is so indie that it’s actually a nonconformist Youtube video.

I’m so indie I never listened to Arcade Fire. Instead, I set arcades on fire and listened to that!!!


(I have to continue this episode in multiple posts because of the pictures)

6)  (EPISODE 6 CONTINUED)

11) For a long time now, gamers have proclaimed that games are art. To confirm this theory, the gaming media, in its infinite wisdom, went to an old man with no experience or appreciation of gaming to ask his opinion. This old man was a movie critic so it came as quite a shock to these sub-60 nitwits when he spat on gaming, an entertainment medium in direct competition with his own.

In all fairness, who better to judge art than movie and game critics and what better device to describe the power and beauty of art than a numerical scale from 0-100? Genius! We all know where the real talent is in this industry.

But I’m not here because I care about gaming, I’m more interested in saving art art. No one seems to care enough to rank the old masterpieces. How will it survive and stay current? Well no worries, step aside while I show the Great works of art their just appreciation

Mona Lisa - Leonardo Da Vinci – Not enough side boob or underboob – 8/10

 (EPISODE 6 CONTINUED)

Starry Night - Vincent Van Gogh – Low res; Not 1080p – 6/10

Inspiration of St Matthew – Caravaggio – Questionable physics; Uninspiring – 7/10

(EPISODE 6 CONTINUED)

Girl with a Pearl Earring – Bland environments – 6/10

The Jewish Bride – Rembrandt – Original Duke Nukem, A classic – 10/10