5) Sony’s upcoming game The Order: 1886 has been delayed to 2015. Speaking of delayed orders, we took the opportunity to ask about our Last Guardian pre-order and Sony responded “Delivery in 30 years or its free”. Well, ok then. Take your time.

6) Sony says that it will pay for Indie Developers’ booths at Tokyo game show regardless of platform. They were quoted as saying “You can totally come and hang out with us. You don’t HAVE to “put out” (games?) or anything.” Somehow, this pitch seems familiar. I think we should graciously decline this offer, or walk with a lot of cab fare.

7) The dogfighting module for upcoming PC space simulator Star Citizen, called Arena Commander, has been delayed. But everyone seems to be very forgiving and patient. “It’s really not something that bothers me” said one person we interviewed. Yeah, Micheal Vick has much bigger problems right now.

1)     8)  Recent news indicates that Steve Balmer is close to finalizing the purchase of the L.A. Clippers for a cool 2 Billion dollars. That sound you hear is the collective, spontaneous and synchronized orgasmic delight of generations of bullied computer enthusiasts everywhere. Success truly is the greatest revenge. Yes, in a move that is sure to inspire a Revenge of the Nerds sequel, Balmer is set to achieve the dream of getting an NBA ring without breaking a sweat.

 Well, ok so he might sweat but that’s probably a medical thing. You know what I meant.

At first the Clippers were all

But after seeing evidence of Balmer’s notorious enthusiasm, they decided to give it a chance. See for yourself:

All he has to do is change the word “Developers” to “Defense” and he should fit right in at courtside as well.

Also, look out for Balmer on the cover of Sega’s upcoming Basketball Manager title. They went with this as the cover.

Classy

9) Someone combined Oculus Rift, Kinect, Wii Balance Board combined to simulate a hoverboard. Not to be outdone, Sony combined Morpheus, a cash register and the vita to simulate sales.

10)According to Strauss Zelnick, CEO of Grand Theft Auto parent company Take-Two Interactive Occulus Rift is “an anti-social technology”. This is in contrast with what Take Two envision which is more of a “Psychotic-Social” vibe.

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Breaking News: Donald Sterling is suing the NBA for more than $1 billion in damages after being forced to sell the Clippers. He bought the team for 12 million dollars snd is being forced to sell it for 2 Billion. The deal puts him so far in the black that he is now recognized as a Nigerian prince. He's not happy. He wants the money as part of his plan to buy part of Nigeria and move it to Iceland.

Glen Beck spoke out against Watchdogs for promoting "Hacking" but later recanted his statements after realizing that it was not training material for people hoping to take his job.

For their upcoming game Driveclub, Evolution has pulled star data from NASA in order to exactly reproduce worldwide constellation patterns  and weather in-game. Next up is using NSA data to make a music playlist for you to listen to during the game. Have fun trying to explain all that Justin Beiber music. You know who you are.

Scientists have finally been able to use a 3D printer to replicate 3D blood vessels, which means that i finally get to post a dick pic on this site without getting banned. Check it oput.

Erm...it was really cold in those labs! Okay?

3) Gamestop recently raised $300, 000 for the make a wish foundation. However, there were conditions to this generosity - there's always a catch with Gamestop. Apparently, in exchange for the sum, the foundation was asked to no longer bring children to the stores with the hope of "Seeing it burned to the ground."

4) Iwata will not be attending E3, allegedly under advice of his physician.Inspired by this, I attempted the same thing  at my job but my doctor insisted that there was no such thing as Mariokartitis. What a quack.

5) Gamers have reportedly watched 2.4 billion hours of e-sports last year. This is great news for the games industry, but comes at the expense of more traditional forms of entertainment. Traditions are very important and every effort must be made to preserve them, so that they can be passed on to your children and your children's children. So please, i urge you that upon reading this sentence, you commit to a daily regimen of at least 1hr of porn.

6) Tetris turned 30 today, but celebrations were bittersweet. Why? Well, i think the following diagram sums it up adequately.

Time isn't kind to anyone apparently.

In her latest video, Anita Sarkeesian claims that women are simply used as background decoration in videogames. This is particularly troubling for her personally since Halloween only happens once a year. She has had to resort to making these extremist videos to supplement her income. Its a tough economy indeed.

It was revealed this week that PEWDIEPIE (aka the male Britney Spears) takes home about 4 million each year. This makes him one the highest paid persons in the game industry despite doing practically nothing of real value. Based on this impressive achievement, we can look out for CEO Pewdiepie, coming soon to a company near you (hopefully EA). On a totally related note, feel free to ask me about free anti-depressant samples.

Ubisoft recently commented on their upcoming game Assassin's Creed Unity saying that we can expect their version of Paris to be an even bigger world that Black Flag. They have adopted a "more is more" philosophy for open world games and have gone so far as saying "Bigger is Better." Unfortunately...... that's what she said. I for one think that this is a brilliant strategy and i can't wait for the mission where i run around to collect 1000 baguettes to feed the starving French people.

Phil fish emreged from hibernation this week to accuse youtube uploaders of being pirates and further explained that they were stealing from developers. It was pointed out to him that all he had to do was flag the content if he disapproved, which is what Nintendo did. Spooked by the shadow cast by his colossal display of stupidity, he promptly deleted his accounts and returned to hibernation. I guess this means we can expect 6 more weeks of "Who won E3 articles"