Private Thread - Nothing to see here

[Rambi80]

I'm gradually adding past episodes here because some people asked

Not Necessarily Necessary News Nor Necessarily
Newsworthy

EPISODE 7

Its too late to make a Star Wars pun now that i'm on EP#7. That's 6 missed opportunities! Oh well, May the 4th be with you.

1) Recently, in an effort to convince gamers that “where there’s smoke, there’s fire”, Microsoft insists that they are working on another “Major Gaming Franchise.”
In what I can only hope is unrelated news, Microsoft recently unearthed old ET game cartridges in New Mexico. No longer content with scraping the bottom of the barrel, MS now seems intent on digging up long-buried trash. If you don’t know what this is all about, the following video sums up everything including the movie, game and controversy.


2) I recently played the world cup edition of FIFA and yet again, EA has disappointed me. Sports games have often failed at simulating many aspects of the beautiful game, including the atmosphere and camaraderie. However, for me, the most glaring omission has to be the failure to bring me the unadulterated joy associated with watching millionaires cry.


3) Micheal Pachter is an industry analyst that provides financial advice for investors. He’s pretty good at that. However, in a futile game of “Career Tetris”, Gametrailers have persisted in trying to fit Pachter into the gaming celebrity landscape with the finesse of a horny monkey on a mixture of meth and steroids (MethroidsTM) . Give it up guys, it’s a poor fit.

He recently went to twitter proclaiming that Gametralers had been sold by their parent company Viacom. Unsurprisingly, he never predicted that. Even more unsurprising was the fact that this information turned out to be incorrect. If ever the phase “Please stick to your day job” ever applied, it would be now.


4) Shedding is a serious problem and has many causes that include disease, stress and allergies. We all hope for a diagnosis soon, because if Naughty Dog keeps shedding employees, “The Last of Us” could very well become the company motto.

5) Best Buy recently announced a promotion that has been well received. They plan to give away $10 gas coupons for those buying copies of Mariokart 8. They plan to continue with this by giving away hair spray coupons with Bayonetta and free Obamacare with Brawl. They had planned to give away bananas with Donkey Kong but the bananas became contaminated due to off-label uses

6) For the upcoming Game of Thrones game, Ty Corey Franck has been assigned by HBO as a story consultant on the project. Recently, many have heavily criticized the series as Right-wing propaganda aimed at creating fear and hostility towards immigrants. The game is rumored to be a mixture of Minecraft and Papers Please Many dismiss this as nonsense stating that the walkers are white and decaying, making the show a racist version of The Walking Dead or a Florida documentary from the future

7)Once again, the games media have decided to highlight their ignorance by printing headlines like "Microsoft will bring the Xbox One to China this September”

You idiots, the headline should read "Microsoft will LEAVE the Xbox One in China starting this September"
8) The new Cortana Service wont speak to anyone under 13. Don't worry kids, that's what the internet was invented for.


9) A lot of talk about sexism in gaming recently because, well, it was a slow news week. However, sexism is in fact a serious problem, and we have decided to put forth the following PSA to educate gamers as to the nuances associated with sexism and gender equality