Just so people know, this, the Capcom thread, and the Take-Two thread were all locked on NeoGAF. Don't take the trolling too far, or it might get locked here too.

OT:
1. Move Miyamoto out of EAD, and into his own department, he is overshadowing younger developers.
2. Strengthen relationships with western third parties.
3. Buy Atlus, Next Level Games, and High Voltage (ask me why High Voltage)
4. Give Retro free reign to work on whatever they want next. It can be anything as long as it's a new mature IP :P.
5. Start a studio from scratch in the United States so they can attract western talent.

To be honest, my point was really to say that a Nintendo fan wouldn't want Nintendo to quit the hardware business and go 3rd party.  Only a former Nintendo fan would (and if you aren't a fan of Nintendo at all, you would either be apathetic or want Nintendo destroyed).  The reason this holds true is because of the fact that a current Nintendo fan wouldn't think that Nintendo's current ways warrant quitting most of the business and forfeiting a bit of control of their games.

So it honestly isn't a conspiracy, and I'm not saying he can't post here.  I just pointed out that saying to quit the Wii U and going 3rd party as your first choice as being in charge of Nintendo wouldn't be in a Nintendo fan's interest.

Phase out the 8 GB wii-u and bring in a 250 gb model for $299

Stealing my first one from LastStarFighter


-Launch a new marketing campaign. It would make the Wii U seem magical, like the ads for iPad. This would target women and mature adults especially, and feature clips of games and apps like the NL Ninja Star game, Game and Wario stuff, Karaoke, Wii Party U, video chat and so on. Unlike previous adds these would be cool, classy and dubstep-free. I would also have some focused COD-based ads targeting teen/20's males and Mario/ZeldaWW ads for kids. Make everyone want this thing. I would also promote "free on-line matchmaking forever". Especially to the COD crowd.

And then...
-Buyout Next Level Games, expand their capacity. Also expand Nintendo Software Technology like Retro has been beefed up. Buy a European studio.
-Create a subset of Nintendo EAD dedicated to making games on a shoestring budget, some digital, some retail. A focus on pure gameplay mechanics. Rotate staff into the "shoestring budget" division as needed, so everyone is forced to make a small, gameplay focused game every now and again.
-Finish what has already been started, the expansion of Nintendo EAD.
-Try to get western third parties interested in developing for 3DS again. Wii U is going to be out in the cold when it comes to 3rd party development, but 3DS is strong, and a drive to making cross-plat 3DS/Wii U games could be the best way to swing more third Japanese third party support for Wii U and more western 3rd party support for 3DS.
-Hire one PR person whose sole job it is to troll EA.

Start by establishing a long term strategy for Wii U -


- Start working on a redesign for the system - More economical, drastically change its appearance.
- Cut price to $250 and bundle it with Mario Kart 8 or Super Mario (worked with 3DS).
- Relaunch the console as Wii 2.
- Expand development teams to work on Wii U titles as well as 3DS ones.
- Negotiate with third party to ensure big titles like GTA reach the Wii U.
- Hire new advertising teams to market the console.
- Get Retro working on Metroid asap.
- Try and get Platinum Games on Star Fox.
- Negotiate a deal with PG to secure a few more titles for the Wii U.
- Ensure SEGA has a healthy relationship with Nintendo.
- Start working on the spiritual successor to Super Mario Galaxy - Super Mario Universe (EAD).
- Expand EAD and get the team/s working on a fresh new IPs. Third person action game, FPS.. anything, other than platformers.
- Get the OS in tip top condition as well as the Eshop.
- Rework the current online infrastructure, so its not so "Nintendo".
- Completely change Club Nintendo account system - unified accounts where purchases are not tied to the console but your own account.

Edit: Oh and the obligatory Pokemon MMO. Seriously.. why hasn't this been done yet?

A European studio is sorely lacking.  A great project would be to form one with some former Rare Devs.

Drop the name "Wii U" and relaunch this fall as "Wii 2" followed by a mass marketing campaign. Take a temporary hit in revenue and drop the console to $279.99 and bundle NSMBU with it.

Alright alright, I'll give you all of that. Nintendo just has to promise to never make a Wii Music sequel.

I also want a photo of Iwata only wearing vitality sensors. 

1. New Wii U ad campaign, featuring the Wii U operating in conjunction with other TV accessories (like a Blu-Ray player or just a smart TV) to demonstrate how the gamepad means the Wii U doesn't compete for television space the same way other consoles do. It just takes advantage of it when it can.
2. Rent Wii games for the Wii U. Add a paid subscription to Nintendo's network that allows you access to some cloud storage and rent one Wii game for one week. Xenoblade Chronicles could be a big system seller like this.
3. Majora's Mask Wii U. If I had my way, it would have been this and not Wind Waker HD, but I'd settle for pushing this out the door shortly afterward. It would basically be a quick and dirty demo for no more than $15, and if fans loved it I'd remake the whole game. It would be much darker than Zelda previously has been, and would have gameplay featuring the gamepad HEAVILY.
4. Buy stuff. And not just the obvious "Atlus." Nintendo desperately needs some adult IP's and this is one of the few things I don't think Nintendo can do on it's own. I doubt Microsoft or Sony will be willing to part with Perfect Dark or Legend of Dragoon to NINTENDO, but S-E might be willing to part with Parasite Eve or Capcom with Dino Crisis. I'm sure there are a ton of others, too.
5. Reboot Metroid taking inspiration from the new Tomb Raider.
6. Make Nintendo famous for clean but dark and complex content. Think Batman: TAS.  Nintendo's major franchises (especially Zelda) need to be clean enough for kids, but their basic audience needs to be adults. You can get adults to play your stuff without sex or gore, but you have to do it by being subtle.
7. Move toward making Monolith Nintendo's major brand house. Atlus, too, if they buy it. When people think Nintendo, they think Mario and Mario Kart. If you want to capture an adult audience, though, you really want them to be thinking Xenoblade Chronicles. You shouldn't stop making Mario, but the focus needs to shift. Mario isn't a great system seller with the older crowd.

They did, and nearly everybody hated it.