Forums - General Discussion - I beat up my step dad. Was I wrong in doing so? (Long read)

Euphoria14 said:
I too would like to know exactly what he said that was "harassment".

The fact the OP keeps dodging that questions leads me to believe that it wasn't harassment, it was criticism and judging by the way the OP presents himself, well, he wouldn't take kindly to criticism.

It's personal. He said many different things. It was no one thing. He would routinely to tell me to go fuck myself and the day it happened was signing "You can go fuck yourself, fuck yourself, fuck yourself" He didnt say me by name (never did) but it was always directed at me. Many other things. Routine insults. Even bashing things I watched on Netflix for literally zero reason other to insult me except it wasn't very insulting since for some reason he only considers Terminator 2 decent. As well as being very very very annoying on purpose.

When most of the time you can't even focus on your school work or even enjoy a game or movie because he is bitching about something you would lose it too. I heard him constantly he never shut up and in general that's him but lately as well as times in the past he said shit just to harass me, annoy me and irriate me. It's what he does. 



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Aielyn said:
I feel I need to make some comments, here.

Horrorfest, you were wrong. No matter how much he might have called you names or otherwise verbally harassed you, it's no justification for getting violent. But that's not the real issue, here.

As others have already pointed out, your own story has you refusing to do anything around the house unless you're directly compensated. It has you turning to your mother when your problem is with your stepfather, which can only cause friction in their relationship (which you claim to not want to have turn sour because of you).

You complain about him not living up to his word. And yet, he did take you driving, and he *was* offering it with nothing in return. Meanwhile, have you ever offered him any help? Have you ever heard him doing some yard work, or some cleaning around the house, or anything like that, and gone to check if there was anything you could do to help (even if it was just offering to get him a drink)? Based on your story, I get the sense that you didn't - after all, you get nothing from it.

You spent quite a bit of time in your story invoking your "problems". Your "bad sleeping problems" results in you not waking up until early afternoon - so when one of them offers you driving lessons in the morning, you refuse because it doesn't suit you. And then you complain about them not offering driving lessons. As you've said, your stepfather offered to sell the car to you before he sold it to anybody else - you turned him down. Why should he then feel obligated to keep you apprised of his effort to sell the car to other people? It's not like he promised you the car and then went behind your back to sell it to somebody else.

Your acne situation was invoked to justify a "really bad life". I'm sorry, but are you kidding? There are people out there who were constantly bullied, people who were ostracised from even their own family for being gay, people who grow up in families that can't even afford more than one small meal a day, if that. There are people who grew up on the streets, people who grew up with major handicaps, people who grew up without any family at all. Now, I'm not diminishing your depression - that's entirely valid, and I recognise that nobody can challenge you over that... but it was only depression - that is, the rest of your life sounded pretty solid, to me. You don't get to use acne-invoked depression as a justification for the build up resulting in you violently beating up a guy for calling you names.

As such, I have a few suggestions for you:

1. Learn to let out your anger - don't keep it bottled up. If you're upset with your stepfather, approach him and let him know, feeling the anger but remaining calm about it. If he calls out your manhood or otherwise verbally harasses you, simply respond by pointing out the absurdity of making such claims, and then asking why he feels it necessary to demean you. Feel the anger, but don't let it control you.

2. Much more importantly than 1, start to help out more around the house. Don't ask for anything in return - they are already providing you with food and shelter, and probably a lot of other things (you're on here, I'm betting you have pretty much free access to internet, for instance). If one of them is in the middle of doing something that takes some effort, make sure you go and offer your assistance, either in terms of direct help or indirectly through support (like getting drinks, fetching tools, etc). Every once in a while, ask them if there's anything they need done.

After a while, you'll discover that they'll start making offers to help you, too. They'll offer to adjust their schedules to make sure you get a driving lesson in. And they'll actually fulfil their promises in that regard.

3. Start taking more interest in your mother's and stepfather's lives. You complained about not knowing that they were selling the car until they'd already sold it - if you'd taken an interest, you'd probably have learned about the decision around the same time that they offered to sell it to you - heck, they may have even asked if you had any ideas for alternative solutions to the money situation that resulted in them selling the car.

4. Quite simply, "man up". Stop blaming other things for the situation you find yourself in. Neither your mother nor your stepfather have the time to take you for a driving lesson? Well, how much does a professional driving lesson cost in your area? Can you get a part-time job and earn the money necessary to pay for an hour of it every couple of weeks, perhaps?

Being a man has nothing to do with getting physically violent and beating up other people. It has to do with taking responsibility for your own situation, and being respectful and helpful to others (especially family). Being a woman, by the way, is about exactly the same thing. Turning to violence is adolescent and childish - and the fact that you walked away first doesn't diminish that.

 


This dude sounds like a spoiled brat. Soon as he doesnt get his way he pouts. I bet you his stepfather or whatever is bitching because this 20yr old kid is acting and being treated like he is 12. Stop saying what you tried to do. All you had to do was keep walking. Beating him up didn't make you any better than him. You have so many problems that you should leave.

Damnit youre 20 stop acting like someone owes you something. You sound like you are spoiled rotten. Won't do anything unless you're compensated lol. Did you give him gas money each time you drove?hims vehicle? I seriously couldn't believe some are taking up for him. 



TheSting said:

Aielyn said:
I feel I need to make some comments, here.

Horrorfest, you were wrong. No matter how much he might have called you names or otherwise verbally harassed you, it's no justification for getting violent. But that's not the real issue, here.

As others have already pointed out, your own story has you refusing to do anything around the house unless you're directly compensated. It has you turning to your mother when your problem is with your stepfather, which can only cause friction in their relationship (which you claim to not want to have turn sour because of you).

You complain about him not living up to his word. And yet, he did take you driving, and he *was* offering it with nothing in return. Meanwhile, have you ever offered him any help? Have you ever heard him doing some yard work, or some cleaning around the house, or anything like that, and gone to check if there was anything you could do to help (even if it was just offering to get him a drink)? Based on your story, I get the sense that you didn't - after all, you get nothing from it.

You spent quite a bit of time in your story invoking your "problems". Your "bad sleeping problems" results in you not waking up until early afternoon - so when one of them offers you driving lessons in the morning, you refuse because it doesn't suit you. And then you complain about them not offering driving lessons. As you've said, your stepfather offered to sell the car to you before he sold it to anybody else - you turned him down. Why should he then feel obligated to keep you apprised of his effort to sell the car to other people? It's not like he promised you the car and then went behind your back to sell it to somebody else.

Your acne situation was invoked to justify a "really bad life". I'm sorry, but are you kidding? There are people out there who were constantly bullied, people who were ostracised from even their own family for being gay, people who grow up in families that can't even afford more than one small meal a day, if that. There are people who grew up on the streets, people who grew up with major handicaps, people who grew up without any family at all. Now, I'm not diminishing your depression - that's entirely valid, and I recognise that nobody can challenge you over that... but it was only depression - that is, the rest of your life sounded pretty solid, to me. You don't get to use acne-invoked depression as a justification for the build up resulting in you violently beating up a guy for calling you names.

As such, I have a few suggestions for you:

1. Learn to let out your anger - don't keep it bottled up. If you're upset with your stepfather, approach him and let him know, feeling the anger but remaining calm about it. If he calls out your manhood or otherwise verbally harasses you, simply respond by pointing out the absurdity of making such claims, and then asking why he feels it necessary to demean you. Feel the anger, but don't let it control you.

2. Much more importantly than 1, start to help out more around the house. Don't ask for anything in return - they are already providing you with food and shelter, and probably a lot of other things (you're on here, I'm betting you have pretty much free access to internet, for instance). If one of them is in the middle of doing something that takes some effort, make sure you go and offer your assistance, either in terms of direct help or indirectly through support (like getting drinks, fetching tools, etc). Every once in a while, ask them if there's anything they need done.

After a while, you'll discover that they'll start making offers to help you, too. They'll offer to adjust their schedules to make sure you get a driving lesson in. And they'll actually fulfil their promises in that regard.

3. Start taking more interest in your mother's and stepfather's lives. You complained about not knowing that they were selling the car until they'd already sold it - if you'd taken an interest, you'd probably have learned about the decision around the same time that they offered to sell it to you - heck, they may have even asked if you had any ideas for alternative solutions to the money situation that resulted in them selling the car.

4. Quite simply, "man up". Stop blaming other things for the situation you find yourself in. Neither your mother nor your stepfather have the time to take you for a driving lesson? Well, how much does a professional driving lesson cost in your area? Can you get a part-time job and earn the money necessary to pay for an hour of it every couple of weeks, perhaps?

Being a man has nothing to do with getting physically violent and beating up other people. It has to do with taking responsibility for your own situation, and being respectful and helpful to others (especially family). Being a woman, by the way, is about exactly the same thing. Turning to violence is adolescent and childish - and the fact that you walked away first doesn't diminish that.

 


This dude sounds like a spoiled brat. Soon as he doesnt get his way he pouts. I bet you his stepfather or whatever is bitching because this 20yr old kid is acting and being treated like he is 12. Stop saying what you tried to do. All you had to do was keep walking. Beating him up didn't make you any better than him. You have so many problems that you should leave.

Damnit youre 20 stop acting like someone owes you something. You sound like you are spoiled rotten. Won't do anything unless you're compensated lol. Did you give him gas money each time you drove?hims vehicle? I seriously couldn't believe some are taking up for him. 

Except you're missing the part where I never asked for anything and I kept my myself shut. i didn't go bitching to him. You are guilty as well of not even reading the whole fucking story. That's all I'm going to say since you don't even bother to know the whole story. Don't talk about something when you don't even care enough to know the complete story. Retarded. Some of you who actually read the story made good points about me being both wrong and right but this is just pathetic. Responding to this when you didn't even read the whole story.



Except I did read the whole OP and the thread. You don't have to be anywhere you don't want to be. How many bills are you paying at the house?



"Something about doing something all by himself, cutting down a tree or making wood. I don't know and don't care because I don't favors for nothing."

So you want your parents to do things for you but you won't help them with anything unless you get something in return? There seem to be plenty of issues, but that's the root of your relationship problem. Unless I missed you paying rent and utilities or something...



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You asked that he help you learn to drive. You asked for what you wanted but it seemed if he(they) ask you to do something you won't because you aren't getting anything out of it. Do you work man? Cut grass? Anything?



Horrorfest said:

Except you're missing the part where I never asked for anything and I kept my myself shut. i didn't go bitching to him. You are guilty as well of not even reading the whole fucking story. That's all I'm going to say since you don't even bother to know the whole story. Don't talk about something when you don't even care enough to know the complete story. Retarded. Some of you who actually read the story made good points about me being both wrong and right but this is just pathetic. Responding to this when you didn't even read the whole story.

You claim you never asked for anything. So you're saying you didn't ask for driving lessons? You didn't at any point ask for the opportunity to get the car? You didn't ask for dinner, or for your mother and stepfather to do anything else for you, at any point in time?

I highly doubt it. The fact that you "kept yourself shut" doesn't mean that you aren't taking advantage of them - indeed, in many ways, it's quite the opposite. They've provided you with (likely free) housing, food, transportation, driving lessons, etc. And you repay them by complaining and seething about the fact that they don't keep you updated about every aspect of their lives, and that they don't go even further to accomodate you... all while refusing completely to do anything whatsoever to help them, if you're not directly getting something in return.

I can't help but notice that you've responded to others, but seem to have gone out of your way to avoid responding to what I've said. Why is this?



AnthonyW86 said:
Hewas harrassing you will he was sitting in his chair and you where walking away?.... I think you need to look up what harrassing means.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying whether it was or wasn't harrassment, but if you've ever had to deal with parents being negative about you with every single word they say, you would understand how it can really start getting to you. My father is perfectly fine, and while I generally speaking get along well with my mother, the lady has never said a compliment to me my entire god damned life. Its either something negative or nothing at all (and no, I'm not exaggerating, I have physically asked her to please just say one thing nice, she still can't). While I in no way have it as bad as this seems, I can completely understand how you would get to a point you just decide to beat the living shit out of the person.

My father had a mother that seemed to think being abusive (pulling hair, treating very poorly, etc.) was the way to treat her kids (don't get me wrong, kids can be little shits, but there are better ways to deal with things than acting like a kid yourself). Yea, that all stopped EXTREMELY fast when it got to a point where lets just say she knew if she ever did anything again my father would have beat the living shit out of her.

Occasional verbal (and sometimes physical) abuse isn't too bad, its when it is all the time.



Money can't buy happiness. Just video games, which make me happy.

Dude, you live in your mom's house, eat off of their money, yet you have the balls to imply that you don't owe them anything? You literally have no right to keep to yourself all the while you leech from them.

And PS, you were on the wrong. Your stepdad may not be a saint, he may be a d-bag at times, but you're the biggest lamest excuse for a member in your household.



Aielyn said:lol. 
rrorfest said:

Except you're missing the part where I nepays. Im asked for anything and kept my myself shut. i didn't go bitching to him. You are guilty as either l of not even reading the whole fucking story. That's all I'm going to say since you don't even bother to know the whole story. Don't talk about something when you don't even care enough to know the complete story. Retarded. Some of you who actually read the story made good points about me being both wrong and right but this is just pathetic. Responding to this when you didn't even read the whole story.

You claim you never asked for anything. So you're saying you didn't ask for driving lessons? You didn't at any point ask for the opportunity to get the car? You didn't ask for dinner, or for your mother and stepfather to do anything else for you, at any point in time?

I highly doubt it. The fact that you "kept yourself shut" doesn't mean that you aren't taking advantage of them - indeed, in many ways, it's quite the opposite. They've provided you with (likely free) housing, food, transportation, driving lessons, etc. And you repay them by complaining and seething about the fact that they don't keep you updated about every aspect of their lives, and that they don't go even further to accomodate you... all while refusing completely to do anything whatsoever to help them, if you're not directly getting something in return.

I can't help but notice that you've responded to others, but seem to have gone out of your way to avoid responding to what I've said. Why is this?


Mine either lol. I just really want to know if he works or which bills he pays. I think i know the answer though.