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Forums - General - Did I assault my ex girlfriend?

luigiman5555 on 04 March 2013
Akvod said:
The fact that you don't think hugging a girl against her will is something "menial" means you don't respect or understand other people's personal space and freedom.

You're forcibly expressing your affection to a girl, and it's creepy. Imagine if a guy began brushing the hair of some girl or putting his arms around her against her will. Both are less physical than a hug, but they're unwanted physical contact.

I have no idea about the assault (that's a legal question), but you need to stay away from her and stop acting like a victim.

I only hugged her while crying and apologizing because I thought she'd react compassionately by hugging me back and comforting me. I did stop once I realized she really wanted me to. It only would've been unconsented had I persisted after realizing and I had no bad intentions. Not even minimal. Everything seemed fine the last time we talked on the phone but then she randomly ignored me again.



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cmeese47 on 04 March 2013

Clinton played the sax and loved him some poon simply move on to your next piece of tail and forget the woman



luigiman5555 on 04 March 2013
MichaelH said:
From a purely technical legal point of view you committed both assault and battery. What is relevant is what the victim reasonably believed was happening when you behaved as you did.

Having said that the assault, such as it was, was minor and, if prosecuted, would in all probability incur nothing more than a slap on the wrists. However, continued contact with her is inadvisable and would be seen as exacerbating and escalating the situation.

Civil assault: "An intentional act which causes a reasonable and imminent apprehension of a harmful or offensive contact which is unconsented."
Civil battery: "An intentional act which causes harmful or offensive contact which is unconsented."
Proof: http://bikerlawblog.com/2006/10/09/civil-assault-and-battery-in-plain-langu/?doing_wp_cron=1362348609.9029219150543212890625

#1. It only would've been unconsented had I persisted after realizing she really wanted me to stop.
#2. There was no harmful or offensive contact nor was there a reasonable and imminent apprehension of harmful or offensive contact.
#3. Even if I did all of the above, there was no intent or knowledge and that's another valid defense.
Proof: http://www.shouselaw.com/nevada/battery-defenses.html

If I scared her so much then why did she turn around and say "Bye" after?



chriscox1121 on 04 March 2013

I hate to laugh at your expense, but I couldn't stop laughing as read your OP and especially after Chandler's comment. Sounds like something I would see i a movie!




scottie on 04 March 2013

Intoxication is NOT a defense against any crime. If you end up in court (your lawyer will tell you this anyway) do not try to use it as one.

Age is not a defense, although if you are under 18 your sentance (if any) would be more leniant.

Provocation does not exist here, provocation is something along the lines of if you punch someone who slept with your girlfriend, you had provocation. Courts prefer someone who bashed someone who wronged them than someone who bashed someone for no reason. Your ex did not provoke you in any way.

Do not plead insanity. If you are judged to be insane, you are put in a mental hospital until you are no longer a threat to yourself/society. Considering how hard it is to get a certain diagnosis, that will be a LONG time compared to what you might face in court.

Basically, you have no good defenses apart from no intent to cause harm.

In terms of battery, you are absolutely fine. Battery is unlawful contact that causes injury or offense. When they say offense, they mean something a bit more than "this guy hugged me"

In terms of assault, that will depend on the jury, and your lawyers. Assault does not require you to intend to harm her, nor does it require you to harm her. She just needs to (reasonably) fear that you are going to become violent.

So if you said anything dumb like "If you leave me I'll kill you", swore excessively, started randomly punching inanimate objects or anything similar, there's a very good chance you could be charged with assault. Otherwise, I doubt you would be - the story you gave doesn't sound like there was much reason to expect violence.

Best of luck.

And in the future, if someone doesn't want to listen to you, forcing them to hear you does not force them to take in what you say. Give them time, present your case when they are in a more calm state.



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nanarchy on 04 March 2013
luigiman5555 said:
nanarchy said:
Yes what you did would definitely be prosecutable as assault in many parts of the world. The key to this would be where this occurred. Unwanted physical contact even if non harmful in your mind can meet the criteria for physical or sexual assault in many regions. depending on where you are it may not matter what your intentions were, only what she perceived them as.

So if you merely hug someone but stop after realzing that person really wants you to, that can still be assault? That goes against all the definitions though. I live in Vancouver. Would these not still be my defenses?

#1. Lack of intent and knowledge.
#2. Lack of bodily harm.

Proof:
http://introublewiththelaw.com/simple-assault-vs-aggravated-assault/
http://www.shouselaw.com/nevada/battery-defenses.html

As I said it really does depend on where you are. I have no idea of what the laws are in Vancouver. however the standard definition of Assault is

"an intentional act by one person that creates an apprehension in another of an imminent harmful or offensive contact."

The part that can get you in trouble in many areas is the offensive contact.





TheLivingShadow on 04 March 2013
luigiman5555 said:
MichaelH said:
From a purely technical legal point of view you committed both assault and battery. What is relevant is what the victim reasonably believed was happening when you behaved as you did.

Having said that the assault, such as it was, was minor and, if prosecuted, would in all probability incur nothing more than a slap on the wrists. However, continued contact with her is inadvisable and would be seen as exacerbating and escalating the situation.

Civil assault: "An intentional act which causes a reasonable and imminent apprehension of a harmful or offensive contact which is unconsented."
Civil battery: "An intentional act which causes harmful or offensive contact which is unconsented."
Proof: http://bikerlawblog.com/2006/10/09/civil-assault-and-battery-in-plain-langu/?doing_wp_cron=1362348609.9029219150543212890625

#1. It only would've been unconsented had I persisted after realizing she really wanted me to stop.
#2. There was no harmful or offensive contact nor was there a reasonable and imminent apprehension of harmful or offensive contact.
#3. Even if I did all of the above, there was no intent or knowledge and that's another valid defense.
Proof: http://www.shouselaw.com/nevada/battery-defenses.html

If I scared her so much then why did she turn around and say "Bye" after?

 

Dude. The fuck.

The next time she texts you about this shit, respond with this or something along these lines:

"You're only bluffing, but both you and I know you will not push for this ridiculous lawsuit, since you know how small and pathetic it'll make you seem. Otherwise, you would have stop texting me about this nonsense and charged me already. Stop being so insignificant that you need to make others feel insignificant as well."

And by the way, if you're over her now, that's great, but know that the way you acted is irresponsible anyways.



luigiman5555 on 04 March 2013
TheLivingShadow said:
luigiman5555 said:
MichaelH said:
From a purely technical legal point of view you committed both assault and battery. What is relevant is what the victim reasonably believed was happening when you behaved as you did.

Having said that the assault, such as it was, was minor and, if prosecuted, would in all probability incur nothing more than a slap on the wrists. However, continued contact with her is inadvisable and would be seen as exacerbating and escalating the situation.

Civil assault: "An intentional act which causes a reasonable and imminent apprehension of a harmful or offensive contact which is unconsented."
Civil battery: "An intentional act which causes harmful or offensive contact which is unconsented."
Proof: http://bikerlawblog.com/2006/10/09/civil-assault-and-battery-in-plain-langu/?doing_wp_cron=1362348609.9029219150543212890625

#1. It only would've been unconsented had I persisted after realizing she really wanted me to stop.
#2. There was no harmful or offensive contact nor was there a reasonable and imminent apprehension of harmful or offensive contact.
#3. Even if I did all of the above, there was no intent or knowledge and that's another valid defense.
Proof: http://www.shouselaw.com/nevada/battery-defenses.html

If I scared her so much then why did she turn around and say "Bye" after?

 

Dude. The fuck.

The next time she texts you about this shit, respond with this or something along these lines:

"You're only bluffing, but both you and I know you will not push for this ridiculous lawsuit, since you know how small and pathetic it'll make you seem. Otherwise, you would have stop texting me about this nonsense and charged me already. Stop being so insignificant that you need to make others feel insignificant as well."

And by the way, if you're over her now, that's great, but know that the way you acted is irresponsible anyways.

She was only accusing me of civil assault. She's not trying to charge me.



TheLivingShadow on 04 March 2013

Whatever, if she's pressing for some sort of lawsuit, text her something like that. The girl clearly is getting a kick out of this, and you need to be in control of the situation, which you don't appear to be in right now. As soon as she sees you don't give a fuck she will quit this. Guaranteed.



happydolphin on 04 March 2013
theprof00 said:

Nice comic akvod.


OP
HOOOOoooOoOLD UP and slow your shit down.
1. You have problems. Accept that you do. I need look no further for evidence than you listened to advice to play sax for a girl.
2. You care WAY too much about being an "assaulter". Srsly who the fuck cares? Next time she says something, say, "fuck the poh-lice". What's going to happen to you? You gunna get arrested? Go to jail? >_>
3. Find another girl....like, now.
4. Ask girls out. A kind of pseudo, easy way to go out with a girl is if you see a girl going somewhere (who you know) ask her what she's up to, and ask if she minds you walking there with her since you're bored. Usually it results in actually doing the following activity as well. The key is to look independent. You don't need to be asked to join something, you get to the destination and pick up your phone and start texting as you walk away saying "hey thanks for the chat, looks like fun so have a good time". Learn that "going out" and "dating" is not much different from what you just did, with a difference being maybe putting your hand on her shoulder for a few minutes or giving her a hug goodbye.
5. Talk to a friend's older sister. Do you know older sisters? Talk to them. Ask them everything and DON'T ARGUE.
6. Don't ignore the girl. Next time you see her, feel free to walk up WITH her and just say you want to talk. Ask her about something she's into and ACT LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED EVER. Imagine like you've never even met her, but don't do that whole "restarting" roleplay.
7. Pussy on the pedestal. You put it there. Take it down.
8. Girlfriends are the same as guyfriends. You don't fall in love with your bros, do you? Act exactly the way you would with guys, just more polite and gentle.
9. Just do what I said.

10. disclaimer. I gave you these bits of advice because I think the most important problem is that you take the relationship too seriously, and perhaps expect bonds to grow too quickly. Life isn't like tv or the movies....well...it is...but the main difference is that the things that happen in shows or movies should rightly be the culmination of several years, not several episodes. So slow down, relax, don't take things too seriously, ALWAYS SMILE, ALWAYS LAUGH, never get mad, value your own time.

 

EDIT:

Also stop playing the saxaphone. If your parents are making you, tell them you don't want their life.

Thanks for the free tips brah.