So, I know this is a touchy subject and that cheaters here practically get stonned to death. I know a user here who is a cheater and I believe I joined the site long after his famous thread. His reputation follows him to this day. So I understand not everyone is comfortable with this. That's what the anonymous poll is for, so please feel free to vote!

Anyway, I wanted to talk about my experience here, so I know I'm risking my reputation here. I didn't cheat finally, but I was questioning myself a lot. I have done a lot of questionable things, I have been the lover of two women before (one of them married) but I didn't feel much guilt for that tbh. I was young too, around 20. But this is the first time that being the cheater crossed my mind. I never judged people who cheat, they must have their reasons and it's their lives, plus I don't care much for the established social rules anyway. But when I had the chance myself I questioned it more than ever.

I am 25 1/2 and got married this year, but I've been with this woman since a few days after I turned 22. The last time I had sex with someone else was one week before that, so my sexual variety ended at almost exactly 22, three and a half years ago.

You see, because of this I haven't been with too many women, you can count them with both hands. I am still young and I think my body sometimes, how can I say it, longs for new experiences. Not actively (I want to make this clear, I'm not looking into actually cheating), just that when I see attractive women I can't help but look. My wife is a petite 30 year old Japanese woman, and I'm very happy with her right now. So I'm not looking for something else at all from any other point of view. I'm not even looking for anything sexual really, but I know the desire is there, as a man I can't stop that desire. I can stop myself from following it, but I can't stop it from happening.

Well, not long ago I had a chance to have sex with a great, open minded, curvy young (21) girl who also happens to be my wife's friend and I must say, it is fucking hard to say no when you know you can do it and you have a few pints in your system. From a social point of view, I know this would've been wrong on so many levels, but my biology doesn't understand about that. My wife is away for the week, this amazing girl wants to come to my appartment and I'm drunk and uninhibitted. There was flirting there from my side too, not open, obvious or intentional, but the kind that comes naturally, and I must say, I missed that excitement as much as anything else. I spent 10 hours with this girl and I had a blast and knowing she wanted me made me happy somehow, though I didn't know something was going on until the end.

At that moment I questioned everything we believe in. This girl is feels free and doesn't care. So many questions:  who would I hurt if no one finds out? Who decided that it's bad if two people want it? Why go against what your body asks for? What are these social rules for anyway?

So what did I do? Well, nothing, we went to our respective homes. I acted like I didn't get the very obvious hints, but she knows I rejected her. We are still friends after that and have no problem with what happened. She would've been happy to have sex with me every now and then.

Anyway, I swear toward the end of our meeting I was barely answering to her and my eyes on the floor, just thinking and questioning myself, feeling gilt, excitement and who knows what else. I don't know what stopped me, maybe the thought that this would hurt my wife a lot if she ever found out, and I really do love her and don't want to hurt her so that's the last thing I want. I also wouldn't like to risk my relation with her because I'm happy. But to be completely honest, I don't feel any special pride for rejecting her nor can I guarantee that I'll never cheat in my life.

This made me think a lot about this subject. We don't cheat because it's a social thing. Yes, it's a promise to your significant other, but this promise exists because it's a social norm. Yes, it shows your love, and I can say that it takes a lot of love to stop that from happening, but you're going against your biology to prove your love, can your other one ask for that? Should I stop her?

I don't want to be a hypocrite, if my wife cheated on me and I found out, it would hurt bad. It's like your confidence flies away, I suppose. If she cheated on me and I never found out though, well... as long as she loves me the same nothing would happen and ultimately I'd be happy, so... I'm trying to be fair here.I have been in more open relationships before and I didn't give a fuck. What stops me know is that she wouldn't want that, whereas before they had no problem with it, so I guess it's about having a fair relationship one way or another.

I'm not even sure love is directly linked to sex. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's not linked in any way, for men at least. I don't want to have sex with a woman because I love her. That initial rush in a relationship is not love, it's passion. But if something would happen to my wife it would hurt a million more now than three years ago, even though the passion has died down a notch. I need this woman next to me and if she were gone I'd die a little inside, that's love.

It seems that a society can't prosper without some system that ties people down. A "free sex" society can't thrive because the family structure is kind of needed to organize a complex sociery, so these are the ones that survive the social evolution. So... here we are. However, our bodies, specifically men's, are designed to be with as many sexual partners as possible and that desire is constantly there, that's there from our biological evolution. So my conclusion is we are fucked up and we have to deal with it one way or another, unfortunately. Then it's up to every individual to decide.

What are your thoughts? No stonning, please. Neither me nor other users. And please don't bring too much religious debate into this.

don´t get caught

Thanks for being honest about this situation. I imagine it wasn't easy sharing this with everyone.

I do agree that there is a bit of a tug of war between biology and dedication that goes on in all relationships.

I would say to anyone who is considering cheating: place yourself in your partner's shoes, and consider his or her reaction. And if you really must be with another person, end your current relationship immediately, and deal with those consequences. I know I for one would much rather be dumped than be cheated on. I consider it the ultimate gesture of disrespect.

In any event, thanks for your honesty. I hope you have a long and happy marriage :)

I have been cheated on lots of times, actually. Mainly through 2007-2009 (or at least that's to my awareness.) It is during those moments that you realize just how vulnerable you are as an honest person looking for nothing but consensual joy. I almost had a breakdown at one point, and nearly lost all faith in humanity. Thankfully, it never got that far though.


Long story short: Cheaters ruined the Mario Kart online experience for me. I've never cheated myself, and I intend to remain honest for as long as I live.

Dont ever cheat. Its no good. And it can ruin lives and Mario Kart sessions.

Don't cheat. Talk to her if you think you can't help yourself. Work up one of those italian relationships where they both "cheat" but that doesn't affect the family at all, nor their love. If either of you is not the type to go with such a thing (remember, she will probably do it with others, are you conformable with that?), then don't do it at all.

The fact it's called cheating is all you need to know. Never mind it's a social norm that's why we don't do it crap. It's because a loving monogamous relationship is amazing. Yes there will always be temptations but if you have to talk yourself into being faithful I don't see the point in you bothering at all. At least if what you want is to fuck around and have the person you love around (FYI I don't believe it's real love in the sense I've ever felt if you would like to cheat) then at least find someone who wants the same as you - an open relationship. Or maybe the fact that its open would take the thrill away and you wouldn't look around at all. Either way it's an unfulfilled desire in you and I think that you're being selfish having your cake and eating it. Just because she might not find out if she wants a loving monogamous relationship (which by marrying her you've promised and have said you want the same) you're lying to her and hurting her every day.

By the way I'm not judging. I've been the cheat before. I didn't really love the person but loved the life I had with them ie where we lived and the money. But I didn't feel particularly bad or good for cheating. Now I'm with someone I love desperately my whole outlook has changed and I feel an empty part of me had been filled. It's truly an amazing feeling and both a blessing and a curse.

The reason my girlfriends dump me is always the same: "It's not you, it's your wife."

Hmmm... interestingly, a majority of people who have voted so far have cheated.

I know this guy who cheats just to find out he still loves his gf.......