The fact it's called cheating is all you need to know. Never mind it's a social norm that's why we don't do it crap. It's because a loving monogamous relationship is amazing. Yes there will always be temptations but if you have to talk yourself into being faithful I don't see the point in you bothering at all. At least if what you want is to fuck around and have the person you love around (FYI I don't believe it's real love in the sense I've ever felt if you would like to cheat) then at least find someone who wants the same as you - an open relationship. Or maybe the fact that its open would take the thrill away and you wouldn't look around at all. Either way it's an unfulfilled desire in you and I think that you're being selfish having your cake and eating it. Just because she might not find out if she wants a loving monogamous relationship (which by marrying her you've promised and have said you want the same) you're lying to her and hurting her every day.
By the way I'm not judging. I've been the cheat before. I didn't really love the person but loved the life I had with them ie where we lived and the money. But I didn't feel particularly bad or good for cheating. Now I'm with someone I love desperately my whole outlook has changed and I feel an empty part of me had been filled. It's truly an amazing feeling and both a blessing and a curse.
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