Well hard doesn't always mean bad. Although in my case it most certainly is. I guess it's appropriate to be asked to tell the story by you since it is a sad one.

In the summer of 2007 I started dating a guy who was a graduate student at Stanford University. Often meeting up in San Francisco since that was between where I live and where was. We took it slow and it wasn't until the New year that I was ready to say we were officially together. Things were going well he got into the MBA program on top of what he was doing. I got promoted at my work yet we still were having plenty of time together. He was part of the family, coming up for weekends, holidays even to my cousins wedding.

However even with all of that I had never really met any of his family or friends of his beyond those he had made out here. He was from Ohio and his family was rather religious. He was himself but he had come to terms with it. He hadn't come out to them though until after we had met and even then he hadn't come out to all of them. He had come out to his younger brother and to his mother but not his father. With his parents in the process of separating, his mother wasn't likely to tell his father either.

During the summer his mother and brother took a trip out to see him. I had the privileged of meeting them. Now that was awkward but doable. The fact that he and I were together wasn't really discussed. There had been a few quick verbal jabs between him and his mother but never much. His brother stayed a bit longer than his mother and he was more goofy about his disapproval than anything else. Every so often saying "NO HOMO" and I'd say playfully trying to physically mover one of us away from the other or smack us with a pillow but nothing major. Figuring I had met his mother I figured I could survive anything.

Next hard thing for me to do was attend some events with him as part of his MBA program. I'm more of an introverted person so going out in general can be more tough but this took it to a new level. Here I was with brilliant people of the upper class for the most part. I felt nervous I felt awkward, I had had to work late that night so he and I arrived a bit late to the event so by the time we got there everyone else had finished eating. I became a bit thankful for that so it gave me an excuse not to talk for a while. I wouldn't have had much to say as many of them were sharing about their world travels. At that point in time I'd been to one other country and across the USA not much in comparison. However as the night progressed I did feel more comfortable and found my voice. It did help that the people at Stanford know what they are doing and had put several gay couples at that meeting point. I was able to talk with them (especially when it came to the primary.  So after talking for a while several other groups that had had dinner and were meeting up in other places got together for bowling. I'm bad at bowling. Very bad. Outside of Wii bowling I've never bowled over 100. Thankfully my BF was also bad and although still awkward it wasn't so bad.

Wow I wasn't expecting to be putting as much detail into this as I am and now it's getting rather late. I'll have to finish tomorrow and no neither of those were the hardest thing not by a long shot.

Please continue. It's quite interesting.

Possibly more than just 4 or 5, some just lurk more than others. :P
(I'm a Gay Aussie.)

This thread might bring out more of the lurkers though. ^.^

I regret my stupid nickname , I am not a sad man! Some dramatic spells from time to time but that's it

and I want to hear the rest of the story!

Welcome aboard

tell us your story!

Nah, to public for me to just shove it all out there, not my kind of style mate!
It is interesting to see what other people have gone through though, some if it bad, some of it good... Need more good though!

hehe

We are anonymous but Fair enough.

Come on lurkers, we need more happy stories..

I know it sounds weird (and wrong), but the hardest thing was not breaking up with my ex. Although we were together for two years, I spent more than half of that time wanting out of the relationship. Every time I would meet him at his place believing that I ready to tell him how I feel, he would be so nice to me that it felt wrong (for example he would have cooked for us or was sad about something). Also every time he opened the door of his flat he would kiss me passionately, so it was hard to go from that to "so... we need to talk".  I loved him -and still do as a friend- but I was not attracted to him enough. We never fought over anything (which I'm not saying is necessarily a good thing) and it was really obvious that he loved me, but whenever he kissed me I felt nothing, plus the sex was far from good.

So after a year of being together I told him that I had feelings for another guy (which was true) and then he started crying. It was almost as if he had a panic attack and I couldn't bear to see him like that. He kept asking me to give it another chance, to keep trying and stuff and I couldn't say no. Same thing happened after a few months. Then I had to do my military service and he asked me not to break up with him, because I would not be able to think straight (since I was too stressed about the army and I would wanna break up with him so that I would have one less thing on my mind). So whenever I got out of the army (for a few days) I felt that I had to put on a show.

Finally I was able to break up with him after completing my military service and he took it quite well, although he did cry quite a lot. I talked about it with my friends beforehand and they all told me that I was wrong and should have broken up with him a lot sooner, but I really loved the guy and I don't think that breaking up is as easy as they make it look on tv. I honestly felt that no one would ever love me as much as he did and I did love him back, though mostly as a friend (after breaking up I realised how stupid such thought was).

Funny thing about nicknames we don't always like the ones we get. Even if we pick them ourselves.

Now to continue the story.

So the relationship was going really well. He was a positive influence on me and I was reaching to my potential.  I got him a bit into video games. Rockband mostly but it was a start. Even did the resistance fall of man campaign with two players. We both got a laugh out of how the story remained the same so it was Nathan Hale's story with some poor forgotten black guy along with him who I don't even recall if they named. Even got him to got to two comic conventions with me. Wondercon in San Francisco and Comic Con International in San Diego.

We did do some traveling mostly smaller things in the Bay Area, but we did go to Vegas twice as well as somethings in Southern CA along the way or when we were in San Diego for comic con. We even went to a gay club in Tijuana now that trip has some crazy stories. He even got me to try surfing. Kinda funny really it took a guy from Ohio to get me a third generation Californian to surf. I didn't really get that good but I sure had fun.

So with how well the relationship was going. I will always wonder why neither of us asked the other to get married. Probably we didn't feel like rushing, or maybe we just thought we had all the time in the world. All the same it had been nice to know that we had that option. This was before prop 8 passed.

In September he was looking at traveling for a program on his MBA. I had started looking into going on a birthright trip to Israel. So we were then planning on meeting up together after and travel around Europe together. Sadly this was never meant to be.

Late on October 10, 2008. He was heading down to Big Sur with two other guys in his MBA program for a conference.  Their car went off the road and all 3 of them were killed.

The story doesn't end with his death though. Deaths are only ends for those who died. Those left alive still have to pick up the shattered remains, try and make sense of it clean it up and move on.

My part in the clean up was hard. Since he had not been out to his family I was asked and agreed to take care of anything in his place that would give it away, or even things that would have left too many questions. So anything sexual obvious had to go but then some other things, some pink shirts, his Out of the Closet hat and any of his gay theme DVD since he had burnt most of the selection netflix had to DVD. In addition to just taking the things that are mine that I had left there. I also did take a few things of clothes that hadn't been mine but fit me as well as him just to have something that when I wore I could think of him fondly. Some people find things like that weird but not me.

The process of going through his place is something I wish on no one. Seeing all that remained of of something so amazing. Things he had worn, things we had done. His drums from rockband. The little tables I had gotten him at my work to display some of his treasures. The poster I had given him the last time I had seen him, only thing I gave him that I couldn't take. The bed I'd helped him set and and had shared with him. I must say I am thankful he was living on campus at that point in time because I didn't have to do more than that. His place he had before moving well I guess back on campus he was subleasing and thankfully there wasn't anything for me to take care of there.

The service at Stanford was hard one to go to. Then again I've not been too many funerals before but I'd never had much exposure to death. Yeah some family of people I knew had died but not much close to me. I'd lost an Uncle the year before but he had been sick and I wasn't terribly close. I had lost my Grandfather 2 months prior but he's been very sick for 2 years it was expected and once again not that close since he lived in NY.  This was something very different.

Something that I must say I find odd about the service and media coverage of the crash was besides the room mate of one of the three who only mentioned his room mate. Nothing was mention of them being gay or on there way to a conference that was LGBT related. Although everyone at least those that new them already new but since they did film it to send to the family that couldn't make it. It did make sence to me so although I wasn't mentioned in the program I had the full support of everyone there.

The funeral in Ohio though was a very different story. I had some family come with me so at least I wasn't on my own but even with them there it was far from easy.

So the night we got there they had a showing of the body. It was just so odd. Other than looking a bit puffy he could have just been sleeping. His mother and brother thanked me for coming although his mother pulled me aside and ask that I stay quiet about the fact he was gay especially for his father. I agreed to it. I just didn't know how hard it was going to be. Considering my mother my sister and myself were some of the only if not the only white people at the funeral we were going to get some attention since we weren't family, so the family would want to thank us for coming. Especially his dad. Now his dad was a tall man deep voice and very strong handshake, and I think he knew or had an idea since he kept asking questions but at the same time I don't think he wanted to know since he didn't ask the right questions.  Thankfully he let me go so I was able to have my moments for me and not just for other people.

The next day was the funeral. Somehow he had some direction wrong but thankfully my sister was able to look things up with her phone and was able to get GPS with it so we could get there. Well eventually. By the time we got there we had to find a place to sit in the overflow area but thankfully we were there. I don't remember anything that people said about him I just know that there were so many people there that loved him. So when the service ended people were given the opertunity to walk by the casket again. They still had it open. I really wish they hadn't that's not how I like to remember him. His mother and brother specifically thanked me again for being there.  

The funeral procession was unreal. It seems everyone one the road was paying there respects. Many cars pulled off the road. Some people were even saluting. Just very different from any other funeral procession I've been in although that doesn't say much for me but even my mother commented on it so I knew it was something.

The burial was weird to me. They set up this area cover it with fake grass, set up a tent and some chairs. Some words were said I don't remember exactly whatever the 7th Day Adventist believe. So then all the stuff was cleared. A concrete slab was lowered in. The coffin was lowered it. Another bigger concrete slab was put on top and then whatever earth mover they had just dumped the dirt on top. I guess I prefer a Jewish funeral. Where it's done by the mourners. It was also sad to me just being another person there and not being acknowledged as his significant other but I knew that would be the case, it still didn't make it easy though.

At the service after I was ambushed by his father a few more times. By the last time when he was asking "what was the connection" I was ready to ask back "Do you really want to know?" but I knew even that would give away to much so I stuck to what I was saying and never told him. I'm pretty sure he knows but I at least feel I did what I had agreed to do.

Haven't had much contact with the family since. Talked with his brother a bit on facebook and he seems to be doing well. Heard a bit from some of the people at Stanford and also see some of them on facebook. Did go to a light the night walk with several people from there to raise money in his name since he had been a survivor or leukemia at a very young age. Only time I heard from his mother was when she was wondering where some of his stuff was that I had nothing to do with. She didn't ask me how I was or anything like that just where is his camera and a few other things.

Sometimes it's just easier to stay together with someone you know it's wrong to be with because there is comfort in the familiarity and stability. Also the idea of hurting someone you love makes it all that much harder. My first relationship was like that a bit as well. I knew it had to end but wasn't able to for quite a while. Didn't end until we were living much further away from one another.