So last year I made a thread about my wanting to come out to my parents... as an atheist. After reading hundreds of posts so carefully written by the very supportive vgchartz community, I decided to wait \till I move out and I'm on my own before I tell them. In the meantime I've been able to live a peaceful existence without having to pretend too much to be a Christian (prentend to pray every night before I go to sleep, making the sign of the cross before I leave for Uni, if my parents are watching me etc.).

But alas, all good things come to an end. Easter is near (it's actually this Sunday), the Easter bunny is getting ready to spread joy and chocolate eggs to all, and my parents have had the great ideea that since it's been a long time since I went to confession and gotten communion (it's probably been 3-4 years), I should practice absitence for at elast a week (from food, though it also means abstitence from sex, not that that's an issue for me right now ), go to confession next week and get communion. Now, since the persona I have in front of them is that of a good Christian son, I couldn't find any logical reason why I'd disagree with this plan.

My problem: while the rituals of confession and communion mean nothign to me, I jsut find it unethical to take part in them now that I'm an atheist and don't believe in them anymore. It would jsut be very low of me to keep this act up. On the other hand I'm not ready to tell my parents that I'm no longer a Christian. Comign out as gay would probably be easier for them to handle than that, and I don't want to be around to face the aftemath of coming clean to them (which is sadly not an option, as I still live with them).

My carefulyl constructed web of lies seems to be breaking. I was thinking of just telling the priest I'm an atheist when I go to confession, but the problem is that I don't know what to tell my parents. You can't get communion if you comited a very serious sin, but my parents would get curious, especially 'cause they won't be able to imagine me doing something so terrible that I can't get communion, which will mean that I'll have to come up with even more lies.

Another option would be to find soem way to avoid going to church alltogether, like breaking my leg or something.

Oh benevolent vgchartz community, lend me some of your wisdom and help me get out of this mess. Should I come clean, or continue lying? What would you do if you were in my situation?

All help is appreciated.

I'll break your leg if you want me to... but serious just tell it to your parents.. they might not like it at first but in the end they will still love you..

You can't guarantee this. You never know how people will react to things. Can you knock me unconscious before you break my leg? (LOL)

1) Lying to get out of the collapsing web of lies doesn't sound ideal

2) If your parents can't accept you for who you are, then I don't think you should care what they think.

3) Try a phased reduction in your lying? Tell them that you're having a little bit of a crisis of faith/personalty crisis, and that you just need some time to think things through by yourself. Hopefully it gets you out of the immediate perils and softens the blow when you finally tell them.

1. - Yet it could result in some very comical situations.

2. - Sadly I live with them, and I couldn't bear the situation of their disapporval and disappointment.

3. - This is a somwehat good ideea, but they'd find it weird, as they've never been the type to question their beliefs (they're simple minded people). They'd probably make me read religious books, talk to a priest, rand that would lead to even more lies etc.

Well let's put it this way.. we can't help you get rid of the fear for your parents... that's a thing you only can do.. we can give any advice we want but the only problem there is, is you being scared for your parents..

You're right about this I guess. But maybe someone can offer me a good solution to getting past this. It's Easter, I think it would hurt even more if I told them now. Maybe you guys have ideeas on how to tell them in a way that will hurt them less, and will make it bearable for me to live with them.

They will always blame themself... it with always hurt them.. that's how it works.. you can say that it's your decision, that your parents did a great job raising you etc etc.. but they always will look at it if it's their failure.. tell them, keep respecting their believes, and in time everything will be alright..

Im not sure saying you've sinned would even help. Doesn't confessing, repenting and doing your penitence make it immediatly all right?

Unless you're not ready to repent, but that's an even worse lie.

Well, seems like you'll have to suck it up - either your parent's disaproval or your moral objection. If you're not ready to come out yet, maybe you should make yourself some bullshit rationalization like you're not harming anyone and it's all for the better and their enjoyinment of easter or something.

Of course you could use this situation ass a cliff and just fucking jump. I mean, you've been thinking about this for over an year now, how much longer will you take? When you move out you'll have even less pressure to tell anyone anything. If it's hard now with incentive, it'll feel like what's the point later, if it even occurs to you. And maybe you're okay with that, nothing wrong there. But if that's not the case then maybe you shouldn't procastinate so much.

If you're hellbent on neither telling them nor doing it you could always pretend to be kidnapped. There are of course lots of ways out of this, but very few of them are much more ethical then just taking the communion, so what's the point?

I still think letting them know in easy, baby steps is ideal. Of course that's harder with a deadline, but the whole "I gotta seek Truth by myself" act could still work. They'd want to help you and all, you'd give some excuse, say you're gonna go talk to the priest, then you actually tell him your (supposed) situation. Who knows, maybe he can actually help, and it wouldn't be wrong or anything  ethicaly speaking.

Truth is you should have taken the opportunity when you had plenty of time to make it right. But I know how procastination whorks, so I'm not judging :P

@Farmageddon:

Im not sure saying you've sinned would even help. Doesn't confessing, repenting and doing your penitence make it immediatly all right?

Unless you're not ready to repent, but that's an even worse lie.

Not exactly. It depends on how bad the sins are. For example a friend of my mother's used the services of a witch (how can people be so stupid to believe soemthign like this I don't know), and the priest wouldn't give her communion for a month. In these situations the priest will give you a sort of punishment (praying, abstinecne etc.) for a certain period of time to "purify" yourself. For example, if I told the priest that I snorted some cocaine and then participated in a homosexual orgy, he most likely wouldn't give me communion.

If you're not ready to come out yet, maybe you should make yourself some bullshit rationalization like you're not harming anyone and it's all for the better and their enjoyinment of easter or something.

I'm in the process of doing that actually.

Of course you could use this situation ass a cliff and just fucking jump. I mean, you've been thinking about this for over an year now, how much longer will you take? When you move out you'll have even less pressure to tell anyone anything. If it's hard now with incentive, it'll feel like what's the point later, if it even occurs to you. And maybe you're okay with that, nothing wrong there. But if that's not the case then maybe you shouldn't procastinate so much.

Well, if I jump off a cliff I may break my neck (LOL). You're right about the procrastiation part, it actually affects many aspects of my life, though it's usually due to fear rather than lazyness. The advantage is that when I move out I'll be able to just tell them over the phone, then hang up and relax while playing a video game, while all hell breaks loose at their place. If I tell them now I'll be in the frontline, and I won't be able to get them off my back. It's true though that I'll probably be less motivated to tell them when I move out, as keeping up the charade will be much easier.

If you're hellbent on neither telling them nor doing it you could always pretend to be kidnapped.

No, this lie is just too much, as it will end up involving the police. It sounds outrageously fun, but no!

I still think letting them know in easy, baby steps is ideal. Of course that's harder with a deadline, but the whole "I gotta seek Truth by myself" act could still work. They'd want to help you and all, you'd give some excuse, say you're gonna go talk to the priest, then you actually tell him your (supposed) situation. Who knows, maybe he can actually help, and it wouldn't be wrong or anything  ethicaly speaking.

The whole "seeking the truth for myself" thing won't make them happy. As I said, they're simple-minded people who've never really questioned their beliefs. My grandmother thinks the world is 4000 years old and that humans and dinosaurs coexisted (and I am no kidding). I'm not sure if the priest could be of any help. Quite frankyl I've nver trusted priests.

Truth is you should have taken the opportunity when you had plenty of time to make it right. But I know how procastination whorks, so I'm not judging :P

I know I had plent of opportunities. Frankly I should've seen something like this coming.