Ka-pi96 said: Any idea how you'll come to a final decision? |
Nope
Ka-pi96 said: Any idea how you'll come to a final decision? |
Nope
CladInShadows said:
Oh man, you're describing my life right now. I'm 2 months into a boy/girl twin situation. First time parents. We named them William and Olivia. The smile thing, though. Mine smiled right from the get go, but this is almost always because they have gas, or are passing gas. You've perfectly described night time feedings. Baby cries, we wake up, and then we change their diapers and then feed and burp them. And then comes the complicated dance of trying to get them to sleep and to stay asleep. It's easily the most difficult part of this for me. My wife has caved a couple times and has had one of them sleep in her arms for a while. This is not a habit we want to continue though. But I'll be damned if it doesn't work every single time. And ditto on the video game thing. I haven't got that part figured out, to be honest. My reading and video game time have taken a serious hit just because I never go more than 3 hours without having to interact or care for at least one of them. |
If you don't mind suggestion from someone who's been through that all (though it's been quite a while), see if you can take shifts - if your wife is breastfeeding, use bottle with her milk on your shifts, warm it up and then wake the baby for feeding...don't wait for them to wake up - once you get them accustomed to regular cycles (IIRC it was 3 hours) you all sleep much better. But that's just my experience, mileage can vary.
Oh, and never sleep with small babies beside you...chances of unintentionally suffocating them is real and seriouis risk.
CladInShadows said: Oh man, you're describing my life right now. I'm 2 months into a boy/girl twin situation. First time parents. We named them William and Olivia. The smile thing, though. Mine smiled right from the get go, but this is almost always because they have gas, or are passing gas. You've perfectly described night time feedings. Baby cries, we wake up, and then we change their diapers and then feed and burp them. And then comes the complicated dance of trying to get them to sleep and to stay asleep. It's easily the most difficult part of this for me. My wife has caved a couple times and has had one of them sleep in her arms for a while. This is not a habit we want to continue though. But I'll be damned if it doesn't work every single time. And ditto on the video game thing. I haven't got that part figured out, to be honest. My reading and video game time have taken a serious hit just because I never go more than 3 hours without having to interact or care for at least one of them. |
Our youngest had acid reflux for the first 5 years and couldn't sleep well on his back (or rather not flat at all) in the first couple of years. We came up with the solution that I would stay up until 4 or 5 in the morning with him sleeping on my lap in a semi upright position. Then my wife got up and I got some sleep. I've finished many video games with him sleeping on my lap. It was so peaceful I miss it now. Slower games were perfect for that, for example Valkyria Chronicles.
One thing that made things easier in a way is that breast feeding didn't work very well so he was on formula a lot earlier than we wanted to. Which meant I could feed him during the night. I've given up on reading though, can't read while tired.
My biggest concern is my own sleep. I'm a very light sleeper, so shifts won't do much to help me I'm afraid. I'll be awake every time any noise happens, unless I go sleep in the basement (which I'll likely have to do from time to time). Once I'm awake, I can't get back to sleep if I've had more than a few hours sleep, and I need complete silence at that.
We've been told repeatedly to try to avoid bottle feeding for as long as possible, so that the baby will not come to prefer bottle to breast. (That's different than what I remember my sister being told just a decade ago with my nieces, but whatevs.) So, if we follow that (it seems that we will try), I think I'll be useless to the baby quite often, but I'll be awake anyway.
On the plus side, I'm used to going multiple consecutive nights with just a few hours sleep. So, that part *may* not be so big of an adjustment for me.
As a father, and stepfather, I'll try to explain it the best that I can:
I have wanted to be a father since I was twenty-three, or so (I'm thirty-seven now). I hated that I was this self-absorbed person, and I desperately needed to find something that I loved more than I loved myself. I married young, to an older woman who already had two sons. We found out that she couldn't have any more children, and it tore me up. Years later, we went our separate ways, which is when I met the woman who would become the mother of my daughter.
When she was born, it was like this weight was lifted, and all of these inconsequential things that I spent years worrying about--the opinions of others, my opinion of myself--no longer mattered. As corny as it may sound, when she was born it was like she added an extra chamber to my heart. It was the greatest day of my life, and I was the first person who got to share space with her, one-on-one. It was in the nursery, and I just sat there and watched her sleep. I remember thinking that "this is the beginning of our journey through life." From that day on, I knew that if I played my cards right, I would never be alone again. The photo albums would be filled, memories would be made, I'd have this little girl to walk down the aisle, and eventually grandkids.
One thing that I hate is when parents--or anybody, really--gets this notion in their heads that parenthood should be a universal fact of life. No, absolutely not. Some people simply do not want children, or understand the point of it, and that is perfectly okay. Nothing is harder on a child than having a parent who will treat him/her like they were an unwanted mistake, a detour that they didn't want to take. For myself, the science of survival does not matter. I just felt like I was put here to be a father, and that it would be the only thing that I was truly great at.
Anyway, I hope that clears things up a bit.
melbye said: I think you need to become a parent to be able to answer that question |
Bingo.
Anyway my answer is to keep our species going. My country is under populated and if the English didn't ravage us for 800 years our population today would probably be 40m+. Instead it's 4.5m so there's lots of room to grow. Our public services in the country would greatly improve if the population did so for that reason alone I hope everyone has lots of kids.
HoloDust said:
If you don't mind suggestion from someone who's been through that all (though it's been quite a while), see if you can take shifts - if your wife is breastfeeding, use bottle with her milk on your shifts, warm it up and then wake the baby for feeding...don't wait for them to wake up - once you get them accustomed to regular cycles (IIRC it was 3 hours) you all sleep much better. But that's just my experience, mileage can vary. Oh, and never sleep with small babies beside you...chances of unintentionally suffocating them is real and seriouis risk. |
Yeah, we're constantly trying out new methods. And shifts is one method we have in the tool box. So far, we haven't done much of it though. And the big test comes in the new year when the wife is all alone with me at work. I had a bunch of vacation I was able to use, and we've had people helping out, or my wife has stayed at her parents while I was working, so I haven't actually had to deal with both night time feedings and having to go to work. That all changes starting January 3.
My wife doesn't produce milk, so it's been formula from day 1. Therefore, I've generally been the one to go get the bottles ready and warmed, while she has been the one to change them before sleeping.
My wife doesn't actually sleep with him in her arms. She just lays there with him and he calms right down. Once he's been there for a while, she attempts to make the transition from arms to crib. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
It’s natural to procreate and have a family. It also gives you a new level of meaning and purpose in your life and someone to teach your morals and values to.
No offense but people with kids don’t really understand. And it’s also fine if those things don’t appeal to you. Some people don’t like pizza.
SvennoJ said:
Our youngest had acid reflux for the first 5 years and couldn't sleep well on his back (or rather not flat at all) in the first couple of years. We came up with the solution that I would stay up until 4 or 5 in the morning with him sleeping on my lap in a semi upright position. Then my wife got up and I got some sleep. I've finished many video games with him sleeping on my lap. It was so peaceful I miss it now. Slower games were perfect for that, for example Valkyria Chronicles. |
My little girl has horrible reflux. She quite often vomits if she's on her back. Usually comes out her nose and she goes rigid and screams. I'm told it's usually something that goes away in a few months, but if not, it could be a fairly difficult thing to deal with. I'm seriously considering that video game solution though. I do normally get up at 5:30 or so to get ready for work, so it might be a situation where I get up at 2AM instead and just sit there with her and game.
VAMatt said: My biggest concern is my own sleep. I'm a very light sleeper, so shifts won't do much to help me I'm afraid. I'll be awake every time any noise happens, unless I go sleep in the basement (which I'll likely have to do from time to time). Once I'm awake, I can't get back to sleep if I've had more than a few hours sleep, and I need complete silence at that. We've been told repeatedly to try to avoid bottle feeding for as long as possible, so that the baby will not come to prefer bottle to breast. (That's different than what I remember my sister being told just a decade ago with my nieces, but whatevs.) So, if we follow that (it seems that we will try), I think I'll be useless to the baby quite often, but I'll be awake anyway. On the plus side, I'm used to going multiple consecutive nights with just a few hours sleep. So, that part *may* not be so big of an adjustment for me. |
Pumping milk can be an option to allow you to take part in the feeding ritual.