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Why do some men choose to remain single and give up on women?

Forums - NSFW Discussion - Why do some men choose to remain single and give up on women?

Men choose to remain single and give up on women?

They do not want to becom... 9 8.57%
 
They do not want to change! 11 10.48%
 
They do not need a woman'... 3 2.86%
 
They do not want to conform to society! 5 4.76%
 
They have busy life and d... 8 7.62%
 
They are a man-child and ... 13 12.38%
 
They are regarded as a lo... 15 14.29%
 
Modern feminism double st... 18 17.14%
 
Other! 23 21.90%
 
Total:105
Cobretti2 said:
curl-6 said:

While I certainly don't view my autism in a negative light, I actually think being diagnosed at 19 was one of the best things to happen to me. Not only was it just nice to have an answer as to why I thought and felt so differently to others instead of constantly wondering what was wrong with me, it also put me on the path to finding a career I love in advocacy.

Well glad it was able to help you. Seems like you at least have an upbeat to your life. Something that Dark needs to find.

For me, it was always easy to ignore and move forward as I never really wondered why i was different to others, instead I sometimes wondered why they were different to me lol. Even from an early age as an example I never really slept much. When I was young I could go without sleep for a week. Now I can't sleep till 3-4 am.  My brain never shuts off.  Time for me feels much quicker then for a lot of others. I get frustrated at how slow people do things when things can be done 2x or more quicker.  At the end of the day I never really went out of my way to make sure everyone is my friend because a lot of people frustrated me and we so different. The way I looked at it was there is 6 billion people in the world, if 99.9999% of them hate me so be it, 10 really close friends is good enough for me.

Well, I'm glad you've found a solution that works for you. I generally try to look on the bright side of life; I realize I can sometimes come off as quite bitter and pessimistic on VGChartz but that's mostly cos I often bottle it up in real life and vent online. 



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Hiro94 said:

I do appreciate your advice. My ex and I talk 3-4 times a week through text and on the phone still. We go to different Universities and she said she wants to come visit me soon. I am still trying to be a better person. I have backed off on her, at first  I improved over the course of 3 months and asked her out a couple of times. She said no but still wanted to be friends so i just gave up entirely but i still make a point to stay in contact. She does seem to still have affection towards me. One small part of me hopes that soon she changes her mind but i'm not gonna hold my breath. We've been broken up  for 5 months now. Another thing that gives me hope is I rarely message her first. She is usually the one reaching out to me

To me that indicates you still got a chance. When she visits you soon, that will be the time to show how much you changed, without coming onto her obviously. Show her that you two can have fun together and that you click well.

I think she really wants to see that you have changed, matured, grown or whatever she thinks in her mind needed improving with you that cause the mistrust.

Not holding your breath is a good way to keep your emotions in check and also your frustrations. That way you won't get into a heated argument with her. That is the last thing you want to do when she visits you.



 

 

curl-6 said:
Cobretti2 said:

Well glad it was able to help you. Seems like you at least have an upbeat to your life. Something that Dark needs to find.

For me, it was always easy to ignore and move forward as I never really wondered why i was different to others, instead I sometimes wondered why they were different to me lol. Even from an early age as an example I never really slept much. When I was young I could go without sleep for a week. Now I can't sleep till 3-4 am.  My brain never shuts off.  Time for me feels much quicker then for a lot of others. I get frustrated at how slow people do things when things can be done 2x or more quicker.  At the end of the day I never really went out of my way to make sure everyone is my friend because a lot of people frustrated me and we so different. The way I looked at it was there is 6 billion people in the world, if 99.9999% of them hate me so be it, 10 really close friends is good enough for me.

Well, I'm glad you've found a solution that works for you. I generally try to look on the bright side of life; I realize I can sometimes come off as quite bitter and pessimistic on VGChartz but that's mostly cos I often bottle it up in real life and vent online. 

I think most people bottle it up in real life (especial men), then they went online to to a close friend.

I am no different, however I am probably more pessimistic in real world as there are too many dreamers out there who want the world but don't take any steps to achieve those dreams.

 

"Oh I wish.... I could be this or be that... "

Ok that seems like an achievable dream, what are you doing about it? 

 

"Oh nothing just nice to dream. I'll stay a house wife and watch tv all day" 

Yer it is nice to dream when you are a kid not an adult and hope it falls on your lap lol.



 

 

I want friends and I want a girlfriend but some people just can't make them. People are different. I really can't engage people in conversations, I have absolutely nothing to talk about. After talking to people, all you want to do is just walk away and be alone and not talk again because it's so embarrassing and awful yet later on you feel lonely again but you can't really do anything about it. It's a special kind of hell. For some people socialising is really difficult/impossible. Some people such as myself never truly fit in, always feel awkward around people and never feel relaxed unless you're alone. Don't take your social skills for granted, people. That's your most important skill. Without it, you aren't even human.

Last edited by Dark_Lord_2008 - on 08 January 2019

Dark_Lord_2008 said:

I want friends and I want a girlfriend but some people just can't make them. People are different. I really can't engage people in conversations, I have absolutely nothing to talk about. After talking to people, all you want to do is just walk away and be alone and not talk again because it's so embarrassing and awful yet later on you feel lonely again but you can't really do anything about it. It's a special kind of hell. For some people socialising is really difficult/impossible. Some people such as myself never truly fit in, always feel awkward around people and never feel relaxed unless you're alone. Don't take your social skills for granted, people. That's your most important skill. Without it, you aren't even human.

I feel it's easier for a girl to get a boyfriend than for a guy to get a girlfriend since guys have to do the approaching and asking out, initiating, etc., I hate how people argue by saying "for every girl that has a boyfriend that guy has a girlfriend" DUH I KNOW THAT!!!!, but the guy had to do all of the god damn work in order to make it happen, since guys are expected to take action by making the first move and asking out, etc. Meanwhile girls have the final say and that doesn't really require much effort socially. Seriously, what is the whole logic behind why going after what you want is a masculine thing? Don't give me bullshit answers saying it's the way it is, I believe there is a logical explanation behind everything in life, a reason for everything.

Don't give up. TBH your first paragraph reminds me of a guy at work who is in his 60. He would never talk to you. Only would talk to you about  work or cycling lol. It was like pulling teeth trying to get him to talk lol. The more I think about it he probably is your mirror image in the future. Other than he worked the same job for 40 years and was really good at it.

After putting up with me for 5 years he stated to open up a little. But I had to basically work out how to get him to stay chatting.  I would always tal about work and then move onto cycling with him, then eventually I oudl ask him for advice on bike and what he would recommend and best tracks to ride etc.. Then when he was comfortable I would throw in a curveball question, which he struggles to answer sometimes but he does get it out and now is more open to talk random stuff. When I first met him and started random banter he would just node and you coudl see he wasn't comfortable talking.

What I am getting at, is i think to help you, you need to find that one person who knows your current limitations, start talking topics you are comfortable with then slowly throw in a curveball topic here and there. So talk games, talk running, then maybe throw in a curveball topics you not comfortable with. Just one general question that gets you to talk.



 

 

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Hiro94 said:

Also because of #metoo i am deathly afraid to touch women even in a friendly manner like a handshake or a hug. At this point i'd rather be alone until society changes.

Get past this.  The MeToo movement isn't about hugs and handshakes and you have nothing to be afraid of unless you are actually sexually harassing them.

Also, ignore the party scene.  It's bad for your education and not a good place to find a stable relationship anyway.



Massimus - "Trump already has democrat support."

Dark_Lord_2008 said:

https://www.mysanantonio.com/opinion/commentary/article/Aspergers-focused-but-living-in-a-fog-6646768.php

Asperger worked with children who, while bright, exhibited the symptoms we now associate with the syndrome. The youngsters displayed poor communications skills, including a lack of empathy with their peers. And they lived in a different world, as if their environment were a tidy little box that few outsiders could open.

So what is the harm in creating your own box, your own space? We all carve out our little havens, our little sanctuaries, right? The difference is that those with Asperger’s are obsessed with their worlds, sometimes annoyingly so, and they do not understand when others are not as obsessed as they are.

They can be remarkably passionate and eloquent, but passion and eloquence have a shelf life, and when it comes to conversations, they pontificate long after the expiration date. They can go on and on and on, their sentences interrupted by clauses, as if their talks were prepared speeches, complete with colons, semi-colons and, sometimes, periods. This makes bonding with them difficult.

“Some people with ASD have the desire to fit in or want to make friends, while most do not desire to make friends,” said Ramirez, who has guided both me and my loved one. “They prefer to be in their own world and with their own interests and where they can control their environment.”

Yeah i can see why they think its always a lack of empathy but in many cases the person just has troubles showing empathy and still feels empathy. 



curl-6 said:
Cobretti2 said:

TBH reading those symptoms I bet a modern doctor would classify me with the condition.  I always say it is better not to know what is broken in you that way you just continue on with life instead of find justifications why you can't do it.

While I certainly don't view my autism in a negative light, I actually think being diagnosed at 19 was one of the best things to happen to me. Not only was it just nice to have an answer as to why I thought and felt so differently to others instead of constantly wondering what was wrong with me, it also put me on the path to finding a career I love in advocacy.

Yeah it is relieving to know why you arent like others and that theres no need to feel the same as others, once you know you can stop blaming yourself for it.

 



I have extreme Social anxiety, paranoid schizophrenia, avoidant personality disorder, bipolar, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Aspergers Syndrome/Autistic spectrum disorder. My conditions severely impair my ability to work with other people, inability to cope with criticism, prone to anger and the emotional maturity of a small child.

I have deluded views on the world I find it hard to differentiate between reality and fantasy. I speak in a robotic monotone voice. I avoid eye contact. I am extremely socially isolated and a loner. I keep to myself and I do not engage conversations and I avoid social events. I try to avoid conflict and found it is better to avoid social situations because I have a tendency to be a jerk towards other people.

I have Asperger's" is no excuse. If a kid says something rude to you, you tell them why it was rude and why they shouldn't do that. If an adult does the same, and you rebuff them, and they just say "I have Asperger's, so I do that," then you tell them to go f**k themselves. If they say "oh, sorry..." then you accept their apology. People with Asperger's can learn social skills and not be a jerk. People can overcome it through effort and practice, so using it to excuse as*hole behavior is bullshit.

Due to my impairments I am on welfare and I do not actively have to look for work or study. Being long term unemployed and mental heath issues and various barriers made me a lost cause and no need to apply for jobs. The more barriers and issues you have the longer time you spend unemployed the less chances you have of gaining employment.


Unemployable = undateable! No wonder I never had the confidence to approach and talk to women. I am ashamed of my life and there is not much I can do about it. I have now accepted the reality of my life and I have nothing to offer.

I used to have a Disney fairy tale view of the world everything would fall into my lap: employment, business opportunities, winning the lottery, friends and women. I would not have to do anything for it, it would magically come to me if I believed enough.

Last edited by Dark_Lord_2008 - on 08 January 2019

Dark_Lord_2008 said:

I have extreme Social anxiety, paranoid schizophrenia, avoidant personality disorder, bipolar, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Aspergers Syndrome/Autistic spectrum disorder. My conditions severely impair my ability to work with other people, inability to cope with criticism, prone to anger and the emotional maturity of a small child.

I have deluded views on the world I find it hard to differentiate between reality and fantasy. I speak in a robotic monotone voice. I avoid eye contact. I am extremely socially isolated and a loner. I keep to myself and I do not engage conversations and I avoid social events. I try to avoid conflict and found it is better to avoid social situations because I have a tendency to be a jerk towards other people.

I have Asperger's" is no excuse. If a kid says something rude to you, you tell them why it was rude and why they shouldn't do that. If an adult does the same, and you rebuff them, and they just say "I have Asperger's, so I do that," then you tell them to go f**k themselves. If they say "oh, sorry..." then you accept their apology. People with Asperger's can learn social skills and not be a jerk. People can overcome it through effort and practice, so using it to excuse as*hole behavior is bullshit.

Due to my impairments I am on welfare and I do not actively have to look for work or study. Being long term unemployed and mental heath issues and various barriers made me a lost cause and no need to apply for jobs. The more barriers and issues you have the longer time you spend unemployed the less chances you have of gaining employment.


Unemployable = undateable! No wonder I never had the confidence to approach and talk to women. I am ashamed of my life and there is not much I can do about it. I have now accepted the reality of my life and I have nothing to offer.

I used to have a Disney fairy tale view of the world everything would fall into my lap: employment, business opportunities, winning the lottery, friends and women. I would not have to do anything for it, it would magically come to me if I believed enough.

You have just described Donald Trump.

Use him as a role model to succeed.